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#breakthevow

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Of all the things love should do. Love shouldn't #captionthis #breakthevow #relationshipgoals #movies #motivationmonday

There's nothing like talking to a man that has talked to God. The strongest men I've came across are the softest men. Not in a sense of being feminine but in a sense that they are able to get in touch with their own vulnerability. Hence creating a balance of the divine feminine and masculine energy. My King, I am your shoulders to cry on, I listen, and will help you to get up.
💜🙏🙌
@odd_man_out_book - YOUR VULNERABILITY ISN'T WEAKNESS. IT IS STRENGTH.⠀
--⠀
Men have had so little practice at expressing their emotions, we don't really know what to do.⠀

We're locked up, emotionally cut off and carrying a deep pain that slowly eats away at us. And because we don't know *how* to talk about it, and because we're given so many messages telling us NOT to talk about it—to shut up, put up and man up—we spend our days feeling separate and alone, even when surrounded by people who love us.⠀

Then one day, we quietly take our own lives.⠀

As Prince William said the other day, male suicide is an "appalling stain on our society." We've reached a point where we can't carry on doing what we've been doing because it's literally killing us.⠀

Something's got to give.⠀

WE *HAVE* TO LEARN TO FEEL. ⠀

It's a life or death situation for thousands upon thousands of men—and that includes the men who look like they've got it all together. Too many of us live lives of quiet desperation.⠀

It's time to break the vow. It's time to feel, talk and cry—however awkward, clunky and embarrassing it feels.⠀

When you do this, you will find that what society has been calling "weakness" is really your greatest strength.⠀

So to the women reading this, I want to invite you to really consider this question: Are you willing to let the men in your life feel, talk and cry, even if it's awkward, weird and uncomfortable?⠀

And to the men reading: Are you willing to take off your mask, let somebody in, and feel, talk and cry? ⠀

As Art Williams said, I'm not telling you it's going to be easy. I'm telling you it's going to be worth it.⠀

It's time to break the vow. ⠀
If this resonates with you, don't just read it: spread the word.⠀

#OddManOutBook #breakthevow #oddmanout

Great post - check out Nige's book #oddmanoutbook Repost from @odd_man_out_book using @RepostRegramApp - I am deeply saddened by Linkin Park lead singer Chester Bennington’s suicide. ⠀

One thing Chester’s death highlights is that things can often look okay on the outside even when they are not on the inside.⠀

Chester’s death communicates something critical about what it is like to be a man today. The vow of male silence makes it virtually impossible for us men to communicate our struggle. For some men, our suffering is so buried that the people closest to us aren't aware of it. Sometimes, we are not even aware of it ourselves. ⠀

For too many men, death by suicide is in some way preferable to breaking the vow of male silence and talking about our pain, because we fear being misunderstood and perceived as weak or less of a man, our suffering brushed aside by people too busy to notice that we are actually desperate. ⠀

Incidentally, Chester wasn’t the only man to take his life yesterday. In the USA an average of 85 men kill themselves every day. Many if not most of these suicides are a complete shock to their family and friends because on the outside everything appears okay. ⠀

So, if you are struggling today, or close to the edge, don’t lose hope, take a risk, reach out and call the Samaritans because your heart matters bro. ⠀

And to anyone coping with the loss of a loved one through suicide, including Chester’s family and friends, we are sending all our love to you at this time of utter heartbreak and devastation. There are no words that can comfort you right now, so simply know that the hearts of millions are with you. ⠀

It's time to break the vow of male silence.⠀
Spread the word. ⠀
--⠀
#oddmanoutbook #breakthevow #mindfulness #wakeup #suicideawareness #brotherhood #omerta #mentalillness #calmzone#mensmentalhealth #maledepression#anxiety #vulnerability #realmencry#allman#malesuicide#chesterbennington#linkinpark

What a weekend! We gave our first ever TEDx talk (may there be more in the future!) and it was... scary, exhilarating, vulnerable and powerful. Sharing my story in front of people feels risky - it's one thing for someone to read it in a book. It's another to say it live in a room. But I did and I'm proud, not just of me but of us. We know the message we share is gritty and hard to hear in places. And we truly believe it can help. Our goal is to be part of the movement that eradicates male suicide by providing permission and spaces for boys and men to talk and feel. Here's to breaking the vow.
It's time to break the vow of male silence.
Join the movement.
Spread the word.
Thanks to Emma for the photo and to @tedxmargate for the opportunity and the platform.
#breakthevow #malesuicide #mentalhealth #timetotalk #timetofeel #oddmanoutbook

