Every night when I check on the girls (countless times), it's abit like the calm after the storm.
I look at them lay there sleeping and I wonder how I ended up with 2 such amazing, beautiful children. How I could ever feel cross with their precious faces and I feel very grateful for having them in my life.
They were the making of me and with every step of our journey they teach me things about myself and about life that I never knew I needed to know.
They make me feel a love that I never knew I needed to feel- like when Bunny runs up and wraps her arms around my neck, where I can feel her little hands grabbing tight and she snuggles her head into me. When she shouts Mama.
When the Wildcat runs into me and wraps her arms around my waist as tight as she can. When she insists of giving me the biggest kisses and when she constantly tells me she loves me more than anyone.
I think about why I lost my shit, probably countless times that day and how it really mattered at the time but now that matterness seeps away. I realise it didn't really matter.
But I also realise that it's a build up of stuff. A build up of little things that push me to my limits, and then I lose my shit.
At the time it seems impossible to grab that time to take a step back- children don't let you have even a moment.
Love is abit like that too. A build up of lots of little things showing that I love them and how much I care about them.
So even on the days that I feel like I've been a crap Mam, when I look closely, there's still this build up of love. Every single day.
Even when there's some shouting, there's lots of cuddles and kisses.
Even when there's tears and feet stomping, there's lots of smiles and laughter.
There's ALWAYS a kiss and an I Love you at a goodbye and there's ALWAYS a hug and a smile at a hello.
This weekend, I'm going to focus on the build up of love rather than the build up of stuff and the guilt that accompanies it.
I'm going to remind myself that there is ALWAYS love and it is LOVE that Conquers ALL 💕
#parenting #parentingwins #parentingfails #parentingguilt #beingmama #journeyofaparent #emotionsofaparent #tryingyourbest #mamaguilt #loveconquersall