People ask me all the time: I get it you're happy now but don't you ever miss being skinny?
No, I don't miss it. My body is still here. She's got a bit more wear on her. A few more scars, a lot more lines that tell my story better than I ever could, some more bumps and bulges. And over the next 10 years she'll change again and again and tell more stories about this life I lead. She'll be smaller and larger and a little bit in between. But she'll always be mine.
Constantly struggling to stay in a thin body consumed me. I had little room for being myself because I was obsessed with what to eat, when to eat, afraid to experience things because of all the effort I would have to put in to work it all off. That is no way to live. And I've been on the opposite end of the spectrum, such a sense of rebellion from not controlling my food that I ate anything and everything just because I could not because I wanted to.
Here's what I've learned, we have two choices:
Embrace who we are in the moment and choose joy and surrender
Find discomfort in who we are in the moment and choose to DO SOMETHING to get to a place of joy and surrender
Unfortunately most of us live somewhere in the middle of those where we aren't happy, nor are we willing to do anything about it, or the things we think we want don't actually fulfill us once we have them.
Choosing joy and surrender has changed my life completely. My happiness is connected to my ability to let go and trust: myself, my circumstances, my faith.
My body may be a few sizes larger right now, but my soul has expanded to a place that has allowed me to embrace her in any form and appreciate all she has done for me and enjoy what she'll allow me to bring to life in the future.
I encourage you to stop living in the middle. Make a choice. And if you decide it's time to make a change, be certain that you evaluate the reasons behind WHY you are making that change and determine what outcome will truly help you achieve the feeling you want to accomplish.
Just do you babes!