*Odd Man Out Stories #6: Don*
Sitting at the dining room table of what is now her home, my former wife and I have a friendly conversation. We talk about what has changed, and what we learned since we ended our marriage of 32 years. ⠀

I tell her “I am very sensitive, always have been. My feelings are easily hurt.”⠀

She looks down, then looks me straight in the eyes. “I didn’t know that. I always thought you were easy going, everything just rolled off your back.”⠀

Even though I was an expert at avoiding my feelings, that hurt. It gets worse. ⠀

The words stumble out as I tell her “I guess I was afraid to be myself. I put on a mask, and tried to be what other people wanted me to be.”⠀

“You mean what you thought other people wanted you to be,” she said.⠀

Damn. So I screwed up my marriage, and also my career and other parts of my life being someone who wasn’t me—but I also wasn’t who people wanted me to be. ⠀

Time to rip off the mask. Time to quit being afraid. Time to be who I really am. But who am I? I hid behind a mask for many years (I was 56 at the time).⠀

I had lived a very typical existence, outwardly successful by middle class, suburban standards. ⠀

Inwardly, it was a different story: I actually got to the point where I accepted that I would live a life of quiet desperation.⠀

Life stepped in and said, “No. No fucking way,” and my marriage dissolved.⠀

I didn’t know who I was behind the mask, but I knew the mask had to come off. ⠀

I knew I needed to “do” something, because I learn and change through taking action. I wrote poetry and read it in public, published a book of haiku, learned to play Native American Flute, taught flute classes and led flute circles. I took yoga classes and meditated.⠀

All of these actions I would never have considered when I wore my mask. I also wouldn’t have asked for help. I wouldn’t have accepted it if it was offered.⠀

Five years after the conversation with my former wife I am still learning who I am. However, I have learned much about myself. I’m on a great path because I now love my life and the people who are part of it. ⠀

I don't worry about what I should do now. I have let go of my mask.

There was a boy in the year above me at school who was pals with my friend's brother. They used to listen to rock 'n' roll on school lunch break. One time I remember laughing as this guy and his mates bopped to the Stray Cats. Later that same week, he hung himself in the loft while listening to an Elvis record. He was 14 years old.⠀

It was so weird; one minute he was jiving on the garage roof and the next minute he was dead.⠀

Everyone was shocked, as they tried to make sense of what had happened in the playground:⠀

"Such a tragic loss."⠀
"He was so young."⠀
"He seemed so happy."⠀
"What a waste of life."⠀

But it wasn’t long before the dust awkwardly settled and his name was never mentioned again. It was like the boy who had ended his life had moved to another planet. ⠀

Sadly, nobody had the nerve to stick around long enough to ask the important questions that would take the conversation deeper, questions like:⠀

What was happening in this boy's life beyond the painted smile?⠀
What was he really feeling on the inside?⠀
What was he forbidden from expressing?⠀

Here’s the thing: around 95% of people who commit suicide are experiencing some kind of depression at the time of their suicide – an illness which I believe is brought about by the loneliness that comes with upholding the vow of male silence. ⠀

Boys, like men, need a space to talk and to express their emotions. We're quick to attribute male youth suicide to bullying, exam pressure or peer pressure but relatively few of us are addressing the issue that boys have very few spaces available to talk about what's really happening for them. ⠀

As a result, male suicide is running rampant – it is the third leading cause of death in youth aged 10 to 24 – around 80% of those deaths are by males. This is an issue that we can't continue to ignore, because closing our eyes won’t make the problem go away. Three or more boys will take their own lives today.⠀
--⠀
It's time to break the vow of male silence.⠀
Spread the word.⠀

#oddmanoutbook #breakthevow #mindfulness #wakeup #suicideawareness #brotherhood #omerta #mentalillness #calmzone#mensmentalhealth #maledepression#anxiety #vulnerability #realmencry#allm

