#boycottthebefore

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There is a pair of black jeans in my draw that I really enjoy wearing. I suppose without meaning to sell out totally, they're my skinny jeans. And they scare the shit out of me.
Remember that feeling when you stepped on the scales and saw a 'bad' number? You'd be like Eeor all day, a black cloud over your head, anxious about eating & desperate to 'keep it together' so you'd see a 'better' number the next day. It's almost like it's turned into that. Like my poor disordered brain NEEDS something to be a gold standard, a test to pass - or fail.
Clothes often feel 'challenging', I buy sizes bigger than I need in case I need extra 'recovery room' & I live in outfits that don't put too much pressure on my folds of skin. I try to be cute, & to have a style, but some nights I can't even put PJs on because I don't want those additional anxieties in my head about the waist band digging in as I fall to sleep.
To get through I focus on is how much I enjoy my life now. How much I have accomplished & achieved in just the last few months. I focus on feeling great in my body when I can. On enjoying my new shape, because despite this uncontrollable, troublesome thought, I really do love my shape.
But I do my best to ease my self in to outfits that scare me or create anxiety, because part of not giving a fuck, is JUST NOT GIVING A FUCK.

Look! I have thighs and arms and a stomach and boobs and that's okay!
Because "before" photos are triggering and place the importance on sickness rather than recovery, this #nedaawarenessweek I choose to #boycottthebefore! Here's to almost 3 years of recovery, and facing my fears 3x a day, every day!

Gentle reminder for Kenzie's self love bootcamp: tomorrow is #BoycottTheBefore day. While I don't mind if anyone posts before and after photos on their own time, I ask you to not post them under the hashtag. The hashtag isn't for me; it's literally for the ED survivors of the community to have a safe place to go to. I'm coming down on this today because people have been completely disrespectful, whether it be using my tag to gain attention or blocking me and my friends for kindly asking them to remove the hashtag. While I understand completely if you disagree with my campaign, there is no need to directly interfere with it. Posting before and after photos under the hashtag is disrespectful to the safe space I've worked hard to create. And please know I'm only being strict with this because there are a bunch of before/after photos under that hashtag right now, and the people who refuse to simply edit their posts to delete the hashtag have said unkind things to me and/or blocked me for just being a decent human being to them. So please, even if you hate what I'm doing, consider that you're not taking it out on just me, but also the recovery community. Thank you. And for those who support #BoycottTheBefore, check out @FearlesslyFaceless - this new campaign of mine discourages photos or selfies of any kind, as it is meant to spread awareness about eating disorders and the message that ED sufferers are faceless. ❀️ #selflovebootcamp

#transformationtuesday and #nationaleatingdisorderawarenessweek and I'm here to bring you only the AFTER picture. I've posted many before and after compositions, but looking at the before photo hasn't helped me, or anyone else. "I'm worth more than the 'before' photo." #boycottthebefore

Say hello to Lara! My beautiful #wcw 😍 I have been following her for what feels like forever, and I'm so happy that instagram brought me to her. πŸ‘― She is inspiring, and real; and has the biggest and cutest dog in the world. πŸ˜‚πŸΆ This post that she made is SPOT ON. Please take the time to read it and check out her Instagram. Who doesn't love following a badass, gorgeous woman?? πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€” #Repost @larapro4 with @repostapp
・・・
I've noticed there's a #BoycottTheBefore movement going on and I wanted to add my two cents on the topic. I understand the reason for it, but I also can see the other side as well. When I post my "before and after" pictures, I'm not simply posting it because I'm smaller. It's deeper than that. The girl in the before photo isn't less of a person. I wasn't ugly. I wasn't fat. I wasn't necessarily an unhealthy person, but I'll admit I wasn't treating my body the way it deserved. It wasn't about the number on the scale or how I carried a little extra fat. I always felt sluggish. I would waste days away being hungover. I lacked confidence. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.
I'm still the same girl in the picture on the right, but I've decided to make my mental and physical health my number one priority. I don't drink as much. I don't eat as much processed foods. I'm more active than ever before. I get up early and feel energized. I sleep well at night. I'm passionate about this lifestyle and how it makes me feel. My intention with these pictures is never to make someone feel like losing weight is the only way to be happy and love yourself. I'm a firm believer in all bodies are beautiful. Every persons journey is different and it all comes down to finding what makes you happy. ❀❀❀

