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#transformationtuesday and #nationaleatingdisorderawarenessweek and I'm here to bring you only the AFTER picture. I've posted many before and after compositions, but looking at the before photo hasn't helped me, or anyone else. "I'm worth more than the 'before' photo." #boycottthebefore

Day 26 of #selflovebootcamp 🌻
#BoycottTheBefore!! I never post any “before” ED pictures because they perpetuate the stigma that one must loose weight in order to have a valid ED. Some loose weight, some gain weight, & some maintain their weight through their ED & or recovery. The number on the scale & the amount of weight a person MAY loose during their ED has ZERO correlation with how “severe” or “valid” their eating disorder is. The media ONLY tells 1 narrative about eating disorders and I just happen to fall into it. If I posted a “before” picture, you would see an underweight, white, cisgender anorexic body. I don't want anyone to look at my ED story and believe my weight restoration is what makes it valid. I also don't want to post pictures of my ED body and have some BS Pro-Ana site use it as “thinsportation.” When people post “before” pictures, I find it quite triggering at times as I am sure many others do too. Sometimes I think our EDs want us to show off what “they accomplished,” as sick as that might sound. While I strongly go against posting “before” pictures, I do understand why some people choose to post them & I do NOT judge anyone who does. At times, I have struggled with wanting to post them as well.
Gaining weight in recovery is SO HARD & that is just step 1 in recovery (for some). Learning to accept your body at a larger size is a whole another milestone. It is an incredible feeling to see the transformation physically, especially since the mental transformation cannot be seen. Unfortunately, people with eating disorders feel the need to become visibly “sick enough” in order for others to take them seriously & give them the help they need. While some people like myself “fit the mold” of what ED’s stereotypically “look like,” MANY people do NOT & therefor, they are not treated with the proper medical treatment that they NEED & deserve. All ED sufferers start at different weights, end at different at weights, & have different stable, recovery weights. The number on the scale is IRRELEVANT with regards to eating disorders & weight is only a small portion of what ED recovery is about!!!

Before #NEDAweek wraps up I want to say why I'm boycotting the before. People with eating disorders, no matter how close they are to the other person, no matter how supportive, have the tendency to compare themselves to one another. Everyone's recovery looks different, everyone's trough looks different. Making the "before" a competition to see who was the "sickest" or "smallest" or the "worst off" is so easy to do and is such a toxic string of comparisons. I was orthostatic, osteopenic, and anemic with a heart 15 counts too slow. My hair was falling out, I bruised very easily, my Russell's sign left scarring, and I had trouble getting up without having extreme dizzy spells and collapsing. I was not 80 pounds. I did not have the idealized body or one that is conjured up when you think of an eating disorder. I was not "thinspo" material. Size has no correlation to the severity of an eating disorder and I #boycottthebefore because pictures from the lowest point in my life do not do any justice and do not need to be exploited in the name of recovery. Awareness does not need to be coupled with competition and my intention will never be to invalidate people of any body type fighting the same fight.

My best friend Colleen is now a Campus Editor-at-large as @huffpost and her first piece is up!! {link in my bio} I just wanna take a moment to say thank you to @leenahlovesherself for always being there for me. I think our friendship works so well because we’re both so authentic and honest with ourselves and others, and we also both do DBT therapy. We both have learned such valuable skills in each of our individual DBT therapies, and along with getting each other cause we’re both in recovery, we both are learning every day how to communicate and navigate life more effectively. I so wish you were in my DBT group!! But even though we’re in different states and there’s some physical distance, the friendship is so loving and honest, and silly and fun at the same time, and I’m so damn grateful for you. You inspire me every day to be a better person. And I’m so proud of us. Within a month of our friendship, I had #BoycottTheBefore go viral. You were so supportive every step of the way. And here we are now, and you are having such great opportunities to shine as well. And I’m so happy for you. 🌟

chub appreciation post. in honor of #nedawareness #nedaweek love your skin, even the extra 💕eating disorders are real & it's important to spread the awareness. if you know anyone who may be struggling with one, reach out to them, support them & get them help. don't let your eating disorder define your life. you are more than words & numbers. appreciate & love the beautiful body & soul you were blessed with. 💪🏼 #BoycottTheBefore

