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On Contemporary Art, Part II: "Artsplaining"
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Contemporary art requires paragraphs, many paragraphs of explanation. As a general rule, the greater the number of paragraphs, the more significant the art. This is, in fact, the most reliable way to judge the merit of a piece: the word count of its explanation.
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Paragraphs are to be written by curators and art historians; they and they alone can decipher and parse the work and present it to the public.
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Paragraphs should, as a rule, employ a serious, sans-serif typeface in a small font size.
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Paragraphs may be affixed to or printed on a wall, or set down on paper, to be carried about the exhibit by the visitor.
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Paragraphs must make use of post-modern terminology and turn high-brow, yet vague-to-meaningless phrases such as "the materiality of bricks", "the contemporary condition", or "our bodily and mental composition".
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Paragraphs function not, of course, to construct the con that is much conceptual art and serve the "contemporary art complex" (artists, galleries, critics, public funding), but rather to ensure that the viewer "gets it".
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The fact that many do not, despite these paragraphs, only proves the virtue of the Art, and the genius of the Artist.
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(A visit to a contemporary art museum, always a welcome mind-fuck, inspired this and several other posts.)
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On Contemporary Art, Part I: How to Visit a Contemporary Art Museum
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1. Wear on your person only or mostly black. Obviously.
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2. Wear on your face an expression that blends seriousness, inquisition, smug comprehension, and possible constipation.
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3. Stroll slowly up to the pear composed of red bricks, say, or the three hanging strings of LED lights (untitled, of course), or the wooden box covered in broken glass; stop, linger—not too long—and nod profoundly. Move on.
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4. Go alone. If you come with others, spread out. Communicate only by means of glances, tilts of the head.
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5. Do not smile, smirk, grin or laugh. This is serious art—sorry, I mean Art.
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6. Don't let on that you didn't "get it"—this, you see, is the point: There are those who do and those who do not "get" conceptual art. You do not want to be in the latter, among the ignorant, the common, the philistine.
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7. Go home, grateful, cultured a better person.
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#sarcasm #art #artist #artwork #painting #artistsoninstagram #contemporaryart #artgram #artnerd #drawing #artsy #artists #illustration #arttherapy #instaart #artgallery #artoftheday #photography #artislife #sketch #fineart #montreal #mtl #mtlmoments #mtlblog #montrealcity #berlin #berlinart #berlinlife #berlincity

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