And just like that it was gone. As unexpectedly as it appeared 5 weeks ago, and turned my whole world upside down, like a midsummer storm, and just as I got used to an idea of being a mom of 8- all of sudden it was gone. ▪️
It started quite benignly on Sunday afternoon - I was suspicious, so I lay low. Every time I tuned into the baby all I heard was - I’m sorry, it’s not the time, I love you very much and I’ll promise to come back if you let me. h’oponopono, over and over. And “forgive yourself, let go, let go, let go.” Last night I awoke to feed my 1 yo and was in agony. Teeth chattering, fear running through my veins, loud “clopp” in a toilet bowl when I went to pee... my husband forced a neurophen into me and sent me to bed to rest. I kept panicking and planning to go the emergency.... I slept till the morning. Hospital visit full of blood tests, ultrasounds and scans ... to determine that even though I was definitely pregers, now it’s definitely over. 🔲
First time I’ve had a miscarriage I was 20 years old, my casual partner and I separated bc I told him I needed to be free and single and it was turning a tad too serious for me. Then one week later I discovered where my balls lay. I prayed for a miscarriage, I waited for it. I rejoiced in it as it meant no need for an abortion. Then I suffered. Emotionally and physically. I was alone, my family had no clue, my ex boyfriend- as supportive as he was, was also in shock and too busy contemplating the results of his unprotected actions... I lay in pain for days and by the time he dragged me to the hospital it was all over too. ▪️
I am pondering these two experiences. My new status, all over again. These is sense of peace, as well as sadness of loss. I’m aware it’s a taboo topic so I’m talking about it openly.