Hello lovelies—
So, I debated posting anything that directly related to myself during NEDA week, but then, on this last day, I felt a sudden longing to do so. What better way to stress the importance of eating disorder awareness in the intersectional feminist community than by relating it to the story of a person I know so well?
#BoycotttheBefore is a movement that celebrates recovered bodies or bodies in recovery, no matter their relation to a lowest or highest body weight associated with an eating disorder. It's certainly awing to see a picture of myself like the one on the right, taken over two years after I began recovery from anorexia, and not remember the "before" body.
At the same time, however, I am also reminded of what it meant to starve, to treat my body with such disregard, hatred, and lack of love. I still grapple with it some days. Other days, I am reminded of all that I've become in its aftermath: I'm an author and a good student and a kind person and have a good heart. These are the things that hold value—certainly more value than any coveted body type.
Most importantly, though, I wanted to post this to emphasize what this community has meant to my recovery and growth as a person. I am inspired everyday by your strength, brilliance, and kindness. You are people that I feel lucky to have known, to call my friends. You have taught me the value and weight of existence. I am still growing, recovering, and learning. But now I do it in the comfort that there is a community of people with hearts as big as mine and voices just as loud that want to make this world better. For it, I am forever in your debt.
So, as we move forward from #nedawareness week, remember to be compassionate and kind as you have always been. And let's continue to support mental health legislature and respect for those suffering with mental illnesses. Together, we can change the world.
I am so grateful.
So, so grateful.

Body hair is just that. BODY hair. Those little buggers are all over the show and that is NORMAL. I have thick dark hair above my lips, on my chin, under my chin, on my breasts, on my tummy, all around my pubic area and all the 'usual' places, arms, arm pits and legs.
I have worked with my body to learn to accept my body hair. It doesn't make me less of a woman. It certainly doesn't make me any less beautiful or attractive.
I have also worked within my self to acknowledge when I have the desire to remove hair for my own pleasure. It doesn't make me any less of a feminist. It certainly doesn't make me any less body positive.
Unpicking these standards we're set is such a mind fuck. But finding the part of me that listens compassionately to myself has been joyful. Now I remove hair when I decide, not when I feel the pressures of society to do so.

#repost @aaroncarter #aaroncarter
I had to share this with all of my followers because I am just so touched and heartened by the fact that we have a blessed soul like Aaron to give a voice to those of us who struggle with losing too much weight and struggling to gain it back so that our bodies can perform their functions properly. Aaron is a fucking warrior, just like so many of us. He recently went public about fighting an eating disorder on and off and how much of a toll it has taken and still takes on his life. I am so glad he shared an unconventional "before & after" photo. I know he isn't the first to do it but it is refreshing simply to see the prevalence of them increase. People are steadily recognizing how disillusioned we are. People are finally #boycottingthebefore #boycottthebefore #boycottthebeforephoto. Thank you, Aaron. We're proud of you. Keep being strong <3

a year and many mental breakdowns, friends lost, medication, and ten pounds later and I was finally able to look at myself in the mirror tonight to take this without feeling terrible about what I saw. recovery isn't easy but this has all made me into the person I am today and I'm a stronger because of it 💪🏻💪🏻 #nedawarenessweek #boycottthebefore


Thanks giving is just right around the corner! And while most of us are getting ready to chow it down hard during the festivities, a few of us, (roughly around 30 million people in the U.S. alone ) are suffering from an eating disorder and they find the Holidays to be dreadful. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Most of them are going to be afraid because they might lose control around food. But most of them are actually worried that they’re probably not equipped enough to handle their unsympathetic and fat-phobic Aunt Suzie who’ll tell them “it looks like you gained some weight sweetie (LOL)” at first sighting. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But as much as I would like to talk about Aunt Suzie and encourage her to be more considerate, I really want to just speak to you. Yes, you who’s worried about the food that you’re about to consume and you who’s pretending that you’re fine and harmful remarks about your body doesn’t bother you.
1. First of all, food is not your enemy. Don’t worry about what you’ll eat. Just know that whatever it is that’s going to be served, it’s just there. It’s going to be available at your disposal any time of the year. There’s no need to use food to numb whatever it is that you’re trying to burry. Feed until you’re satisfied. Savor it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2. Worry about what’s eating at you instead. And I say this because we can’t really control what other people will do or say. It’s unfortunate and I wish people in general would be less ignorant about things but it’s just the way it is. It’s gonna be hard. But you have to find a way to face what’s eating you head on. When you run towards your fears, you’ll find that they’ll start to run away from you. And when you can settle the score with your monster, what you should eat will not be an issue anymore. You’ll know what to do.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
3. In the event that you’re not ready to face this monster. Know that you’re not alone in this. And this too will pass. Just hold on.

