"I always thought of myself as someone who loved to party. The thing is, my definition of "partying" was way beyond whatever "normal" drinking is. The years went by and I crossed some sort of invisible line where the choice to slow down or stop drinking was removed. I couldn't stop.
I kept getting in to trouble - drinking daily and absolutely hating myself, feeling more and more shame as time went by. The consequences of my drinking kept getting more problematic, and I'd swear every day that I would stop, until about 5pm, when I would inevitably start drinking for the night. I worked so hard to hide my addiction from people. It was exhausting.
One morning four years ago, I woke up covered in bruises. I had fallen down the stairs, drunk. This wasn't even the worst drinking-related thing that happened to me, but I felt so much shame - I thought I would die from it. I could not imagine continuing to live with that much shame. I hated myself.
I haven't had a drink since that day. I had been using alcohol to cover over my feelings of deep depression and anxiety. It was a rocky journey in the first year of sobriety, because I had begin to face the roots of my addiction. I did a lot of deep inner investigation and healing. I used to think it was impossible to go for a single day without drinking. I thought I'd be miserable. Instead, I am the happiest I have ever been. I can't imagine going back to a life of lying, shame, blackouts, disasters. 🙌
I will keep working for this recovery, because it has allowed me to be awake in the world, to help other people, and to feel happier than I ever knew was possible for me. #iloveyoukeepgoing" ✨🙏 #SoberShowcase