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#bodydysmorphia

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In February, a month before I became vegan, I weighed over 320 pounds. People don’t believe me because I am really good at hiding it. I know all the camera tricks and clothing items to make me look smaller than I am. That’s why I was so convinced that I would never be able to wear these running clothes again. Last year around this time, I was doing about three yoga sessions a day. I injured my wrist and after I got back from traveling the world, I exploded in body fat. When I taught my yoga teacher training final, I was so miserable. Eating my feelings and smoking lots of pot. Then I met @frankidoll. She found me and helped me get clean and sober on July 5th. @daviddane and @chelseaarmstrongyoga helped me take back my health by teaching me how to be vegan. Today I stand before you in my college jogging shorts weighing in at 219 pounds. It’s been a battle full of tears and injuries. The question now is this: will I keep the weight off or will I fall again? .
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@nike @nikesportswear @nikerunning @chelseaarmstrongyoga @jay_olinger @daviddane @veggiegrill @cafegratitude @rayogastudios @yogaworks @lululemon @lululemonmen @newportbeach @visitnewportbeach @dreikionfire @jadealectra @mandukayoga @huggermuggeryoga @vacancy_coffee .
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#weight #weightlossjourney #weightloss #weightlosstransformation #bodybuilding #cardio #vegan #veganism #onedayatatime #bodydysmorphia #fitness #fitnessmotivation #yoga #yogateacher #nike #lululemon #inspiration #dontgiveup

Remember that my beautiful people ! You can fake everything with picture, lighting, angles, ... Not to mention people using photoshop! I've wanted to put this picture because yesterday I've seen a YouTube video of a girl saying "how I edit my Instagram picture", it interested me so I click on it... And girl... It's is not what I would called "editing" but more "Photoshopping" 😂 Apparently it's a commun app use by many many "insta famous" (reducing the waist, more booty, soften skin, longer hair, ... It is not just modify the background and the lighting as I expected 😂) I don't judge people doing it through ! Everybody do their own business ! (Although I don't understand the point of doing that cause ... What about if you see a followers in real life ? 😅😂) Just be aware and don't be fooled by this and trying to reach a certain physic which isn't real ! 😉💞
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Instagram focus nowadays seems to be on body acceptance. Although I'm completely agree with that, don't forget that we are soul with body not body with soul ! ☺️ A beautiful body doesn't define who you are ! But a beautiful soul do ! (What is a beautiful body through ...)
So don't be too focus on your appearance, just do your own thing and try to be the best version of yourself in every aspect of your life 🌸✨ I love you my peeps 💞







NOT ME #fitnessgirl#fitspo#fitgirl#beforeafter#keepitreal#veganlifestyle#getlean#fitnessmotivation#transformation#transformationtuesday#bodypositive#gymgirl#bodygoals#eatclean#eatcleantrainmean#fitbae#fitnessmodel#fitfrenchies#musculation#realtalk#selflove#bodydysmorphia#dreambody#squat#fitnessjourney#bootybuilding

3 months post partum and it has been an emotional rollercoaster! Body dysmorphia took over the best of me, almost to the point where it started to conflict with nursing, because I was trying to lose weight too quickly. I have so much more respect for other mothers and anyone else who is struggling with their own body image. It takes a lot to stop comparing yourself to everyone on social media and accept your own body and find love for yourself. 🔶
Finally found some balance, acceptance and love for my body, thanks to @thefitjosh always supporting me ❤️ 🔸

#postpartumbody #postpartumfitness #postpartum #fitness #fitnessmotivation #bodydysmorphia #fitpregnancy #fitmom #momlife #fitspo #transformation #postpartumdepression #majormuscle #majormuscleapparel

In a rush to get to work, still at home and need to open in 10 minutes 🙄 swear I'm too laid back 😂 food comes first though😎 Quickly whipped together a BLT toasted egg sandwich, Syn free if you remove the bacon fat 😂❤️❤️ Alwayw got to have a nice breakfast after weigh in 😌-
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#slimmingworld #swmafia #swfamily #transformation #beforeandafter #motivation #fitness #fitfam #igfitness #workout #gym #bodydysmorphia #mentalhealth #beauty #swfamily #swfriends #swrecipes #fakeaway #synfree #syns #cwp #weightwatchers #quotes #lifestyle #blogger #foodie #foodblogger

