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Quest to be @jacodbruyn day 1197
Them arm gains 😄 ironic thing is in the left pic I thought I was huge, and not I think I’m a skinny bastard 😂🤔
#armgains #bulk #bodydysmorphia

I think no matter how comfortable you are in your skin, dieting results in a degree of body dysmorphia.
I was in a good place mentally in January. The end date of my diet wasn’t too far away and I’d lost about 11kg by this stage. The whole time I was dieting I had felt good about myself and hadn’t sacrificed my life to lose weight.
But although I was happy for my diet to end soon, I still thought I had further to go. I thought I probably could have lost more weight, had I pushed on.... I had no concept of how lean I actually was 😶
It’s only now that I put these two together that I realise… wait I was shredded… how couldn’t I see that!? 😐
Because that’s what dieting does. The sick satisfaction of dieting comes from seeing the scale go down. It comes from comparing photos and watching yourself become leaner. Dieting is about being less, and no matter how much of a good place your intentions come from there are days where it still doesn’t seem enough.
So this is a note to self, as I begin dieting this time around. Dieting will fuck with your head. The best you can do is remember this, be moderate but disciplined in your approach, and set yourself an end date. Stick to that end date. You might get there and not feel like you’ve done enough but I promise you, you have.
#realtalk #dieting #dietbrain #shredded #shreddingforsummer #summershred #bodydysmorphia #edrecovery #weightloss #fatloss #stagelean #girlswithabs #bodypositivity #bodypositive #bodyconfidence #bodyconfident #beforeandafter #gainingweightiscool #lifestylechange #lifestylegains #strongwomen #empoweredwomen #leggoals #quadgoals #quadsquad #girlswholift

How much space do you take up in your relationships? When my therapist first asked me this question, I honestly didn’t know what the fuck to tell her. Taking up space is a complicated concept for me – well for all of us, I’d imagine. The pressure to minimize ourselves as women is overwhelmingly omnipresent – on a physical level, certainly, but also on an emotional one. For me, growing up in fat body (though I imagine this gets amplified 100x as we layer on additional intersections), I’ve spent the majority of my young adult life feeling like I had to compensate for my size by staying silent about any and all basic emotional asks. Instead, I served the emotional needs of others – being the confidant, the advice-giver, the outlet (read: receptacle) for external frustrations and sadness and vents. In many ways, doing this was strategic – a way for me to access value in a body deemed otherwise should go without. Attending to my own needs would mean jeopardizing feeling NEEDED – which, for a long time, was the best case scenario I thought my fat body would ever be able to hope for. The risks of being “selfish” – setting boundaries, saying no, voicing discontent, god forbid for a split second NOT being "chill” – were just too fucking high. In a fatphobic reality, having no needs at all was the best way I knew how to cope. But here’s the thing about needs guys: every single human being on this earth has them. You have needs. I have needs. WE ALL HAVE FUCKING NEEDS. And we deserve to have them – despite the myriad of ways this fucked up world will try to disempower us from making them known. A really shocking part of my recovery has been making the slow realization of how little I know about what my needs even are – 25 years of stifling them makes the thought of letting someone take care of me extremely uncomfortable. But asking this question – how much space am I taking up in my relationships? – is something I’m finding helpful. How much space do I take up in my relationship with my mom? My dad? My best friends? My ex-boyfriend? The answers are pretty revealing.

Replaced anxiety with art therapy & now have some serious #BDDrecovery back on track. Been putting it aside for too long & not about to let myself slip up with obsessions & compulsions. More mirror exercises, more exposures, and more steps towards being friends with my brain instead of enemies.
At this time last year, my BDD testing showed that its severity was a 42 out of 49, with the severe range starting at 23. I was only 7 points away from the worst quantifiable case of BDD. After the comprehensive testing, my parents were brought in & warned about the high rate of suicide not only for someone with BDD, but with an eating disorder, OCD, and depression too. It was a scary time for both me and my parents, especially after already having spent time in an inpatient psych unit for that reason earlier in the year. Don’t really know how I made it to where I am now, but I do know that it didn’t happen by neglecting to put in the work. Gettin back on track & on my way to kick BDD’s ass. 👌🏼

And when I feel fat and discouraged, I put these pants on and realize how far I’ve come

