So, answering the question on my FB profile photo.....
Being honest, I've been living a huge chunk of my life in fear..... All kinds of it, unfounded, primal, realistic, etc......
Fear has influenced many of my acts and decisions in life. It has added pressure and stress to my thinking, my every day interactions and my physical body.
Fear has had its positive sides too, as of keeping me aware of my lifestyle choices. As of helping me observe its effects on me and the world, ways to cope with it.... and choices available to embrace it.....
Fear has been my at times silent, at times noisy companion..... It's imprinted somewhere in my subtle body.... My awareness, free will and love are my allies here.
Fighting it is not an option... just as fighting anything.... Fear has been my tireless teacher of acceptance and forgiveness.... It is not a "monster under my bed" anymore. It's a "family member".
I've talked to suicidal people, who, as you might know, disguise themselves quite well in the crowd. And I learned something important from them:
"The thought about 'leaving' has always been on the back of my mind. I know it's there, it doesn't bug me anymore. I got used to it. 'Taking my life' in order to stop it has been a possibility for me for permanent relief. But then, oddly enough, Life distracts me from that thinking and I realize, gosh, I have so much to do! To busy to suicide today."
Acceptance of what is, in order to have a better quality of life. This is the lesson.
Like my friend Nina once said: "You know, there are people who live with diabetes, others who live with the hip replacement, etc.. And you live with the fear/anxiety. Accept it and be grateful for it. This is YOUR life. Just live it."