I don't post much about being ill or sick because to be honest its not what people want to hear and its not something I want to be defined by or spend all my time focused on either. That being said it is a massive part of my life and impacts everything I do. I had a hospital appointment today with my respiratory consultant. It was a bit of a mixed bag, my lungs are in pretty bad shape but not massively worse than last time which is a positive! However my heart is really struggling and this in turn is making my oxygen levels even worse than they would otherwise be despite being on lots of extra oxygen. So I'm on more heart meds to try and help stabilise things and have to wait to see cardiology for their ideas. I find hospital appointments hard because I spend my day to day life trying to make the best of what I can do, but at appointments you are faced with the cold, hard reality of your health and that's a bit scary and saddening. I am not ashamed to say that the thought of my body giving up and dying scares me massively. But that being said I always remind myself that others are far worse off than me and I know I will get back up tomorrow and fight for the best life I can have.