Tag someone who needs to see this.

Where are my manners? I haven’t properly introduced myself yet... Hi, I’m Paulo. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I want you to really know me so I’ll give you about a hundred things that you might want to know about me over a period of time. But let’s start with 10 for now. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Here we go... ⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
100. I can wiggle my ears without touching them.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
99. I can’t open my eyes underwater.
98. The only award that I ever received in my life was a participation medal for P.E. when I was in 4th grade.
97. I cry when dogs die in movies.
96. I’m a horrible scrabble player.
95. My favorite colors are white, black and green.
94. I freakin love sushi!
93. And donuts. I freakin love donuts too.
92. I stare at my ceiling during my free time.
91. I tasked myself with the mission of helping those who , just like me, are suffering with chronic dieting, body image issues, emotional eating, binge eating, dysfunctional eating and the likes. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
90. So I founded New Earth Nutrition and took the mantle of the “Anti-Diet Dude” on with the intention of inspiring people to fall in love with food and their own bodies again.
Nice to meet you.

I can remember taking "before" pictures so far back. Way before camera phones. The days where you'd have to go take your film in and wait 5 days for them to be developed. I remember hiding them in my bedroom deciding not to look again until 3 months later when I would take my 'after' pictures and compare the two. This is no way for a teenager to live and think about her growing & changing body. To constantly fight it and compare it to itself and others. #enddietculture #boycottthebefore #gainingweightiscool
#JDPT #bodypositive #bopo #bopomovement #bopomove #effyourbeautystandards #effyourbodystandards #effyourfitspo #bigandblunt #selflove #selfloveisthebestlove #strongwoman

There is a change that is mine - and it started when I gave up the idea that "10lbs was the difference between happy and not."

It started when I stopped wearing t-shirts on beaches, stopped losing weight and looking down thinking "never enough" - and started looking up at that camera, sitting in front of 1000s of you - and said "fuck it. This is my body - and 7-10lbs was never worth all that shit before."

As you all know, I hate #transformationtuesday. I hate that it centers around weight loss or gain. What about the transformations in our brains? In our presence? In our ability to look up instead of down?

I wore tshirts on beaches for years. Wouldn't even think to go in water without them. That pic is someone (joking) trying to take if off me.

Then, I lost that "life stopping 10lbs" and I still couldn't look up - terrified that it wasn't enough. Anorexia is never enough.

Look up, Linds - I wanna say to that girl. Look up. You are wasting precious life for 10lbs. Who gives a shit?

Look up. Live flexible. I'm so glad that lil girl decided to look up - and take off that t shirt. That's the transformation of my bloody life 💛

#edfam #howiamhealing #neda #boycottthebefore #embracethesquish #recovery #bopo #eatingdisorders #ed #edfamily #edrecovery #pcos #prorecovery #bodyposi #recoveryisworthit #allbodiesaregoodbodies #bodypositive #effyourbeautystandards #flexiblerecovery #edfamily

The girl on the left was extremely underweight and hated her body. She had an unhealthy relationship with herself and others and no self respect.
The girl on the right is a work in progress. My weight, along with my self esteem, has yo-yoed. Now is really the first time in my life I believe I’m on the right path- emotionally, physically, and mentally. I’m taking care of my body FOR me. I’m not looking to be skinny but STRONG. I know that not a damn thing is going to change on the outside until I change on the inside and that the people that matter will stick by my side through it all.
I’m not there yet but I’m a hell of a lot closer than I’ve ever been. I welcome change, I welcome fluctuation, but self doubt is going to have to take a hike.
#recovery #grateful #justbe #innerlove #selflove #innerpeace #sweetdreams #bodylove #bopo #anxiety #introvert #infj #ocd #followyourheart #empoweringwomen #transformation #youareenough #youarebeautiful #youbelong #gratitude #growth #spiritjunkie #warrior #wellness #satnam #namaste #loveanybody #effyourbeautystandards #boycottthebefore

Some dude commented that I have "holy fuck a fuckload of wrinkles," so I went to an 🌏🚢 at @earthshipbiotecture, ate a 🍌picked from the tree, and smiled real big 💛

Got one of those shitty azz comments: one of those that validates all those lil ticks about weight or this or that. Mine is wrinkles. I got 'em. Mostly, they're laugh lines- but I did fakebake for 10 years like an a-hole, tanned to feel "thin" and on top of that I treated my body like shit for 8 years. So, ya know - I got a couple forming - it is what it is.

