#cutting

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Lol the server must of thought I was insane when I ordered chicken and pancakes but I've had like zero protein today. 😅

der tag heute war mir viel zu anstrengend. ich hatte kaum schlaf und dann den ganzen tag klinikzeugs. jetzt sitz ich total lustlos kraftlos von mir angeekelt rum. kämpfe mit den tränen und fühle mich leer und fehl am platz. ich hab T unter vorwänden gefragt ob er kommen kann aber er geht mit seinen eltern essen, heisst ich bleibe alleine. ich hätte jetzt gern jemanden bei mir. meine familie ist auch nicht da. ich weiss nicht. ich hab angst. und ich will nicht mehr. die tagesklinik ist ganz oke, in meiner gruppe sind 6 leute, ich schätze durchschnittliches alter ist 40jahre. ich bin die jüngste der gesamten klinik. 🤷🏻‍♀️
aber selbst dort fühle ich mich nicht. dazugehörig oder irgendwas. ich hasse kliniken. trotzdem gehts jetzt erstmal weiter mit tk, studieren und dann wieder 3 monate klinik. 😒
zur zeit wünsch ich mir die ganze zeit ich könnte einfach nach england. ich vermiss england. ich war zwar nur mal 2 wochen dort aber es hat mir total gefallen. wenn ich könnte würde ich sofort rüber fliegen. aber naja. jetzt erstmal die nacht überstehen. ich hab angst das wenn ich wieder alleine bin ich mir wieder etwas antun könnte. ich hab mich heute seit 213 tagen nicht mehr geschnitten, aber trotzdem will ich es unbedingt gerade. ich hoffe die gedanken werden bald erträglicher. ich wünsche euch jetzt noch einen schönen abend und melde mich morgen wieder. tut mir leid, das der post wieder nicht so positiv ist... ich arbeite dran. 🙈
#borderline #depression #sleepless #depressed #anorexia #magersucht #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #magersucht #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #selfharmmm #cutting #ritzen #recovery #recoverywin #scars #tattoo #suicidal #adhd #adhs #redhair #staystrong

Low FODMAP diet: Elimination phase starts tomorrow 😩
After saying two weeks ago I was going to start it then, I then had a doctors appointment who gave me some tablets to try so I sacked off low FODMAP as I wouldn't have been able to know which (if either) was helping!
However after trying the tablets and not seeing any improvements I had another depressing doctors appointment today who said they basically can't do anything else to help me other than carrying on taking the medication which is yet to make any difference to me and to try low FODMAP again 😩😩😩 After nearly 9 months of going back and forth to the doctors I'm basically left to figure it what's causing me pain and bloating for myself now AGAIN😢
I'll carry on taking the tablets that I have but gonna start the 4-6 week elimination phase of low FODMAPs starting tomorrow. It's gonna suck so bad because it's so limiting but what other choice do I have??
So for tea tonight I'm having snickers ice cream on proats because I won't be allowed lactose during the elimination phase... or wheat, or certain fruit and veg, or certain sugars, or bloody anything😭😂 Second picture is a DENSE 10 egg omelette which i've prepared for breakfast in work the next 3 mornings because I couldn't think of what else I could take🤔
Wish me luck because if this doesn't work I give up on life and will have to embrace the whale body and pain forever🐳🤰🏼😩 #notdramatic

[old edit]
HEY GUYS
How was your day? Everything okay? If you want to talk, my dm is always open for you! (Yeah but you should know that I can't speak english very well, so don't be angry with me, if you don't understand what I mean okay 😂)

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Scar tissue that I wish you saw
Sarcastic Mister know it all
Close your eyes and I'll kiss you 'cause
With the bird I'll share this lonely view .
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#redhotchilipeppers #scartissue #lyrics #songoftheday #quoteoftheday #bird #flying #clouds #bluesky #birds #birdsofinstagram #cloudscape #cloudysky #fluffyclouds #blue #cutting #nature #naturephotography #skyscape #flylikeabird #farfaraway

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Adem cuaca.y😘
#chrysocolla in chalcedony
#cutting 19x15x5
#handmade ring

Interes
WhatsApp.+6281213322013👌

A preview of my POST-BULK physique update. Am mixed parts pleased and wishing I'd done some things differently. Full update will be uploaded on my next YouTube video, along with my thoughts and my transition into cutting! #weehoo

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Pull a great exercise that often gets neglected. Body weight training is just as important, if not more important than lifting weight. 💪💪💪

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It's been a awhile maybe I tricked myself into thinking I was completely better...I'm just really done it's never going to end it's just going to come back again and again to bite me in the ass I don't even have friends fml

#emo #depression #depressed #mentalhealth #cutting #sadquotes #sadness #fake #lonely #alone

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