I’ve been back and forth about whether or not to share this. I have so much respect for people who lead with great vulnerability and courage on social media as they unpack painful parts of their journey, but I suppose I always feel like I’m not allowed to go there. Why ? Perhaps it’s self-preservation. (Read:fear) Or the fact that I tend to be a more private person. I don’t know.
But screw it.
I wrote a blog post about it this past week. Without disclosing much, the feedback I got in the form of texts and emails was simply incredible. You put skin around human kindness in my time of need.
It reminded me that the struggles of our stories bring us together more than the successes. I want to be more transparent about those struggles. So I thought I’d take the first terrifying step today.
Last Tuesday, I had an ultrasound and was told that I had an abnormally developing pregnancy and it would result in miscarriage. I had just found out I was about seven weeks pregnant, and this was a welcomed surprise, as I was expecting to need to undergo fertility treatment. Needless to say, this was a huge blow. At 39, the idea of pregnancy for the first time is daunting at best.
Between then and now, I’ve been amazed by the incredible women I’ve encountered with similar stories and so much insight. The common thread in each story is this: it’s so heartbreaking and you’ve just got to let yourself be in it. The mess, the anger, the sadness.
I don’t pretend to have any new or inspired wisdom for you who may be going through a similar thing. Hell, I’d love to hear yours! But what I do have is this:
Our brokenness gives way to more: more connection, more presence, and more compassion. As the late great Leonard Cohen says, “there’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” This life, you, me, all of it-it’s so fragile. We must Hold it with care and great attention. Thank you so much for holding me.