There are 2 men in this world who have hurt me severely. Both have recently came out of prison and reached out to me. Both unaware of how much they hurt me. When I answer my phone rudely they reply in shock, perhaps expecting the sweet, naive girl they once knew. But I have changed. In fact I am in the process of CHANGING. They may be too but here’s something I realised; our paths will never align because when they reached out to me, they expected to connect to the person they knew in the PAST, not the person that exists now. That’s where the shock stems from.
I can no longer give out my energy freely, it is exhausting. I must protect it at all costs, in order to become the best me. This is also a reason why I have decided to give up casual sex. Not because I feel as if I was defiling myself or being immoral, I was very happy doing it. (In fact that’s why giving it up will be a struggle lmao) But because the energy I was giving out became exhausting and I now want to preserve it. Allowing different energies INSIDE of you does eventually take its toll and I am feeling it now. I am not religious, only spiritual, so I truly believe this.
I also believe I am on a righteous path, and need no distractions. I need to focus and I need my vision to be clear. I have to be true to myself and do what I feel is right. #DEATHTOFAKINGIT - Rukiat