We had a great day at the brilliant @soulcircusfestival yesterday (thanks Roman and Ella for organising such a brilliant festival).
.
I led a men's group (without Ell, obviously 😉), and then we gave a joint interview-style talk about breaking the vow of male silence. .
It was a real pleasure to meet Will Young and give him a copy of the book. He is doing amazing work breaking the vow in his own life and raising awareness around #mentalhealth. We loved his talk about the art of listening (head over to our Twitter to see many nuggets of wisdom from him).
.
We're scheming to get Nige on Will's highly regarded podcast, Homo Sapiens later this year (Will doesn't know about this yet but he will soon 😂).
.
We are so excited to see so many men doing this groundbreaking work. The movement has begun! #breakthevow
Spread the word. .
#masculinity #listening #willyoung #runawaytothecircus #mentalhealthawareness #men #yogafestival #oddmanout #oddmanoutbook

Myth: if you're in touch with the "softer" emotions, you become "weak" - and as @brenebrown found in her research, weakness is the #1 shame trigger for men.
The truth is that you don't lose anything by allowing yourself to be #vulnerable - in fact you only regain your FULL #humanity.
Proof? An hour before this workout, I was in tears, allowing my wife @elloaatkinson to hold me in our living room.
As Sam Keen says, the path to a manly heart runs through a valley of tears. I'm not afraid of my vulnerability. Sure, it's uncomfortable, but as a natural #bodybuilder, I know he value of discomfort. That's where the #growth is.
So here's to strength AND softness: to allowing ourselves to be fully human and fully alive, not stuck in some #manbox
It's time to #breakthevow of #male silence.
Spread the word. --
#masculinity #manup #oddmanoutbook

Omertà conceals the secret guilt and shame that plagues men, leaving them unable to fully connect with the people in their lives. It expects men to act a certain way, to abide by an unspoken set of rules, and above all to stay silent about it. The vow of male silence is upheld and enforced by both men and women, and it’s killing us. It varies slightly depending on culture, geography and generation, but the basic rules for men are: ⠀

Don't feel. Don’t cry. Don’t talk about it. ⠀
Compete. Conquer. Be the best. ⠀
Shut up. Put up. Don’t you dare mess up.⠀
Man up. Man up. MAN THE FUCK UP.⠀

If omertà was an image… it would look like this. ⠀

(We had this image commissioned by the amazing Georgia Flowers @georgia_foxglove and this is the first time we've released this image publicly. ⠀

It was inspired by a drawing I was given years ago of a self-pointing pistol. We went through multiple drafts of this before arriving at the image of the 9mm gun and really feel that Georgia captured the grittiness and horror of the impact that omertà has on men everywhere.)⠀

Please feel free to share this image as we attempt to raise awareness around the true impact of the vow of male silence.⠀

--⠀
It's time to break the vow of male silence.⠀
Spread the word.⠀

#oddmanoutbook #breakthevow #omerta#omertá #allattackisselfattack #boys #raisingboys #guns #wakeup #gangster #gangsta #mensmentalhealth #maledepression #gun #allman #beretta #manup #beaman #gun

MOST RECENT

"It's time to talk, but it's also time to FEEL."⠀

Here's a sneak peek into one of the key lines from our TEDx talk. Men have not only learned that there isn't space for them to talk in our society; they've also learned that there isn't room for their emotions. These are two separate but interrelated points. As vital as breaking the vow of silence is, in our experience, it is usually incomplete unless the talking is accompanied by feeling. ⠀

Telling someone that you're in hell is one thing, but allowing yourself to express the emotion in the presence of another human being often feels far more vulnerable and can be that much more transformative.⠀

We think one of the reasons why so many men are (almost stereotypically) passionate about footie, cricket or rugby (etc etc) is because it gives them a forum where they're allowed to feel all of their emotions — hope, despair, anxiety, disappointment, anger, love, vulnerability, closeness.⠀

We even wonder whether at the core of the whole vow of male silence is the simple fact that we're not very good at doing male vulnerability (perhaps because of the old paradigm where the male role in life was to 'Provide-Protect-Procreate').⠀

That intolerance of vulnerability isn't benign. In many cases it's actually lethal.⠀

That's why it's time to break the vow of male silence.⠀
Join the movement.⠀
Spread the word.⠀

#breakthevow #oddmanoutbook #emotionalintelligence #EQ #football #sport #manup #masculinity #men #TEDx #emotional #foodforthought #maledepression #mentalhealth #itstimetotalk #timetotalk.

