Today is 10 years since I lost my mom. . She died in a fire, caused by lights on her Christmas tree, from smoke inhalation that took her life. The coroner who had preformed the autopsy said she died quickly and felt no pain. .
It took me such a long time to come to terms with her death, or celebrate Christmas again. It’s hard to believe it’s been a decade. .
I remember our very last phone call so vividly. We spoke about how she wanted to come to New York and see where I live. She had never been to New York and was so very excited. I then told her that I love her and she was my very best friend I had in this world. And, she told me how much she loved me. That was our last words to each other. .
The next day theJeffrey got a call from the coroner from the town she lived in called. As soon as he told me,I crumbled to the floor. My heart immediately started to hurt. And I started screaming. I continued to scream for what it seemed an eternity.
It took seven years before I could make peace with her death and let go of the guilt that weighed me down. ago. I do believe everything happens for a reason. My mom lived in crippling pain from a car accident. And if she had survived, it would have destroyed her lose everything. .
Today, I’m able to celebrate my mom’s life. I am clean and sober for more than two years, and able to enjoy Christmas again, which was her favorite tree, #giftsofsobriety. Mom used to collect Swarovski ornaments. Now I am doing it. And, I’m living life in a way I know she’d be proud, by helping others and treating others with compassion and love. .
I miss my mother. But she’ll always be alive in my heart. .