Sorry for the kinda risqué nature of the photos; I’m documenting my weight loss transformation. If you look 4 photos back to the one posted on 10/8 you can already see the difference. 😄 Wish me luck on the rest of my journey - ideally I’d love to lose another 10lbs! 🙏🏻 Once again, this is solely for ME and I certainly don’t expect or even prefer the same look on others. I’ve been skinny my entire life with the exception of this year, and have always been enamoured by the heroin chic runway look in the ‘90s.
That’s not to say I think everyone should be the same; in fact, I prefer curvier girls with huge tits & ass, lol👌🏻😂 Or guys who are slender but still toned (perfect example: @jaredleto) There’s no way but just in case... @jaredleto If for some miraculous reason you still remember me from Larry‘s party years ago, please message me!!! ❤️ #weightlossstory

Beware female spies. 🖤🌂 Went for a different look then I usually go for tonight. I've always felt very uncomfortable in pants as my legs are my least favorite part of my body. But tonight I wanted to go for a more modern look, so I said fuck it, my body is my own and I'm going to wear my damn pants. Granted, these specific ones don't fit me very well, but I still was satisfied with my look. I know how tough it can be to have body image issues and feel insecure about yourself, but never bully yourself into unhappiness. If you want to wear that crop top, do it. If you want to show off your legs, do it! ❤️💕 #dapperday #dapperlook #bodyconfidence #selfconfidence #bodyimageissues #bodydysmorphia #loveyourself #bodypositivity #vintageinspired #androgynousfashion

•Body Dysmorphia•
A condition where you obsessively worry and stress about perceived flaws in your physical appearance, often to a crippling level. It’s real and it’s dominated most of my life. In a sense it even dominated my foray into fitness, as it was an attempt to overcome it that lead to me picking up a weight for the first time. When you suffer from Body Dysmorphia you feel quite powerless, and exercising became (for me, at least) a healthy way to gain a sense of control over my body. Cut a few years in time and I am much happier with myself than I’ve ever been, but I still get knocked off course, typically when something negative happens in my life or someone treats me badly (I tend to punish myself emotionally for other people’s nastiness, and typically that punishment is about my physical appearance - I am extremely hard on myself). Last night I found myself complaining internally about my size - not clothing size or amount of body fat, no: I was complaining about the size brought on from being a curvier shape with added muscle mass. All this muscle that I’ve worked so hard to gain, and now I’m punishing myself for the effects of it. I felt too big, too bulky, too.. powerful? It’s a sure marker of mental disease when strength and power compared to others makes you feel overwhelming and like you should be.. less. Today I am back on track mentally and I’m about to go lift some heavy shit at the gym, followed by 4 eggs, bacon, and chocolate chip protein pancakes. Here’s to getting even bigger 🥂🍑


When one silly, little thing triggers a panic attack and then a night of overthinking... This isn’t something I would usually post and please don’t think it’s for attention. It’s more for myself and my recovery.
Mental health has no face, there’s no stereotypical person that struggles with it.
I can’t decide whether or not to go into detail about my story yet, so I won’t. But I will say I have body dysmorphic disorder. It took me a long time to get the help I needed because people, including doctors, did not believe me. This caused me to then struggle with anxiety, panic attacks and OCD.
Anxiety, panic attacks, triggers, OCD and a lot of other things are not a trend. So often they get thrown around social media without any meaning by people who haven’t truly experienced them. Or it’s a complete 180 and mental health is swept under the rug, not spoken about and is totally disregarded.
I find it so hard to understand how mental health still has a huge stigma attached to it. Why is it we can break a bone, we can have heart problems, asthma, diabetes, the list goes on and on, yet our mind/brain is still considered unbreakable by a lot of people? One of the most important and hardworking parts of body is not always regarded as a priority to look after.
We should all make our mental health a priority!
If anyone is struggling, feels alone, wants advice or just wants a chat, please feel free to DM me.
#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #makementalhealthapriority #beatthestigma #stopthestigma #anxiety #bodydysmorphia #bodydismorphicdisorder #anxietyattack #panicattack #ocd #bdd #bodydysmorphicdisorder #mentalhealthmatters #mentalillnessrecovery #bddrecovery #mentalhealthhelp #standtogether #yourenotalone #triggers #triggered #triggerwarning