Earlier I posted this message with two side by side photos of myself with words, but i took it down. For someone randomly scrolling through, I realized my message could have been taken the wrong way. Thus, I am reposting my message to show it does not matter what size you are. Whether you are skinnier or curvier, body dysmorphia can occur. Body dysmorphia, just like anything else, is not defined by a specific 'number' or 'body type'. Below is my original message. 💜
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I want to tell you to look in the mirror and truly see yourself.
I want to tell you to go into dressing rooms and see yourself with confidence.
But I also know that is easier said then done.
BODY DYSMORPHIA is a real life phenomenon. I know first hand what it is like to look in the mirror and think I see 'something else.' I have struggled with bad body image nearly my entire life. Even at my thinnest, I still looked in the mirror and saw myself as 'bigger.' I thought that is how others viewed me as well.
After being teased for my weight in high school and struggling to see my self worth, body dysmorphia became a true struggle for me. Any negative feeling would make the mirror distort my perception of myself.
When I truly began focusing on loving my body, I forced myself to look in the mirror. I forced myself to compliment my body and truly see m y s e l f.
When you look in the mirror, you have to look at all of you. When you're feeling bad about your body, you have to remind yourself it is still YOU. The real, raw, beautiful you.
The mirror does not define you. The way you view your body does not define you. You define YOU.
Remember that if you choose to see yourself as beautiful, then you will carry on your life as if you are a 'beautiful person.'

MHE is an orphan disease and gets absolutely zero funding from the government for research. Research is imperative when you have a rare disease as it could not only improve the quality of life for those suffering but potentially prevent the suffering of those who will be born with MHE in the future. Recently it was announced that clinical trials will begin for a drug that could prevent or slow the growth of tumors for children who are affected with the mutation. Although I am too old to be helped by this drug, this is a medical breakthrough that will change the lives of everyone affected as a possible treatment can open the door to possibilities we once thought were never going to happen. I myself, and I know I am not alone in this sentiment, have always settled on never having biological kids as I never wanted to pass this on in the family, but a possible treatment could lead to a possible cure, and that can only be made possible by continuing to research this disease. I am truly touched by the outpouring of support you all have shown throughout the week, and I am so honored that strangers have donated towards the MHE Research Foundation through my posts; by supporting my posts and story, you are helping us find a treatment and cure; and for that, I know I speak on behalf of the entire MHE community when I say we are eternally grateful for.

‘BUT IF SHE TRAINS AND EATS LIKE SHE DOES ON HER INSTAGRAM HOW IS SHE THAT SIZE?’
- Overheard in the changing room referencing me.
Its ok, I’m not offended, I know and I AGREE. 😕
Do I want to be the size I am? No, I want to be a lot leaner.
Am I happy this size? No, I’ve never been this uncomfortable in my own skin.
‘Then get leaner’... I’M TRYING. 😩
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But my seriously unbalanced HORMONES and having PCOS is really FUCKING ME UP!!
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For those of you that know me or have been to my classes you may have thought the above but also know how confident I am as a personality / as a trainer shouting at you / how I have in depth knowledge of how to train and eat accordingly / and how I have helped so many of my clients change their bodies massively 🔥👌🏼
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Which is why I’ve never really spoken about this... It shows my vulnerable side. My biggest insecurity. My daily battle of living in a calorie deficit and NEVER losing body fat 😡
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This might not make scientific sense to many of you but anyone suffering from a severe HORMONE IMBALANCE will be living this same struggle as it stresses your body out constantly
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But let’s be honest you may look at my feed and think ‘oh fuck off’. But we all KNOW instagram, and the photos we post are chosen, the phrase 'camera angle is everything' has never rung more true. I can't embrace my current size because the self love has gone and has been replaced with self loathe.
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Sure I have a good level of fitness and strength. And, it’s not all about looks but I’m gonna say it ... for everything I do and how well I eat I think I DESERVE to see the aesthetic results too. I want to be the size that makes ME feel comfortable and this is not it.
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Right now, everything I do and everything I try (different training, diff macros, training less, not tracking, juicing, eating more, different pills, supplements, the list goes on) doesn’t help.
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I mean, I’m totally aware there are worse things but not feeling comfortable in your skin can be detrimental in many ways and I think it’s important to vocalise that 😕
I’ll be sharing more about what I learn about PCOS and hormone imbalance and I hope I can help anyone else living with it💕

#flashbackfriday Steady finding a balance and recovering from body dysmorphia. This has taken me a long time, but I feel great and balanced at this moment. I’ll start interpreting cheats here and there, but for now... consistency is the key!