When I lost weight, I was not suddenly 'happier' with myself. I was not a 'better' person, nor was I any w o r t h i e r then I was before.
I see numerous transformation photos talking about how miserable and lost they felt when they were heavier. That their new found 'skinnier' body makes them feel happier and accepted in society.
Yes, I strive for every BODY to be happy and healthy in their own way, but I believe happiness starts from within. A skinnier body is not suddenly going to fix all of the complicated shit you are battling on the inside. A skinnier body may make you feel accepted by society, but it will not suddenly make you accept yourself.
In the photo on the left I weighed nearly 250lbs. When I reached my lowest weight of 139lbs I was more miserable then I had been in my entire life. I was thin, everyone told me i looked fantastic, but i was still struggling with a horrible body image and relationship with food.
Since then I have gained around 25 lbs and have been fighting day in and out to find my h e a l t h y. Healthy meaning improving my relationship with food, body image, and overall mental health.
I started by accepting and loving my body at all stages. I taught myself that my happiness is not dictated by my outward appearance but my relationship with my inner self. I learned it does not matter whether society accepts me, it matters if I accept myself. This is how I learned to love ALL of myself.
Losing weight for health reasons is a huge accomplishment, but it will not make you a better person. You have always been a beautiful badass, you just have to learn to find that on the inside. Once you learn to love your inner self, everything else sort of falls into place.
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#healthyismybody#boycottthebefore#selflovebootcamp

So insanely grateful that @run2golden posted this @boycottthebefore movement. This speaks to me in so many ways. β€’8 years ago I weighed over 260 pounds. I had been heavier my whole life, not active, ate in a way that made me hate myself but couldn't seem to get out of. I had great family and friends. I had my (now) husband. I worked + had fun but I didn't understand how to love myself. I viewed dieting + exercise as punishment and didn't feel good enough to be a healthier version of myself. I felt robbed of happiness b/c I thought being skinny was the only route to it. β€’Fast forward a year + a half later, I lost over 100 pounds. I got obsessed, disordered, restricted and binged for a couple of years and never would allow myself to ask for help because I never 'looked' sick. Well, when you lose hair + your period your body is telling you something. I was cold in 80 degree weather. Not healthy. And I was NOT happy.
Long story shortened- I may not 'look' like the industry standard of a fitness instructor. I have extra skin on my stomach and arms from the weight loss (that never totally tightened even when I was 25 pounds smaller) + I LOVE to eat. I stopped counting calories obsessively, I listen to my body for hunger and craving cues, + I exercise because I love it. I have been through a lot with disordered eating + hating my body, +I refuse to entertain another second of my life with that nonsense. I am a happy person b/c of that decision.

My before pic at 260 pounds or at 130 pounds does not define me. I am a loving, accepting, strong person. Always have been. I can run 10 miles, I can teach 4 spin classes in a day. My pant size doesn't dictate my spot in the fitness industry. I am strong + I enjoy life. What I eat in a meal doesn't make me more or less of a good person. What the extra skin on my tummy looks like doesn't tell you that I stand up for equality + would run to be by my friends sides anytime they need me.
Love the body you are in right now. You can work on your health + SHOULD but if you don't love who you are right now, I promise you will not love yourself 100 pounds smaller. ❀

#nycfitnessinstructor #boycottthebefore #neda

I talked in my last post about all the lived experiences that make up who I am today. And the same is true of my body. Every cell tells a story of all the moments I've lived through. All the scars, stretch marks, dents in my skin. And proudly, now it tells the story of recovery too.
My body is a map of everywhere I've been. It's a story board of all the things I have experienced and lived through.
No one can see what roads are marked on my skin unless I show them, there is both privilege and disadvantage with in that. But on reflection it's important to remember this is the same for everyone we meet. You never know what marks their skin, or their mind. What places of privilege or disadvantage they come from.
Go without judgment. Free your self of expectations. Imagine the unimaginable and show compassion at all times. You never know when you might need it your self!

I feel like #selfcaresunday is a really privileged way to talk about talking care of your self.
My Sunday starts like any other day, emptying the bag of urine I've collected over night and doing painful physio that means I'm able to take some steps. And the fact that I can do those things unaided is in its self privilege. There are many people here who's self care is self directed. Their morning starts with another person entering their room and providing personal care on their behalf.
It also further demoralises those with mental health problems who struggle to brush their teeth or change their knickers every day of the week.
It's not that we shouldn't have some way of acknowledging that we're indulging our selves somehow, but that we need to be aware of the privilege those actions hold.
I love my body, and I want to treat it well, but often that means putting a needle in my chest or flushing out my bowels rather than a face mask or buying my self flowers.

