Dearest beautiful babies of the world wide web and beyond, I am certain that the news has already reached you from every news source and social media platform available - but it is my distinct pleasure to announce that at last night's ALL-STAR Cabaret Showdown...
I DID IT!!! I WON!!! I TOOK THE CROWN AND BECAME THE CHAMPION OF ALL CHAMPIONS!!! I AM - TO PUT IT PLAINLY - THE GOLD MEDAL OLYMPIAN OF THE CABARET SHOWDOWN!!! VEDI, VINI, VICI, BABIES!!! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! I DID IIIIIIIIIIIT!!! HAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! I AM QUEEN OF THE WORRRRRLLLLLLD!!!!! BOW DOWN TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
...okay... I'm okay. ... And now, to prove to you all that my success has left me HUMBLE and UNCHANGED - allow me to say THANK YOU to all of the FABULOUS fans who came out last night to the Kraine in the rain to cheer me on alongside my incredibly talented fellow competitors: John Dixon, Sarah Gaul, Gracie Lee Brown, Marcos Gabriel Sanchez and April Leonhard-DeQuinzio - each one of whom BROUGHT IT and KILLED IT!! HEAPS of GRATITUDE to the FABULOUS Judges: Donald Gavernick, Michael Alden and Rick Miller - who not only recognized my undeniable radiance and talent, but effortlessly provided the proper amounts of constructive criticism and mollycoddling. ENDLESS THANKS to our HOST with the MOST, Mark McDaniels, the DIVINE DIVA, Diana "Di-Vanna" Van Decker Byrne and Last, but certainly not least, THANK YOU to the MARVELOUS Luke McGinnis for bringing the BRILLIANCE with his PHENOMENAL accompaniment!!! OH, WHAT A NIGHT IT WAS!!! Just remember that - though I may be a CHAMPION, I share this crown with ALL OF YOU!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!
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