#bodydysmorphia

MOST RECENT

Lunch today was a pastrami and salad wrap which I’d eaten the majority of before remembering to take a picture!
When preparing my own sandwiches and wraps I really struggle with portioning my filling, and when I’m unsure of calories I tend to overestimate the amount of actually eating as a safety measure.
I want to get clear away from calories though, and while they can be helpful in recovery, for me they have started to become more of a hindrance again, and really draining me mentally.
I’m still feeling really determined after my dietician appointment yesterday, and to hear someone tell me the actual facts and risks of staying as I am is hopefully the kick up the arse I need to keep challenging myself.
As my dietician said, counting calories is a waste of time and energy!
I’d rather count memories and make them worth remembering.🌈✨💖 #anorexiarecovery#recoverywarrior#prorecovery#realrecovery#beatinganorexia#bulimiarecovery#bodydysmorphia#depression#eatingdisorderrecovery#edwarrior#believeinyourself#eatingdisorderawareness#edrecovery#recoveryisworthit#nevergiveup#mentalhealth#selfacceptance#recoveryispossible#mentallillness#edfamily#gainingweightiscool#edcommunity#recovery#edfighter#anxiety#bdd#socialanxiety#bodydysmorphicdisorder#anarecovery#bddrecovery

I used to think this was on the way to being attractive. I used to think this was still 'fat'
This isn't even at my 'thinnest'... I'd actually put on about a stone and then lost half to get to this size.
This is what I was talking about in a previous post about striving to see down ones own trousers bc your hips jut out so much.
This IS NOT ATTRACTIVE OR HEALTHY.
I hated my figure back then, no matter how thin I got.
#awareness #eatingdisorderawareness #bodydysmorphia
#ed #toothin #strongnotskinny #girlswholift #healthychoices #mistakes #onlyhuman

Don’t even know what I’m doing here, I was just trying to show off my converse as well as my outfit and failing.🤣
Therapy was good today, reminding me of how much progress I’ve made since this time last year but recognising what I still need to work on.
I find it really hard opening up to people and actually connecting with my feelings.
I’m fine talking if I’m making things light hearted or I just make a joke out of what is actually going on, when I shouldn’t have to be afraid of people seeing that other side of me.
I think that’s why I’ve been so anxious lately, because I’ve been bottling a lot up, and I won’t even allow myself to cry even when I’m alone.
If things were reversed though, I’d always want to be there for my friends and I’d be upset if I thought they were hiding their bad days from me.
So part of my homework is to actually reach out to people if I need to talk, and try and lower that barrier. It takes a lot for me to open myself up emotionally to someone though, even family.
It’s like I’ll be giving someone power over me, power that I won’t ever be able to take back, but this is bullshit and is another lie my illness tells me to keep myself isolated.
I need to challenge my rule of if I’m not my bubbly upbeat self that I have to stay away from people.
Struggling is okay, and admitting you’re struggling is okay too.
Loved ones are there to lend you strength, and to believe in you until you’re well enough to believe in yourself again.🌈✨💖 #anorexiarecovery#recoverywarrior#prorecovery#realrecovery#beatinganorexia#bulimiarecovery#bodydysmorphia#depression#eatingdisorderrecovery#edwarrior#believeinyourself#eatingdisorderawareness#edrecovery#recoveryisworthit#nevergiveup#mentalhealth#selfacceptance#recoveryispossible#mentallillness#edfamily#gainingweightiscool#edcommunity#recovery#edfighter#anxiety#bdd#socialanxiety#bodydysmorphicdisorder#anarecovery#bddrecovery

I havent been doing good..

The AMAZING @the_fitness_dietitian has a HUGE (like 230K) following that she KNOWS want to hear more about the psychology of eating, weight, and body-image – so we put our heads together recently and answered a bunch of her follower’s questions!  I loved our chats and getting to know Leanne more, and I’m sure you will too, starting with this brilliant conversation on how to start loving your body! 😀
We mention some of our favourite body-positive advocates to follow, including @bodyimagmovement @louisegreen_bigfitgirl & @chelsea_millerxoxo and you can follow the links in my bio to see the full 10 minute vid ❤️
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#eating #exercise #weight #bodyimage #psychology #dietetics #psychologist #dietitian #bodypositive #bopo #loveyourbody #dietculture #effyourbeautystandards #weightloss #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorders #anorexia #bulimia #bodydysmorphia #mia #instagram #facebook #socialmedia #eatingdisorderrecovery #honouryourcurves #bodylove #screwthescale #loveyourself #comparison