What a weekend! We gave our first ever TEDx talk (may there be more in the future!) and it was... scary, exhilarating, vulnerable and powerful. Sharing my story in front of people feels risky - it's one thing for someone to read it in a book. It's another to say it live in a room. But I did and I'm proud, not just of me but of us. We know the message we share is gritty and hard to hear in places. And we truly believe it can help. Our goal is to be part of the movement that eradicates male suicide by providing permission and spaces for boys and men to talk and feel. Here's to breaking the vow.
It's time to break the vow of male silence.
Join the movement.
Spread the word.
Thanks to Emma for the photo and to @tedxmargate for the opportunity and the platform.
#breakthevow #malesuicide #mentalhealth #timetotalk #timetofeel #oddmanoutbook

As weird as Jim Carrey's existential fashion week interview was, when it comes to matters of the heart the man actually speaks some sense.⠀

Jim has struggled with depression in the past and when it comes to taking responsibility for his inner pain he had this to say on the subject. ⠀

“The only way to it is to step into the river of tears and the sorrows of your life. ⠀

The things that everyone is avoiding with everything from drugs to drink to sex and gadgets and whatever else you can distract yourself with, all of it is designed for you to never stop going and moving and, for god sakes, not feel the abyss. Don’t allow yourself to feel the abandonment and pain that you’ve suffered. ⠀

And I’ve done it; I’m through it. I’m sure there will be things that happen again, but I realized that by letting myself fall into it completely, that it’s not to be feared. Death is not to be feared.”⠀

Sounds like Mr C. has read Odd Man Out because he's certainly breaking the vow!⠀

Head over to breakthevow.com to grab a copy of the groundbreaking book Odd Man Out: Breaking the Vow of Male Silence. ⠀

It's time to break the vow of male silence.⠀
Join the movement.⠀
Spread the word.⠀

#oddmanoutbook #breakthevow #mindfulness #meditation #wakeup #jimcarrey #eckharttolle #powerofnow #thepowerofnow #presence #awakening #spirituality #truth

We're busy tweaking our @tedxmargate talk, freaking out and reminding each other to take deep breaths! At the end of the day we're here to be of service and we realise the urgency of this message. ⠀

This work isn't about perfection. It's about perfect expression, and one thing we can guarantee about Saturday is that we'll be bringing our hearts.⠀

All cheerleading welcome!⠀

#tedx #tedtalks #tedxspeaker #publicspeaking #breakthevow #oddmanoutbook #letsgo #wecandothis

The vow of male silence is a code of masculine conduct that men are initiated into when they are boys. One of the predominant rules is "DON'T TALK ABOUT IT!" ⠀

We are all contributing to conditioning boys and men to evade and suppress their emotions and to stay silent about it. We are taught to deal with the hardships of life quickly, rationally and logically. ⠀

It's crazy to think that for lots of men any emotion other than anger is not permitted, especially when all genders are born with the capacity to feel emotions.⠀

Something has to change! ⠀

We have to create a safe space for men to come clean and talk about what is really happening for them on the inside. ⠀

If we don't, men all around the world will continue to isolate themselves living lonely lives of quiet desperation. ⠀

Some will go on to kill themselves. ⠀


It's time to break the vow of male silence.⠀

Spread the word.⠀
--⠀

#oddmanoutbook #breakthevow #mask#archetype #book #reading #mindfulness #wakeup #positivity#suicideawareness #brotherhood #omerta#omertá #mentalillness #calmzone#mensmentalhealth #maledepression#anxiety #vulnerability #realmencry#allman #authenticity #honesty #timetotalk#headstogether #divinemasculine#beaman

Culture is essentially "the way we do things around here" — and it affects everything.⠀

Feminist marketing consultant Kelly Diels is a powerful thought leader who supports people to dare to be a deliberate culture maker, to reject all those unconscious biases that are deeply entrenched in our psyches — racism, ageism, ableism and so on.⠀

We (Nige and Ell) see ourselves as culture makers — and you are too. Anytime you declare that you do not buy into the 'man up' culture, you are asserting yourself as a culture maker. ⠀

As Kelly says: Let's make a better one.⠀

It's time to break the vow of male silence.⠀⠀
Join the movement.⠀⠀
Spread the word. ⠀⠀
--⠀⠀
⠀⠀
#oddmanoutbook #breakthevow #mask#archetype #book #reading#mindfulness #wakeup #positivity#suicideawareness #brotherhood #omerta#omertá #mentalillness #calmzone#mensmentalhealth #maledepression#anxiety #vulnerability #realmencry#allman #authenticity #honesty #timetotalk#headstogether #divinemasculine#beaman#sexism#culture