"You're wrinkled as fuck."

Ahhh; thank you - you absolute bag of ass (lol) - was my first thought.

But, then, I kinda had that moment of like "well, that's not the first person to tell me that."

Side note yo: having a bit of a following online is not always peaches n cream. It's great to connect - I have it good - but man, people are blunt.

Anyway, so they said it, right? I'm wrinkled "as fuck."

I kinda smirked. Alright, well, I guess that's that. Not a whole lot I can do about it. I could rant to the person "NU UH I HAVE SMILE LINES!! You're mean!!!!"

But like, okay. That doesn't change that it was acknowledged. And I choose how to process it. Hurt people hurt people. Idk this dudes story - but I imagine he's hurting.

At the end of the day, it's acknowledged. And I'm okay. I don't look at it as wrinkles tho - I look at it like "alright I smile really big and my body doesn't always keep up"

I'm living a life, and it's flexible and I'm happy and I'm sad and I'm high and low. Could Botox the wrinkles one day - but I'd rather save for a van - I'd rather write - I'd rather go on after this message, unencumbered - cause at the end of the day, does it really bloody matter? I've got bigger fish to fry 💛

#edfam #howiamhealing #neda #boycottthebefore #embracethesquish #recovery #bopo #eatingdisorders #ed #edfamily #edrecovery #pcos #prorecovery #bodyposi #recoveryisworthit #eatittobeatit #runnergirl

Post run cool down after an interview with @womensrunningmagazine went live today.

Reading it, I felt that urge. "Man I used to be a motha f*ckin' superstar," will always be my initial thought.

You forget the pain ya know? You forget the stress fractures. You forget the time you spent on treadmills instead of outside. You forget the loneliness of a gym at 11pm and the charlie horses cinching your calves at 4am.

You forget - you idealize. You miss.

Truth is, I can't run more than a couple miles these days. I don't even remember how I once ran half marathons on the reg.

I miss that sometimes. That high off a run - that feeling of knowing you beat out that girl next to you.

Of course I miss. I am human. No one has an eating disorder if there's not some instant gratification to it. There's gratification always in ED. I acknowledge that.

But, as I sit here typing this sh*t out - looking at my side and the way it comes together - reading this article, drinking this glass of wine, watching a show with my roommate - I know I am damn more fulfilled in the "flexible recovery" - squishes and all.

Read a book on the treadmill today - that's how slow I jog now LOL - but I enjoy it and I'm not missing my life. I missed so much before. So much precious time. Don't want to lose any more years 💛

#edfam #howiamhealing #neda #boycottthebefore #embracethesquish #recovery #bopo #eatingdisorders #ed #edfamily #edrecovery #pcos #prorecovery #bodyposi #recoveryisworthit #eatittobeatit #fitfam #runnergirl #runninggirl

A reminder on these #transformationtuesday days: it's not about weight gain or loss.

My body was the same in both pictures. Same weight - same feel.

In one, I was 21, hadn't eaten all day, drove a car after two glasses of wine - and rightfully got a DWI.

Its been nearly 7 years since I took that haunting (but yes, you can laugh) mug shot.

And it took me another 3 after that jail sesh to ask for help. Despite a DWI - despite blood on my fingers from purging - despite the tendency to replace meals with wine - I still didn't think I was "sick enough" to deserve help.

I knew I was sick, mind you. Look at that girl to left. Sheesh. But, I didn't ask for it because I was a "normal weight."

Eating disorders are not about the damn weight. They are a lifestyle; a maniacal obsession. And they cause you to do things you wouldn't otherwise do. They creep into your life in more ways than whether or not you consumed X amount of cals and lost a ton of weight.

At the end of the day, you can change your body all you want - but if you don't have your eating disorder worked out - it'll control your life anyway.

Recovery isn't about the weight gain - it's about learning how to respect yourself again. It's about changing the dialogue inside your head. It's about healing and radical forgiveness and accepting the "flexible okay" worlds we create. That's a #transformationtuesday - that's the one I live by. 💛

#edfam #howiamhealing #neda #boycottthebefore #embracethesquish #recovery #bopo #eatingdisorders #ed #edfamily #edrecovery #pcos #prorecovery #bodyposi #recoveryisworthit #allbodiesaregoodbodies

Just gonna say it: I am fucking sick of the #transformationtuesday "before and after" pics of eating disorders.

You want a "before and after?" Here, you got it. Not the shock value you needed is it?