I am with everyone who struggles to be consistent in their self care. With everyone who feels marginalised because they can't physically or financially participate in popular forms of 'self care'. I am with every person who's having to partake in difficult procedures or activities just to keep them selves alive. I am with everyone who's mental health has already made self care an arduous task. And I am with everyone who doesn't have the privilege to be involved in what seems to be a very white, very able, cis-het, middle class practice.
Happy Sunday everyone. Whatever it is you're able to do for you, I hope it starts with true compassion.

MOST RECENT

Day 26: #boycottthebefore
I am not a before and after picture; that is not my journey. It doesn't tell my story.
I am Amanda.
I am a girl.
I am heterosexual.
I am Catholic.
I am a proud American.
I am a loving daughter.
I am a loving sister.
I am a loving girlfriend.
I am a loving friend.
I am a lover of animals.
I am a passionate individual.
I am a coffee-addict.
I am a book worm.
I am a volleyball fanatic.
I am clumsy.
I am weird.
I am dedicated.
I am strong.
I am smart.
______________________________

I am not my ED; I have an ED.
I am not my anxiety; I have anxiety.
I am not my struggles. My struggles are a part of me.
#selflovebootcamp #selflove #selflovechallenge

Day 26 of @omgkenzieee 's #SelfLoveBootcamp and today is #BoycottTheBefore βœ’ I refuse to compare myself to when I used to be slimmer anymore, because it doesn't bring me any joy.
βœ’ Looking at how my body has changed over the years triggers guilt and shame and that's not healthy!
βœ’ I am living in this body I have right now and I'm learning to love it...chubby bits n'all!!
βœ’ BED is trying to ruin my life and I refuse to let it!
πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€— Remember you're worth it. Remember tomorrow can always be brighter than today β˜€β˜€β˜€
#NoHate #PlusSize #BOPO #CurvyGirl #HonourMyCurves #AllBodiesAreGoodBodies #BodyPositive #PlusSized #PlusSizeFashion #BOPOWarrior #Curves #NaturalRedHead #Redheadsdoitbetter #Naturalginger #Redhead #Ginger #CurveAppeal #EveryBODYisBeautiful #BePositive #PositiveThinking #Inspirational #Emotions #Cellulite #BED #ED #Anxiety

When I lost weight, I was not suddenly 'happier' with myself. I was not a 'better' person, nor was I any w o r t h i e r then I was before.
I see numerous transformation photos talking about how miserable and lost they felt when they were heavier. That their new found 'skinnier' body makes them feel happier and accepted in society.
Yes, I strive for every BODY to be happy and healthy in their own way, but I believe happiness starts from within. A skinnier body is not suddenly going to fix all of the complicated shit you are battling on the inside. A skinnier body may make you feel accepted by society, but it will not suddenly make you accept yourself.
In the photo on the left I weighed nearly 250lbs. When I reached my lowest weight of 139lbs I was more miserable then I had been in my entire life. I was thin, everyone told me i looked fantastic, but i was still struggling with a horrible body image and relationship with food.
Since then I have gained around 25 lbs and have been fighting day in and out to find my h e a l t h y. Healthy meaning improving my relationship with food, body image, and overall mental health.
I started by accepting and loving my body at all stages. I taught myself that my happiness is not dictated by my outward appearance but my relationship with my inner self. I learned it does not matter whether society accepts me, it matters if I accept myself. This is how I learned to love ALL of myself.
Losing weight for health reasons is a huge accomplishment, but it will not make you a better person. You have always been a beautiful badass, you just have to learn to find that on the inside. Once you learn to love your inner self, everything else sort of falls into place.
.
.
.
.
.
#healthyismybody#boycottthebefore#selflovebootcamp

