There’s an important lesson between these two photos💜
This was the final summer of battling anorexia. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I was fresh out of treatment for the 3rd time, visiting my second home in Lebanon. I remember this summer and the mental challenges it brought forth. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
How I couldn’t wear a swimsuit without wishing the day to pass. How I couldn’t eat without it costing my worth. How I couldn’t enjoy the simplicity of family without being wrapped in my own distorted thoughts and emotions.
How I was serving a sentence in my own body (ps: the charge was always inconclusive) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It was one of the first experiences I had where anorexia was a burden to all things bliss. It shed light on the impractical pursuit of trying to live, but also die, at the same time. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
That summer was when I intuitively realized I couldn’t cater to both my needs and anorexia’s. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It shed light on the detrimental needs of a full and uncompromisable recovery. One that had no room for skipping the smiles of company or warm za'atar man'ouche on the streets of Beirut. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
When I go back someday, I’ll do it right; I’ll do it for me.💜 #GrowthAndDiscovery #TransformationTuesday #FightForGrowth