Morning lovelies,
Breakfast this morning was my usual, but talking to my dietician yesterday I was honest and said I struggle with putting enough milk on. She asked me why, and there really is no ‘why’ apart from my eating disorder tells me too.
Milk is full of calcium and having severe osteoporosis means I will benefit by having as much as I can, so this morning I poured my milk on, and even added a bit more to make sure Ana wasn’t in control.
This was harder than I thought it would be, to give up that control.
But then I reminded myself that this is me TAKING control.
As usual I’ve left my therapy homework til the last minute, and this time I mean til the last minute as I’m leaving in fifteen minutes.🙈 most of my homework was practical though so I’ll be able to talk about that.
I’m increasing more today and I’m determined not to let anything stop me.
Too long have I been stuck at this stage and I need to see my weight going up again.
There leads the only way to freedom!
Keep going, guys.🌈✨💖 #anorexiarecovery#recoverywarrior#prorecovery#realrecovery#beatinganorexia#bulimiarecovery#bodydysmorphia#depression#eatingdisorderrecovery#edwarrior#eatingdisorderawareness#edrecovery#recoveryisworthit#nevergiveup#mentalhealth#selfacceptance#recoveryispossible#mentallillness#edfamily#gainingweightiscool#edcommunity#recovery#edfighter#socialanxiety#nourishtoflourish#bodydysmorphicdisorder#anarecovery#bddrecovery#recoverywin#fuckana

Good Morning 🌤
Just a quick reminder to drink the most important fluid on this planet solely for the purpose of nourishing your body and flushing out toxins (NOT TO LOSE WEIGHT!) 🌱🌼🌸
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#disorderedeating #eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderawareness #edrecovery #edawareness #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #anxiety #foodanxiety #bodydysmorphia #bodydysmorphicdisorder #recovery

so this is my introduction for my NEW recovery account. someone reported my other one so now here’s a new and updated version of it :)
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hi! my nameis lily and i’m 13 years old. i’m canadian and struggling through anorexia nervosa. i’m going into my grade nine year and i’m a competitive dancer and singer. i’m weight restored and i am a member of @recoverybuddys ! this is a really belong post but i feel like i should post a new introduction:) kisses #anorexiarecovery #anorexianervosarecovery #anorexiasurvivor #anorexiafighter #anorexiawarrior #anawho #edrecovery #anarecovery #recovery #bodyissues #bodydysmorphia #2500calories #inpatient #anorexic #bulimianervosa #lovebody #skinny #eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisordersurvivor #eatingdisorder

bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad appointment. i gained six pounds in a month and a half and i’m 5 pounds over my goal weight. i’m not overweight, but my weight just spiralled up for some reason. i’ve been having slurpees alot lately to relieve my stress cause i’ve been very depressed lately so i think that’s why, or its water weight, or it’s my period? i don’t know! and it’s killing me. my appointment didn’t help at all and i want to call my therapist so bad to talk to her and just i need her to listen to my problems and i really need help and today i didn’t get any. i wasn’t being honest with her at all today so i need to be honest and tell her what’s up. i need to tell her i’ve been self harming and eating when stressed. i’ve never binged in my life and now i scared i’m going to become a binge eater. im so ducking scared. i’ve been eating junk food a lot this summer cause i told myself “it’s summer let loose” but i’m starting not to believe that anymore. i don’t think my weight was accurate, i don’t believe i gained that much. i’m just so fucking scared. my dietician wasn’t at the appointment today so i don’t know why i gained. i feel disgusting but i look exactly the same as i did before. i don’t know my body image is so bad. i want to restrict so bad to lose the weight i gained. i don’t know and it’s KILLING ME. okay bye. #anorexiarecovery #anorexianervosarecovery #anorexiasurvivor #anorexiafighter #anorexiawarrior #anawho #edrecovery #anarecovery #recovery #bodyissues #bodydysmorphia #2500calories #inpatient #anorexic #bulimianervosa #lovebody #skinny #eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisordersurvivor #eatingdisorder

this photo was taken in August 2017. This trip I really wanted to be special I was going to see my friend in west hawk lake and have the time of my life but everything went to shit that year because my fucking anorexia.I was depriving and restricting to myself to all the foods I loved and missed day all my family had McDonald’s and was enjoying the tasty and delicious food that I wasn’t experiencing and just sitting in the car smelling it and just wishing I could have it but I would never allow myself to have it at this point. I never wish I had an eating disorder I love my life I love my friends I love my family I’m starting to love my body and I’m starting to regain my confidence. I love that in the recovery community we always talk about what eating just what is a really like to have because I’ve noticed that some people on YouTube say fake shit about it but in the recovery community we really talk and share about what it’s really like to struggled with anorexia bulimia or binge eating disorder. I’ve met so many great friends because my eating disorder which was the upside of having an eating disorder because I made completely new different friends and it was great to have friends that understand me and that love me and care for me for who I am. But I needed to realize that I need to step out of my eating disorder mindset and step in to the life and step into the real game I still contact my friends every single day like Brianna and dawn I love them to pieces I just need to open up and regain my confidence as I had when I was 12. i love you all. kisses

my fav for afternoon tea today, raspberry and coconut yogurt 🍓🥥 i was meant to go to clinic today but it was cancelled which i’m so relieved about tbh bc i get so anxious about going lol
hope everyone is doing fantastic xx 💕