There is a pair of black jeans in my draw that I really enjoy wearing. I suppose without meaning to sell out totally, they're my skinny jeans. And they scare the shit out of me.
Remember that feeling when you stepped on the scales and saw a 'bad' number? You'd be like Eeor all day, a black cloud over your head, anxious about eating & desperate to 'keep it together' so you'd see a 'better' number the next day. It's almost like it's turned into that. Like my poor disordered brain NEEDS something to be a gold standard, a test to pass - or fail.
Clothes often feel 'challenging', I buy sizes bigger than I need in case I need extra 'recovery room' & I live in outfits that don't put too much pressure on my folds of skin. I try to be cute, & to have a style, but some nights I can't even put PJs on because I don't want those additional anxieties in my head about the waist band digging in as I fall to sleep.
To get through I focus on is how much I enjoy my life now. How much I have accomplished & achieved in just the last few months. I focus on feeling great in my body when I can. On enjoying my new shape, because despite this uncontrollable, troublesome thought, I really do love my shape.
But I do my best to ease my self in to outfits that scare me or create anxiety, because part of not giving a fuck, is JUST NOT GIVING A FUCK.

Gentle reminder for Kenzie's self love bootcamp: tomorrow is #BoycottTheBefore day. While I don't mind if anyone posts before and after photos on their own time, I ask you to not post them under the hashtag. The hashtag isn't for me; it's literally for the ED survivors of the community to have a safe place to go to. I'm coming down on this today because people have been completely disrespectful, whether it be using my tag to gain attention or blocking me and my friends for kindly asking them to remove the hashtag. While I understand completely if you disagree with my campaign, there is no need to directly interfere with it. Posting before and after photos under the hashtag is disrespectful to the safe space I've worked hard to create. And please know I'm only being strict with this because there are a bunch of before/after photos under that hashtag right now, and the people who refuse to simply edit their posts to delete the hashtag have said unkind things to me and/or blocked me for just being a decent human being to them. So please, even if you hate what I'm doing, consider that you're not taking it out on just me, but also the recovery community. Thank you. And for those who support #BoycottTheBefore, check out @FearlesslyFaceless - this new campaign of mine discourages photos or selfies of any kind, as it is meant to spread awareness about eating disorders and the message that ED sufferers are faceless. ❀️ #selflovebootcamp

I feel like #selfcaresunday is a really privileged way to talk about talking care of your self.
My Sunday starts like any other day, emptying the bag of urine I've collected over night and doing painful physio that means I'm able to take some steps. And the fact that I can do those things unaided is in its self privilege. There are many people here who's self care is self directed. Their morning starts with another person entering their room and providing personal care on their behalf.
It also further demoralises those with mental health problems who struggle to brush their teeth or change their knickers every day of the week.
It's not that we shouldn't have some way of acknowledging that we're indulging our selves somehow, but that we need to be aware of the privilege those actions hold.
I love my body, and I want to treat it well, but often that means putting a needle in my chest or flushing out my bowels rather than a face mask or buying my self flowers.

I am with everyone who struggles to be consistent in their self care. With everyone who feels marginalised because they can't physically or financially participate in popular forms of 'self care'. I am with every person who's having to partake in difficult procedures or activities just to keep them selves alive. I am with everyone who's mental health has already made self care an arduous task. And I am with everyone who doesn't have the privilege to be involved in what seems to be a very white, very able, cis-het, middle class practice.
Happy Sunday everyone. Whatever it is you're able to do for you, I hope it starts with true compassion.

I talked in my last post about all the lived experiences that make up who I am today. And the same is true of my body. Every cell tells a story of all the moments I've lived through. All the scars, stretch marks, dents in my skin. And proudly, now it tells the story of recovery too.
My body is a map of everywhere I've been. It's a story board of all the things I have experienced and lived through.
No one can see what roads are marked on my skin unless I show them, there is both privilege and disadvantage with in that. But on reflection it's important to remember this is the same for everyone we meet. You never know what marks their skin, or their mind. What places of privilege or disadvantage they come from.
Go without judgment. Free your self of expectations. Imagine the unimaginable and show compassion at all times. You never know when you might need it your self!