Middle school was a very stressful time in my life. Yes, I know I was young; oh, what did I have to be stressed about? Well, dealing with major clinical depression and severe generalized anxiety in a huge public setting and barely knowing how to cope with bullying... it was horrifically stressful. 😔 The biggest thing I was bullied for was my nose. How massive it was. And the saddest thing ever was whenever I was happy, I’d either have someone in school or someone on Facebook reminding me of my abnormally large nose. I think that’s what begun my body dysmorphia, and sadly I’ve dealt with the monster in the mirror (and other cases, in my iPhone camera) since then. Now I try to remind myself that: even though I don’t look like someone who is defined as “beautiful” doesn’t create the absence of my beauty. If everyone looked the same, the world would be awfully boring! ☺️💚 Personally, I don’t find anyone ugly, or even average. I’ve always found everyone beautiful. And the more different, the more alluring they are. 😊💞 #generalizedanxietydisorder #majordepression #clinicaldepression #bodydysmorphicdisorder #bodydysmorphia #mentalhealth #mentalillness #bullying #bullyingawareness #mentalhealthawareness

I managed to make it all day without feeling guilty about my meals. I decided to let myself eat something sweet for once and I feel some guilt over it. I can really feel the weight of it in my stomach. I've been doing my best to let myself eat what I want and when I want it. I'm trying not to stay in the habit of telling myself no when it comes to food. If you want it then your body needs it. It's okay to eat bread or sweets every once in a while. I'm proud I was able to eat both little cakes from the package :)

Saturday night shameless gym selfie. I’d probably have more friends if I was at a bar instead of at the gym. #buffalo716 #🐻 #lafitness #bodydysmorphia #fitfam #gymtherapy #gaymuscle

For as long as I can remember, I've always been insecure about certain parts of my body.
I would be obsessed about my stomach fat, my non thigh-gap, my non exhisting chest.
I would do crunches every day to try to tone my stomach and leg exercises to lose thigh fat.
One day I was talking about this with my sister and I remember her saying: I wish I had your legs.
I was like: whaaat!?!?!
I seriously thought she was joking.
It wasn't until I started taking care of my body that I realised how distorted my vision was.
It's like I was seeing myself in a whole new way.
I realised how I would only, and I really mean only see my imperfections in the mirror.
I'd see my love handles.
I'd see my stomach.
I'd see my fat.
Then I'd get mad and walk away from the mirror, almost in tears.
It is a serious issue.
I do not pretend to have a miracle answer.
The best I can do is raising awareness on the subject so people can realise they are not the only ones suffering it from it.
For me, getting into weightlifting helped me to become so in phase with my body.
Talking with friends also helps getting it off your chest.
#body #bodybuilding #bodypositive #bodydysmorphia #youarenotalone #beautiful #positivevibes #positivethinking #positivequotes #positivity #knowledgeispower #motivationalquotes #mood #inspirationalquotes #sunday #sundayvibes #sunrise #positivelife

Having BDD won’t stop me from enjoying a trip to LA with my boyfriend and his family. Though it’s extremely hard for me because literally everything is fatty and overpriced but thankfully, my boyfriend’s mother goes halfsies on meals with me.
#bodydysmorphicdisorder #bodydysmorphia #selflove #recovery #bddrecovery #edrecovery

Just meal prepped like six different vegetables lol, and this is my dinner☕️

Appreciate your life.
I, like so many others, have this natural instinct to always want more, to strive to be better and do bigger things with my life. It often makes me forget the amazing things I do have in my life.
For example, my beautiful daughter and loving partner. They are so amazing and I often find myself underappreciating their love and support. I sometimes have to take a step back and remember where I would be without them as they are my entire world...
So if you're reading this I want you to:
1.Appreciate what you have been blessed with.
2.Appreciate the ones who are there for you when times get tough.
3.Appreciate the good times when they come.
4.Appreciate the strength you have gained to be here today.
5.Appreciate your mother, brother, daughter, son.
And most importantly...
6.Appreciate YOU!

When I manage to take a selfie I'm happy with I think I'm deceiving people because I don't look like that at all in real life. Also, I feel I look completely different in candid pictures. Comment below if you're struggling with this too 👇


sorry for the spam. just posting old photos of when i wasn’t a fatass so i’ll have more motivation to lose. i miss my baby abs and wearing these clothes :/

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