#fbf #fitness #bodybuilding #competitionrecovery #ayearofbulking #bodydysmorphia #unrealisticexpectations

Your knuckles bleed red, your lips are blue. ⠀
You have to stop, before this kills you. ⠀

I can’t just stop, ⠀
for if I do,⠀
They’ll stop telling me: “there’s nothing left of you.” ⠀

Your biggest clothes are now size 2. ⠀
That can’t be right, ⠀
just look at you. ⠀
What you see, it isn’t true ⠀

Oh yes it is, get a clue. ⠀
As my mind shrank, my body grew⠀
Into someone I would ⠀
deeply misconstrue. ⠀

MOST RECENT

Lifting at less-than-half my normal weights is a bigger exercise for my mind than anything else. Mehhhh. I suck at feeling weak when I know I'm stronger than this crap. Come on brainnnnn. Stop this shit. ✋ ✌🏼 .
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#happyhealthyandthick #thickchick #curvyfit #fattofit #obesetobeast #thickthighs #plussize #plussizemodel #bodypositive #effyourbeautystandards #effyourbodystandards #prettyhealthyandthick #fitfam #girlswholift #fitspo #fitnessjourney #fitnessgoals #gains #shredded #traindirty #whitegirls #thickwhitegirl #bbw #selfimage #eatingdisorders #bodydysmorphia #skinremovalsurgery

I struggle whenever I hear of someone dying by suicide. It always reminds me that it could have been me, and I worry that it could be me one day. Linkin Park's lead singer, Chester Bennington's suicide especially hurt. Linkin Park's songs have helped me through so many rough times with my anxiety and depression, and I feel a great loss losing Chester. I've thought about Chester a lot lately, and my heart breaks for what he must have been feeling. But I know my story is not over yet. There have been so many great people who have died by suicide lately, and I want to live on for them and carry out their work that they were so passionate about. Chester wasn't afraid to talk about his struggles he faced. It's still difficult, at times, for me to talk about my depression, but I want to share my story so other people will know they are not alone. I also want to remind everyone that we fight together. A loss like this shakes the community, but YOU are not alone!! We are ALL fighting together and are here to support each other. #depression #depressed #suicide #suicidal #selfharm #anxiety #anxietydisorder #panicattack #ocd #ptsd #substanceusedisorder #addiction #anorexia #bulimia #bingeeating #eatingdisorder #bodydysmorphia #schizophrenia #personalitydisorder #chesterbennington #linkinpark #recovery #fighter #strength #mentalhealth #mentalillness #inspiration #inspirational

SWIPE👉🏻👉🏻👉🏻Dessert was a Greggs Bat Biscuit, 297cals from the mother yesterday. TW: tbh I could of easily of gone to bed without this as I’m way too tired. I was contemplating skipping it but y’all know I’m in two minds a lot and know deep down that wouldn’t be a good idea as the less I eat the more harder it is for me to start eating again when my appetite is already non existent often. I did enjoy this though. My mum gets me this every year and I absolutely love the powerful gingerbread taste which chocolate combo. I couldn’t pass this up as it’s only once a year and it was my last chance since they’ll stop in a weeks time. Anyway, goodnight guys. I’m truly done in after these past few days. #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #mentalillness #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #bodydysmorphia #bodydysmorphicdisorder #edrecovery #greggs #greggsthebakers #greggsbalancedchoice #greggsbatbiscuit #batbiscuit #batcookie #halloweencookie #halloweenbiscuits #chocolategingerbread #chocolatebiscuit #chocolatecookie