So we're in the midst of summer and I've been seeing all of these "get your beach body ready" posts (πŸ™„) I've trained myself to ignore them, and thankfully I'm at a point in recovery where instead of triggering me, they just piss me the fuck off. But recently, I've found myself getting ESPECIALLY irritated.
I wasn't sure if I was going crazy or just being over dramatic, so I conducted a mini experiment. For 3 days I screenshotted any negative body/food memes that I saw on social media. Turns out, I wasn't going crazy. Just look at what I found ‴️‴️‴️‴️ I was appalled. In 3 short days I collected more memes than could fit into one photo collage. That's right, over the course of just 72 hours, millions of people were subjected to these messages.πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈπŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈπŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ These aren't from pro-ana, fitness or thinspo accounts, but random social influencers who were made famous because they're "funny." BUT I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU:
You aren't funny. Hating yourself isn't funny. Eating until you "feel like you're going to die" isn't funny. Licking an apple for lunch isn't funny....because guess what? Some of us have actually done that.
And guess where that led us? Hospitals and psych wards and treatment centers....and I don't know about you, but I find absolutely NO PART of that funny.

Recovery as a disabled woman is endlessly complex. I am constantly faced with confusing and difficult decisions. The flippant way that people suggest restricting my diet in order to help my condition can be infuriating, but totally understandable.
I've friends who regularly talk about altering their diets in order to regain some sense of control over symptoms and from a really objective perspective it seems a reasonable ask.
Over the last 15 years I've had to attempt to navigate a life full of medical pressures to perfectly care for my body. I couldn't possibly explain to people how the inability to eat impacts upon someone. It's no wonder my ED was gaining momentum and any chance of striking balance in my self care simply became a seesaw.
Today, balance is something I have much greater freedom with. Freedom from my ED is huge, learning intuitive eating was paramount, educating my self was essential. I will, however, always have the challenge of a body that responds to food differently. I will always have choices to make about symptom control vs mental health. I will always be scrutinised by medical professionals about the choices I make, the food I chose & the weight I am. And that seriously fucks with the goal of equilibrium.
Recovery in its self is tiresome, recovery+ is truly exhausting & I stand with all of you who are dealing with a 'plus' in your recovery. I can't tell you how your continued support makes my 'plus' easier to live with 🌹

Left this little note for one of my best friends...it's a brief list of some of her most incredible qualities that cannot possibly be measured by a scale. This particular friend doesn't have, nor has she ever had an eating disorder, so when she looks down at a scale, her brain does not see the same thing that an ed brain does.
She doesn't let the number determine whether or not she's worthy of love, whether or not she'll splurge on a piece of fruit for dessert, whether or not she'll check to make sure her rib cage is still visible, or whether or not her shorts fit just a little bit looser. No, she is so much healthier than that.
But, according to her, she is also not served by the scale, as it too fills her with guilt rather than joy.
Even those who havent struggled with an eating disorder have almost certainly struggled with body image. They've probably, at some point, bought into the myth that thinner, fitter, smaller, lighter, less, is better.
Please let this post serve as a reminder of the audacity of that statement. Let this serve as a reminder that regardless of our media's beliefs, you can be healthy at any size. Let this be a reminder that if you have a naturally thinner frame, you can be healthy. That if you have a naturally wider frame, you can be equally as healthy.
Please, let your body settle where it wants to settle. Please, recognize that the scale cannot measure ANYTHING except your body's relationship with gravity and earth. You are so much more than a number, my friends πŸ’•

My body is so fucking awesome. Like, I can't even tell you. I didn't know when this day would come, I thought it might be years, but a gift arrived today. My period.
For me this is so significant. It cements my feet firmly in recovery and proves to my logical mind that nourishing my body is exactly what it needed. I am reassured and reinvigorated. I also have very sore tits.
I hope you'll celebrate this BLOODY wonderful moment with me, my incredible Fox Cubs 🌻

Yesterday I wrote about the fear of accessing medical care as a woman in recovery. Re-entering a world full of punishing fat phobia is daunting. Most fat women can share painfully embarrassing stories of being fat shamed despite being in perfect health. And equally, I can share many stories from my own experiences of being assumed healthy when actually dreadfully unwell. We know that health isn't something you can see by looking at a person, don't we? So why do we still live in a world where fat people are considered lazy, unhealthy, even unworthy? Is it any wonder women fear existing in a fat body?
Yesterday's post talked specifically about health, but the point was to remind you what the body positive movement is here for. It isn't for self love or body confidence, you can find those without being political. The body positive movement is here for people like me, who's bodies are considered damaged, defective or degraded. It's here for fat bodies, black bodies, trans bodies, queer bodies, bodies containing souls who FEAR existing in a world where they are judged, persecuted and marginalised.
We NEED a movement. We NEED a community of people fighting together to change a world where individuals don't understand what damage they're doing. It is IMPERATIVE that together we find a way to change such an oppressive system that's destroying the lives of so many.
When, as a community, we talk about 'thin white women', we are simply referencing people who don't NEED a movement in the way hidden bodies do. We're talking about people who have access to health care, access to education, access to sexual health, access to money .. who just have access, privilege. It isn't about denying struggles or rubbing away difficulties, simply address their ability to move beyond something that marginalised bodies can't. Without this movement, our voices are silenced & our bodies are left hopeless. Without change, we are written out of the picture. Without body positivity we remain in the shadows.
I fight for us. I fight for our future. I fight for change, for equality, for a voice & for those marginalised bodies growing up behind us.