Had an interview with a big magazine today - they followed up wanting my drastic, shock-infused before and after pics for click-bait.

I don't have it. And like I'll say again and again, my weight was never that different in my eating disorder. Sure, it was a lil more physically apparent at some given time. But, that's not the definition of eating disorders - it is not the definition that invokes shock and awe.

Eating disorders are a mentality. They are a maniacal obsession. They are not really about weight - but more about the weight of the feeling that you must abide by this and that - and that you are not able to combat it alone.

These before and after pics of me - these are not indicative of my eating disorder. You know what is? Looking at that little girl on the left and knowing she's looking down because she's terrified that a camera went off and she's not in all black, baggy clothes.

That girl to her right - with the computer - and the grin - that's me. That's what I am. It's not about weight - it's about living flexibly okay - secure, confident, and okay with what is now 💛

#pcos #pcosawareness #recovery #recoveryisworthit #edrecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #bopo #edfam #edawareness #recoveryfam #denver #neda #prorecovery #boycottthebefore

#repost @aaroncarter #aaroncarter
I had to share this with all of my followers because I am just so touched and heartened by the fact that we have a blessed soul like Aaron to give a voice to those of us who struggle with losing too much weight and struggling to gain it back so that our bodies can perform their functions properly. Aaron is a fucking warrior, just like so many of us. He recently went public about fighting an eating disorder on and off and how much of a toll it has taken and still takes on his life. I am so glad he shared an unconventional "before & after" photo. I know he isn't the first to do it but it is refreshing simply to see the prevalence of them increase. People are steadily recognizing how disillusioned we are. People are finally #boycottingthebefore #boycottthebefore #boycottthebeforephoto. Thank you, Aaron. We're proud of you. Keep being strong <3

Catch up continues... Day 28 - #BoycottTheBefore
This is a photo of me from a few months ago, before I cut off all my hair. My body shape is pretty much the same as this still. I was at a kids themed birthday. I don't usually like showing off my legs, or my stomach, but I wore high waisted shorts. Fairly tight shorts. And idgaf. Because I'm before than a before photo. This is how I look, and I'm going to love that.
#tbt #selflovebootcamp #selflove #septemberselflovers #selfimage #selflove #selfesteem #selfcare #selfworth #loveyourself #tattoos @boycottthebefore

Day 28 of #selflovebootcamp -- #boycottthebefore

A year ago today, my world started to change.

I was a different person then -- confident. Loud. Always moving in a thousand directions at once. The center of any group. The force holding people together.

I'm different now. And it's taken me a year to see that different is not a bad thing.

The other day, a mentor who has known me for five years said, "You seem much different now. Less hyper."

I like quiet. I like being alone. I don't want to be the center of anything. I voice my opinions, but in a much different way. I am kinder. Softer.

There is no need to compare myself to the old me. I'm still me. I'm a different version of me, but that's not a bad thing.

I am enough.

#mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthwarrior #mentalhealthawareness #bipolar #depression #anxiety #ocd #ptsd #selfie #selflove #fourosix #montana #woman

@omgkenzieee #selflovebootcamp day 29:

Day 29 is a rest day!! I chose to celebrate my birthday early with @blondookie 💖 there's no one I would rather spend the rest of my forever with 💖 thanks for making me feel special.. not just today, but every day. You're the most thoughtful person I know.

Yesterday (day 28) was #boycottthebefore day. Even though I didn't post because life is crazy, I still want to address its importance. "Boycott the Before" is a hashtag and a movement created by @lexiemanion that addresses the importance of eating disorder recovery. It suggests that we are ALL on different journeys that can't be explained with a simple "before" and "after". Photos of "before" and "after" give others the wrong impression; they say that since "after" photos have been posted, suffering individuals are no longer suffering. NEWS FLASH. We still are! You can never be fully recovered. Every day might get a little bit better, and things may get easier, but that doesn't mean that any sort of suffering has suddenly evaporated into thin air. Posting before and after pictures feed into the idea that a fuckin photo can tell you anything about a person.. you have no idea how anyone has struggled or how they got to where they are by a photograph. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

#happy #love

#boycottthebefore day and I am happy that this is a thing. I am a work in progress and I will not shame my before person because she is relevant to who I am today. She worked hard to make my today's self happy. #selflove #selflovebootcamp #daytwentyeight #boycotthebefore

Never believe you're any less, YOU are more 💗 #boycottthebefore #iammore #SelfLoveBootcamp #bodypositive #bopo #bopowarrior

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