Did you know we have a podcast too?! We love bantering about everything to do with the book, the vow of male silence and the emotional lives of men and boys... and we'd love you to have a listen!⠀

Our first few episodes have covered:⠀
- What the vow of male silence is⠀
- Masculinity and bodybuilding (including Nige's personal experience)⠀
- The role of accountability in breaking the vow⠀
- Chester Bennington and male suicide⠀
- Male stories and vulnerability⠀

Here's some of our listeners' reviews:⠀

"I love their brilliance! Elloa and Nige are brilliantly transparent, real and honest as they open up this very important conversation for men (and women!). I appreciate being invited into this critical conversation." - Tara Newman⠀

"Amazing. I wholeheartedly recommend this podcast to both men and women. There are SO many gems in here, it's hard to do it justice in a short review. Nige and Ell's courage and vulnerability are inspiring and refreshing. They are a joy to listen to, even when addressing uncomfortable topics. Join this conversation that the world so desperately needs. This is groundbreaking." - Alexandra⠀

Search for Odd Man Out: The Podcast or click here: oddmanout.libsyn.com⠀

Get in touch and share your thoughts, feedback, questions and suggestions. Happy listening.⠀

It's time to break the vow of male silence.⠀
Join the movement.⠀
Spread the word.⠀

--⠀
#podcast #oddmanoutbook #mentalhealth #timetotalk #podcasting #conversation #breakthevow #breakthesilence #vulnerability #risingstrong #authenticity #mensmovement #calmzone #anxiety #depression #awareness #gender

"Do you really want to be on your deathbed,looking back at your life and realising that you were never really present for any of it?"⠀
--⠀

To grab a copy of the "necessary and timely avalanche starting" book that is Odd Man Out: Breaking the Vow of Male Silence head over to breakthevow.com⠀
--⠀

It's time to break the vow of male silence.⠀
Spread the word.⠀
--⠀

#oddmanoutbook #breakthevow #mask#archetype #book #reading#mindfulness #wakeup #positivity#suicideawareness #brotherhood #omerta#omertá #mentalillness #calmzone#mensmentalhealth #maledepression#anxiety #vulnerability #realmencry#allman #authenticity #honesty #timetotalk#headstogether #divinemasculine#beaman#acim#acol

We had a great day at the brilliant @soulcircusfestival yesterday (thanks Roman and Ella for organising such a brilliant festival).
.
I led a men's group (without Ell, obviously 😉), and then we gave a joint interview-style talk about breaking the vow of male silence. .
It was a real pleasure to meet Will Young and give him a copy of the book. He is doing amazing work breaking the vow in his own life and raising awareness around #mentalhealth. We loved his talk about the art of listening (head over to our Twitter to see many nuggets of wisdom from him).
.
We're scheming to get Nige on Will's highly regarded podcast, Homo Sapiens later this year (Will doesn't know about this yet but he will soon 😂).
.
We are so excited to see so many men doing this groundbreaking work. The movement has begun! #breakthevow
Spread the word. .
#masculinity #listening #willyoung #runawaytothecircus #mentalhealthawareness #men #yogafestival #oddmanout #oddmanoutbook

We're excited to announce that we will be speaking at TEDx Margate on September 19th! The talk is called "Breaking the Vow of Male Silence" and both of us (Nige and @elloaatkinson) will be delivering it. Team A all the way! 🎤👫📓🌍 If you're based in or near London and can make it out to Kent for the day, it's going to be a really stimulating event. The theme of the TEDx is "Think Differently" and that's exactly what we are encouraging people to do about maleness and #masculinity.⠀

Go to @tedxmargate for tickets, and see you in September!⠀
--⠀

It's time to break the vow of male silence.⠀
Spread the word.⠀

#tedx #breakthevow #oddmanoutbook #oddmanout #breakthesilence #masculine #manup #realmen #men#ted #tedxspeaker #tedxmargate #thinkdifferently #masculinity #thecreativeprocess #bigmagic #vulnerability #oddmanout #breakthevow #gender #maledepression #brenebrown

Food for thought.⠀

To grab a copy of the groundbreaking book Odd Man Out: Breaking the Vow of Male Silence head over to breakthevow.com⠀

It's time to break the vow of male silence.⠀
Spread the word. ⠀

#masculinity #fatherhood #parenting #rolemodel #consciousparenting #manup #men #male #mentalhealth #boyhood #manhood #breakthevow #oddmanoutbook

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