9 months in and 9 months out
Long overdue post - Welcome to motherhood where your love multiplies (only) and not divides
I had to take the toughest decision of leaving my daughter to my neighbours house when my labour pain started. With quite a heavy heart, I went to the birthing centre - My mind constantly fixated on Vedika only as as it was the first time i was leaving her.
After delivering my second child (which was quite an experience in itself), I was anxiously awaiting my daughter to come see me at the birthing centre.
The moment she came,my feelings were changed and it did drastically. I was shocked with myself. I felt she was not my baby girl anymore, and her tiny hands felt so big to me. My husband mentioned it may be because I had a tiny little squish was lying next to me and the hormones in my body were attaching to the squish rather than to share a bit with Vedika (Damn the hormones). Vedika instantly started kissing her brother but i did not feel an attached to her and him.Yes, I am saying it again. I did not feel a connection with either of the kids I delivered (Double damn the hormones). Not just that day but for a few days post delivery too. I cried and cried on those days. Thinking I am the worst mom in the universe, not to connect to her kids. In desperation, I messaged my ever so knowledgable friend Dana Elwardt Hardy asking her if she knows what is happening with me. I still remember my exact message “I am not feeling connected with both my kids””what should i do”
She, being the ever so knowledgable advised me take rest as much as possible. And that it is all happening because of hormones (Triple dam these hormones - I tell you, a women’s life revolves all around them unfortunately)
Coming back home post delivery, my daughter was one of the worst hit as she went through sleep regression and literally every night she would wake up crying “momma” even though i was next to her. I knew that she was going through a phase of life but this phase affected her quite a lot. ***Rest in comment***
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