I think about this dude so much. I miss this dude so much. And this photo is 👌
I feel no different than I did 7 months ago, as if his passing froze my time. My appearance is a well practiced demonstration, I am a star actor when it comes to playing my old self. Losing a brother like I did will set the clock back pretty damn far - I've found. Some nights are just so hard. I share a wall with the Green Frog bar where this pictured outdoorsmen would open mic Rap on Tuesdays and tonight, that just got to me, again. I walk by it everyday and remember the one time I went with him, and how there weren't many other times like it. Sometimes I wish I never went up to Canada for as long as I did to become a "soccer 🌈" or to play "advanced pong" as he called it just so we could've had some real nights out. I wish I made some of the calls he asked me to make, especially that last one. I wish there were more times. I wish I lent some real money to him when he was broke and struggling. I wish I gave him the time he needed from me when he was really suffering... That's the hard truth about my grief; at least just a big piece of it is I want to change some of the past so I can know for certain that I did my best. This guy was there for me through my surgeries, breakups and to hangout and cheer me up. He made me leave work once to get donuts with his girlfriend @alien.luvr because I was so visibly upset and wasn't even doing any real work. I could tell he hated seeing me down and that's what I remember most about this brother. He never let me fall. He jumped in front of my dad once and bought me time to runaway before I got disciplined out of a window for doing something REALLY bad - that was bro. I find some relief in posting photos like this, but not a whole lot. I'll probably keep them coming too since I stumbled upon an old phone's gold mine 🙏 It's nice to say something about him every now and again, like how witty and savagely funny he could be. It's nice to share his face around when we don't get to see it that much anymore too. I guess we will now since he made a miniature human. 👶🏼
Love you Bro.
#connor #themastermind #cloudsforconnor