Today I awoke with a smile on my face. I didn’t feel the gloom of depression weighing over me. Summertime, summertime sadness. Wasn’t even into double digits in age before I realized something was “different”. In my thoughts I was basically defective and forever flawed. I didn’t want to exist. I wasn’t comfortable being Carmen. A few decades later, here I am alive, thankful that I failed every attempt ; Something I really want to press is that mental illnesses are not defects in character. No one would wake up one day and say man I wish I had bipolar disorder... I wish I had anxiety attacks... I wish for a lifelong relationship with suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, and depression. No one would wish such things. Ever. Living with invisible diseases takes strength. To fight battles others will never see or even understand. Whether it be ocd, ptsd, adhd, multiple personality disorder, to schizophrenia, or any mental battle in between, I send peace and love to every warrior. We will never know how strong we are, until being strong is the only choice. That’s all, goodnight. // #rant #mentalhealth #health #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealthmatters #mentalillness #mentaldisorder #blackandwhite #bipolar #anxiety #eatingdisorder #bulimia #anorexia #bodydysmorphia #depression #ocd #ptsd #ahdh #mpd #semicolon #semicolonproject #strength #summertimesadness #healthiswealth #wellness #mentalwellness #recovery #warrior #strength

This is what people think is a progress pic but with all that fat you cant see shit hehehekdosidisjdjisj Theres a small muscle lump on my right arm but thats it;;;; I’ve tried to make before pics for before and after pics but since it’s been impossible for me to be consistent I’ve given up on that sooo sorry...god I was so confident in my masculine before and now it’s just slipping every time I know someone is on T and how ive stopped giving a fuck about my voice when I should...and the bigger the weight the larger the chest...god I want that confidence back...like back when I still had a ponytail and my friend was jealous of me being passing even then and like..remember every single fucking moment people thought I was a dude i miss that sm;;;;;;; god another big ass reason to the lifelong dream of being thin and muscular and have my fuckin ass gone as much as possible...god I dont want to need T but if thats what it takes to make my dream role dreams come true I’ll absolutely do it
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God i wish fandoms bullshit that youre not even a part of is so fucking toxic it ruins your whole day like wow why do i even care about this..bc its unavoidable social media wise jeiwidiwjej..and why cant i ever accept things as what they are and move on i just...im uncontrollable this is too much but...the good moments are what makes it worth it..why am i like this...dont lose hope for anything i guess...no matter how long you wait and fight and suffer...some things are just safer on and off and I need to accept that and stop the urge to fight somehow
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.sorryforlongassvent
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#vent#progress#depression#bodydysmorphia#genderdysphoria#executivedysfunction#mentalillness#mentalhealth#thicc#bodypositivity #bodynegativity#chub#resist#transmasculine#nonbinary#wewillresist#tmi#fatpositive#trans#butch#passing#masculine

Body dysmorphia.
Anyone who says life is a bitch hasn't met her.
She's a bully. The worst kind.
The kind that makes you question not only your outward appearance but your worth, mentality and sanity.
She sits, lurking, waiting for your guard to drop.
She is a silent killer. A stealthy villain. "You could be better."
"You haven't changed at all."
"You'll never be good enough."
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I am good enough. I have changed completely. I will never give up or give into her, for she is nothing but a bully wanting to bring me down. I love where I'm at and where I am going. She may take over some days, but I will win. I will NOT go back to who I was. ❤ .
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#bodydysmorphia #weightlossjourney #fitnessjourney #selflove #inspiration #girlswholift #femalefitness #fitness #fitlife #weightlifting #weightloss #transformation #losingweight #gymmotivation #gymlife #gym #mentalhealth #nevergiveup #mentalillness

There are some days..... not many, mind you... in fact, they are few and very far between... I am going to bed, take off my makeup (eyebrows don't count; those bitches stay on).... I look at myself and think, "Hey, I am not bad for a 30-something mom of 3." Kinda feeling what resembles near confidence. Goodnight, all. #Midnight #ifeelpretty #bodydysmorphia #tryingtofeelgood #confidence #aunaturale #natural #thirties #gettingold #montana #todaywasagoodday #goodnight

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Throwback to a time when ice cream definitely wasn’t on the menu on Sundays....
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... I’m really enjoying having ice cream on Sundays 🍦😇
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#pureelite #pureelitepro #pureelitecomp #teamtomford #tomfordfitness #bodybuilding #london #throwback #tb #tbt

I'm so tired and because I let others put me right back into the past and there's nothing I can do to change it and I only can just keep going and be a better person and treat others well. I hope they can get passed that resentment cause I drank, used drugs and did it because the resentment and anger I had in my young life, so I know how hard it is to let go of the hurt that was caused.

#mentalhealth #adhd #sober #aa #selflove #anxiety #bpd #borderline #recovery #domesticviolence #selfcare #selfharm #depression #fibromyalgia #austisim #bodydysmorphia #pride #lgbt #nativepride #firstnations #beaded #pansexual #sober

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