When someone tells u that u need an attitude adjustment.
I don’t think my parents understand how much the things the say to me and the way they treat me affect me. In a split second I can go from almost happy to suicidal.Suddenly nothing else matters except their dissaproval of me. Its hard to be working so hard on building yourself up, facing the odds and striving to be the best version of yourself and be met with such criticism alog the way. Its like running a marthon without the encouraging cheer from the crowd just booing and people running along side you telling you how much of a loser you are.
Today I resolved to get myself sober, organise to catch up with old friends, eat healthier, quit smoking and even go to the gym! I had done all of those things and was feeling pretty proud and motivated. My self confidence was on the incline and I felt a sigh of relief. I gave myself a metaphorical pat on the back.wht did I think this sense of accomplishment would last? I had just begun feeling good about myself again and they just tore down my self worth all over again like opening up an old infected wound. Just when I think its beginning to heal they stab me where it hurts. i get it I'm a piece of shit. A huge disappointment and a burden on you for knowing I exist. I know its true, u have been telling me this my entire life. I heard it so much as a child it plays in my mind and is the soundtrack to my life. I have given up hope that you will ever see my worth but it still hurts when you make me feel like its true. I am sorry I am not what you wanted but that isn’t going to change who I am. I’ve accepted you for all your short comings I just want you to do the same. But you think people are good or bad like a fine cut line black and white. I might be grey but you see me as black. You always have and I've spent a lifetime trying to change your mind. But it feels like I've done the exact opposite.
On the outside I act all tough and make out like none of this effects me. But deep down inside I crumble. The weight of their judgment and disappointment supphocates me.