I'm inspired by a poem by Blythe Baird to say that when you're fat and lose weight, you are a success story.
The first picture on the left is the heaviest I've ever been. The second is closest to the lightest.
But I cannot count the amount of times I was praised for my new body, nor the amount of younger girls, ones who would before pick on me, would ask for advice.
Through this there was so much pressure to be skinny. Nothing else matters. If I became fat again then I would have no friends, I would be bullied and no one would notice me.
I became warped in losing weight and could not find a way out. Why would I want to?
The the third picture is from a post on my personal account where I stated I finally felt pretty and no matter how you look like you're pretty too. This was a few months before I found bopo and I think my mood was happier because I was out of a school that made me feel like crap.
Now, (right pic) I can go to school without makeup and not worry what people will think. There is more to life than being pretty and I'm showing it.
I'm also coming up closer to the clothes size I was in the first picture. I have a certainty that this won't be a cycle, but there are other worries I have.

Due to still having body dysmorphia, I still struggle with how my body (will) looks like - especially in clothes.
I'm starting to feel more distant and alone at school and I don't know why. Maybe one reason being if my friends change or leave my history class then I'll be alone. And some of them will all grow closer in the new class and I'll be left out. Then I may end up with no friends or as someone who just sits there and is avoided. That's not who I want to be, but it's happening slowly again.
I vowed I would never become the girl in the first photo again but I already am. Here's the twist: Even if that girl is alone, sad and hates her life. She is still worthy of love. And I will love her. Her appearance is beautiful and her inside is fun and lovely. I would want to be friends with her.
So I'll love myself now. I will tell my mum and God my fears and get through this. The future is bright!

I refuse to shrink myself to a size and shape I physically harmed myself to get to. And I absolutely refuse to do it on your terms - for your entertainment or your "peace of mind". β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €
Beauty is subjective. Attractiveness and beauty are also not here for eternity. And not only is physical beauty in human beings something that lasts one lifetime, but I'm also not here to effing please you. Get off your high horse. Come out behind your social media accounts. And try to be a decent person or leave us be. If not, you'll be blocked from my page for not only being rude af, but also for disrupting the safe community I try to maintain on my page. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €
I'm not here for your entertainment or so you can disrespect my work by drawing attention to a younger, thinner body - which was that way because of an eating disorder. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €
And that brings me to my last point: I'm no longer sharing "before" or older photos of myself from when I was a smaller weight. And I've deleted the posts that I have. I love all you guys who are respectful and loving towards me. You are what makes this community such a safe and loving place. Now the fun part about this is: while it may seem unfair to me to limit what I post, I think it'll be fun! Because now I have all the reason to share photos of myself now. So bring on the rolls, the fat, the cellulite, the stretch marks, the scars, the freckles, and more importantly - my smile. β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €
Thank you to the haters who clearly have too much time on your hands to try to drag me down. From here on out, you'll be getting even more of what you hate!! 😘 #BoycottTheBefore

I used to throw the word NEVER around A LOT.

I'll never be able to accept this body.
I'll never love who I am.
I'll never be good enough.
I'll never wear clothes I love until I'm skinny.

When I found my self at the night of my eating disorder, and I'd literally lost all the weight I possibly could, I still said NEVER.

I'll never be comfortable with this loose skin.
I'll never go back to eating whatever I want.
I'll never be accepted looking like this.
I'll never have the energy to learn to walk.

And now? I will NEVER use the word never about my self again. Not ever.
From now on, rather than vowing things I won't or don't, I'm doing my best to find what I can and what I will, sometimes even what 'I just might'. And you know what? I just might be the happiest I've ever fucking been.

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