So I know I try to stay positive as much as I can but sometimes I struggle with a negative mind especially something called BDD, people think this is always associated with an eating disorder. But I’ve struggled with when you look at your self in the mirror you see a distorted vision, similar to a monster, your flaws become exaggerated. I’ve always had this from such a young age, where it effects my life so much, socially and even with my potential for future careers. It makes you doubt yourself, oh I can’t ever be successful because my face isn’t perfect. I know it sounds silly but to someone with BDD it seems very real and it stops you from achieving your dreams. The past events I’ve had has triggered it off recently with the break up and it’s so frustrating. I’m at vegfest right now and it’s the last day tomorrow. I’ve wanted to talk to so many people but I keep thinking that people are judging me. That’s what also comes with BDD, social anxiety is when even the person your talking to makes a tiny negative expression you think they hate you immediately. I had to share this with you guys because it’s hard being around over 6000 vegans today. Im honest with everyone and tell you everything because that’s the type of person I am! I can’t keep hiding the fact I’m not struggling right now, it’s an on going battle and I’m not going to let it stop me!!! 😔🌱❤️

SWIPE👉🏻👉🏻👉🏻Tea was a Greggs “Chicken” Sandwich as stated on the pack. I thought it was tikka but I’m not so sure as it’s not on their site. Looks like the Mexican Chicken Oval bite but that has mayo on it apparantley and this didn’t so idk what it is or the calories. I ate this so early (for me) which is scary as sandwiches don’t fill you for long so I worry about binging and having to go bed earlier to avoid that happening. I was hungry though, and I didn’t even go to the gym today as by the time I had finished doing other stuff in the flat it was 6.30pm and I was tired. Luckily I can hardly keep my eyes open and it’s only 10pm which is early for me so I’m off to bed shortly. All these late night from my mind being busy is killing me off. #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #mentalillness #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #bodydysmorphia #bodydysmorphicdisorder #edrecovery #greggs #greggsthebakers #greggsbalancedchoice #greggsandwich #chickensandwich #chargrilledchicken

3 months post partum and it has been an emotional rollercoaster! Body dysmorphia took over the best of me, almost to the point where it started to conflict with nursing, because I was trying to lose weight too quickly. I have so much more respect for other mothers and anyone else who is struggling with their own body image. It takes a lot to stop comparing yourself to everyone on social media and accept your own body and find love for yourself. 🔶
Finally found some balance, acceptance and love for my body, thanks to @thefitjosh always supporting me ❤️ 🔸

#postpartumbody #postpartumfitness #postpartum #fitness #fitnessmotivation #bodydysmorphia #fitpregnancy #fitmom #momlife #fitspo #transformation #postpartumdepression #majormuscle #majormuscleapparel

MHE is an orphan disease and gets absolutely zero funding from the government for research. Research is imperative when you have a rare disease as it could not only improve the quality of life for those suffering but potentially prevent the suffering of those who will be born with MHE in the future. Recently it was announced that clinical trials will begin for a drug that could prevent or slow the growth of tumors for children who are affected with the mutation. Although I am too old to be helped by this drug, this is a medical breakthrough that will change the lives of everyone affected as a possible treatment can open the door to possibilities we once thought were never going to happen. I myself, and I know I am not alone in this sentiment, have always settled on never having biological kids as I never wanted to pass this on in the family, but a possible treatment could lead to a possible cure, and that can only be made possible by continuing to research this disease. I am truly touched by the outpouring of support you all have shown throughout the week, and I am so honored that strangers have donated towards the MHE Research Foundation through my posts; by supporting my posts and story, you are helping us find a treatment and cure; and for that, I know I speak on behalf of the entire MHE community when I say we are eternally grateful for.

Because I was being a sad girl, deleted all my selfies from the last three months and now I regret it 🤷🏽‍♀️ #bodydysmorphia #genderdysphoria

This is important and it’s not easy to talk about or to admit.
I have struggled with my weight my entire life. Unfortunately, this has resulted in extreme difficulty with my accepting my body image.
The picture on the left is from 2015 - a time in my life where I was still down about 30lbs from my heaviest but maintaining a weight that wasn’t good for me.
The picture on the right is from July 2017 right before my competition.
The picture in the center is from last night.
I cannot describe the way I feel when I look in the mirror or at pictures of myself. I am struggling. With body image, body confidence.
I find myself feeling guilty for indulging, sometimes over-indulging. Then spending hours exercising a day to try to make up for it.
I’m searching for balance. For self-love. I will find it but I know it is not in any of these three photos.

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