***A story ***
"I used to think people after drinking becomes monsters. I've seen one in my life, in my home, everyday, for the past 18 years. I've seen how he turned into something so cruel, something who couldn't have mercy on anyone. How he acted like we didn't matter, because his hand never shaked before hitting us, hard, when he was drunk but in the morning he used to be so much bearable, so much loving, so much caring.
I used to think alcohol make people ruthless, merciless, unloving. Drunkards aren't people, they are crazy beasts who only long to harm someone, who suddenly become sadists. And I am anything but fearless in front of them.
You know that's just another reason why I chose you. It was not that I didn't love you, I did, with all my heart, with all my soul, but honestly I'd have allowed my heart to bury all such feelings deep inside if you were a drunkard, but thank god you weren't. Because I've always had this fear from drunkards. I never told this to my mom, or my friends, or my dad, that I was scared of him, scared of his night camouflage. It wasn't some normal fear or some common phobia. I used to get nightmares, I used to wake up at late night keeping a hand over my mouth, muffling my own screams. I know how many pillows I've soaked in the fear of imagining what would happen if he comes. I know how many prayers I sent up in the heaven, wishing atleast one to get heeded. I just cannot put into words or even try to voice out my fear or my thoughts regarding drunkards.
You know yesterday, when you came inside drunk, I was shocked, I was numb, but most importantly I was horrified. Those memories were coming back to me, those old healed scars started to pain again, those haunted scenes were playing right in front of my eyes. I was terrified thinking today after all those years, the same horror, terror, helplessness would be relived. The thing that I witnessed happening with my mom, with me ample number of times would be witnessed again in the home I thought was the safest for me, ironically, I heard parental home is the safest for child back then too. (Continued in comment)