how was your day?🥀
losing you hurts and i’m not going to pretend it doesn’t. losing you feels like losing a limb. losing you feels like choosing drowning over a life raft because i know eventually, i have to learn how to swim. losing you feels like watching all five fingers grow numb instead of wearing a coat. i could choose you. i could come running back into your arms and you would hug me back, but you can’t make this better.
you want to be friends. i want to, too. but being friends with you comes with too much pain. too many i love yous i have to swallow. too many memories that keep resurfacing and resurfacing and resurfacing. too many thoughts of god, you like me, but not enough to want me. too many feelings of never being good enough. all i ever wanted was to be good enough, but not for just anyone. for you. your approval meant everything to me.
god, you were all sunshine and then you were rain. you were a thunderstorm heart and hurricane lungs, but to say i loved every second of it wouldn’t even come close to admitting how much i loved it. the chaos. the i love you so badly my heart is bleeding out of my chest. the i will wait up all night just for you to tell me how beautiful i am. the i will wait up all night just for you to tell me i’m gonna be okay when i’m feeling so low, i cannot breathe. the staying up until 4 a.m. missing your skin. crying because you’re not with me. crying because my chest feels empty without you. (imagine how i feel now.) continued in comments 👇👇the poems. the poems. the poems. the way being with you felt like poetry. raw sex, raw feelings, raw bruised and bloody lips stained red. vulnerability.
to be wanted by you was amazing, even through the pain. i became addicted to it because it made the good days that much better. your lips on my neck. your hands on my heart. your voice. laughing. talking. telling me you love me. over and over again until i believed it. telling me about our stone house and our three kids and how you were trying your hardest to better your future, all for me. your cheekbones smother my thoughts. the way you’d drive your friends around for free. the way you’d stay up all night. (continued in comments