@bleggett07 prob gon wanna kill me but here's a #throwbackthursday #tbt from 2009.
These 2 in the photo could possibly win a "most damaged people in the US" award. This is actually the ONLY picture we have together from that time. We had been exclusively not calling ourselves exclusive for 6 months. On that "my fb still say single" tip. We call this time in our relationship "before love" (before the big break up of 2009 and reconstruction of 2010). We were a hot mess. No one thought we would last. Ask around.
I didn't tell anyone he was anything more than a friend. I had just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship. He had a past of one of the darkest most abusive relationships I've ever seen a man endure. Like, straight sociopathic stuff.
So we hurt each other. Because hurt people hurt people. We broke up and got back together. Often. (So much so that one time when I broke up with him and he said "no - we aren't breaking up. I'll talk to you tomorrow" and hung up on me.) We lied to each other. And honestly - I doubt anyone that knew us back then expected us to last. If they even knew we were a thing.
I wanted to leave you back then, bae. Being in a relationship is hard. It's messy. It required me being honest about things I didn't want to be honest about.
So you left me - and I didn't stop you. I didn't answer my phone. I let us go because love sounds good but it also sounds messy. It sounds painful. It sounds like too much. It sounds like something for two undamaged people who's hearts fit together like a smooth puzzle piece instead of for two damaged people with hearts left with jagged edges from the parts others ripped away and ran off with yelling "na na na boo boo". But somehow, our jacked up hearts fit together. They fit so perfectly even we couldn't pull them apart. So you chased me down. And I told you things about me I hadn't even admitted to myself. And you told me it was ok. I was ok. We were ok. I saw your soul and it was beautiful. It IS beautiful. I wanted to hold on to every second we had together. I still do. I graduated with a BS in chemistry a semester early because.... (cont. in comments)