My Story - Back to Day -1
April 27th 2017
EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER RIDE
Today is my last day before training starts a& I want tomorrow to be here already! I went to Dunnes to buy a top, I also looked at a sports bra but ehhh no that wasn't happening. Anyhow I was in the changing room & got stripped, I actually cried when I seen my reflection in the mirror, I really look hideous, I HATE looking like this & cannot wait to finally start seeing a difference. The next 5 months are going to be the most important of my life. I cannot wait to not cringe at mirrors & not jokingly laugh off how fat I am. Truth be told I am miserable, I look at ladies who have control of their weight & I am so envious. I think a lot of fat people get fatter because their confidence just goes, sure what's the difference between being fat & fatter? I know that's what's happened with me. I dont think I've ever been open or honest about how I trully see myself. These last few days have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions.
I've to go and get my photo taken now, the thoughts of it is actually making me nautious 😳 Well the photos are done, a friend told me that she ate a load of chocolate & cried after she seen her photo, my reaction to my photo was 'fuck me how have I let this happen?' I don't want to stuff my face or down a bottle of wine, I just want to get to @sprintspinning & start my training!! Every so often I get so overcome with emotion I cry, but it's emotion for what is to come, for 22 years I've wanted this and now I can almost touch it! I can totally understand though why my friend got 'depressed' looking at her photo, I had to stop the thoughts of 'omg how does my husband even lie beside me at night' from coming into my head but I think the fact I know tomorrow I start to work on getting rid of all this extra weight & that I have amazing support from sprint, family & friends to help me get through this, I can look at my photo & feel positive 😊
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