#becinhiding

MOST RECENT

#FridayIntroductions current situation:
- These are my kids. I like them. 🤗 They’re pretty spectacular little people.
- I often don’t sleep much. Hence the timing of this post.
- I’m a planner. Usually by the beginning of the calendar year I have my kids’ homeschool resources planned for the following school year. We basically just finished our last full week of school (with some stray work left), and I’m completely questioning everything I thought I had decided for the upcoming year. 🤦🏻‍♀️😇😬 Usually by now I not only have it purchased, but I also have the whole year planned on a spreadsheet.
-I actually don’t miss the little years like everyone says you will. 😱 Maybe that will change one day, but right now I’m all over here praising Jesus that my kids are more grown and independent. 🙌🏻
- A few months ago I started a podcast called Word Quota, “where I talk honestly about life in my words and speak life through the Word”... using my indwelled all-the-words-ness. The link is in my profile & some content is pinned in my highlights.
- despite the appearance that my all-the-words-ness may give, in reality I’m an introvert. This social media screen is a safety shield, much like my hiding hat. Yesterday I took the initiative to talk to a woman who evidently shares my grocery store routine, seeing as we’re at the same place at the same time every week. I don’t know what came over me. Then I remember that it has been a year and a half since the store opened and the routine began, so I probably shouldn’t be too impressed with my momentary extroversion. It only took me 19 months. 🤷🏻‍♀️
-I’m cold natured. It’s a rule that I bring long sleeves with me everywhere, even in the summer. Alas this did not protect me from the Arctic blast from the freezer section that enveloped me whilst reaching for my kids’ French toast sticks, and an involuntary coping dance was forced from my bones in public.
-I can’t dance.
- I’ve got some feisty little health issues that won’t leave me alone. I keep telling them I’m not lonely, but they insist on giving me company.
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#becinhiding #jklaragirl #cmanmcdan #wordquota #autoimmune #neuroprobs #homeschoollife #foodintolerance

For the first time in I don’t know how long- possibly years- I woke up and I wasn’t dizzy or nauseous. I wasn’t lethargic or weak. I wasn’t ticking or hurting or exhausted before I even thought about batting an eyelash. I actually felt rested. I got out of bed and I didn’t stumble, opening the curtains before anyone else was awake. I don’t often see the flowers out my window in the morning. Sometimes they stay closed all day.
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Usually if I feel even somewhat better than usual, it doesn’t last beyond a couple of hours. So I try to cram in as much as I possibly can before the crash. I had the kitchen thoroughly washed and the laundry started all before breakfast; The patio cleaned (first of the season so it was a significant job), floors swept and washed, school questions answered and meals planned before lunch. To my surprise, my body was still working. I spent some time in the sun that I’m allergic to with minimal reaction. And miraculously, the energy lasted for more of the day than it didn’t.
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I’ve been in the throes of barely getting by physically for a good long stretch now. Today was a good day and I want to share that. Because more often than not, I’m sharing the struggle. There’s no formula for why today was a good one, and it may be that by tomorrow my body yells at me for using it today. But the next time I have a solidly good day, I don’t want to say “I can’t even remember when.” I want to be able to remember that it was May, there were purple irises in full bloom outside my window, and that my eyes weren’t offended by the light that allowed me to see them.
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#wordquotawednesday #autoimmune #neuroprobs #becinhiding #shesstillthere #motherhoodrising #uctd #tnstateflower

It’s been a minute since I’ve done a #fridayintroductions , so I thought I’d throw one out there for the new folks:
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-Sometimes I make decisions based purely on what is the most amusing over what is best, like, for example, using this old pic where it looks like someone outside the frame could be punching me in the head.
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- We presently homeschool. I’ve just finished prepping all the work through the end of the year, which should be mid-May. There are few things that make me feel more accomplished than throwing out the covers of completely used up workbooks.
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- I have various and sundry food reactivities (and other autoimmune/ neurological issues). If you want to know some food options that don’t contain some derivative of corn, too bad! Corn poison is in everything! Just kidding (sort of), there are a few things like @free2bfoods sun cups and @canyonglutenfree breads that are totally delicious, corn-free, and lots of other stuff I can’t have free. (But seriously, corn is everywhere. It’s probably hiding in your closet waiting to pop out at you in the middle of the night.)
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- It’s encouraging to me to encourage the encouragers. I also enjoy alliteration. I’m not so keen on redundancy, yet, there it is.
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- I’ve been married to my studly bearded preacher man for 15 years. You’ve probably seen him. Or at least you think you’ve seen him. Because he has one of those faces where strangers come up to him thinking he’s their friend or some guy they met on the airplane or saw on tv reffing an NFL game. 🧔🏻 .
- I just started a podcast called Word Quota and I’m beyond grateful for the stories that have come in about how it has touched hearts. Also self-promotion is possibly the most loathsome, awkward thing in the world, but I’m trying to be diligent about it anyway. I have to remind myself that I’m not promoting myself, but that I believe that God has something valuable to share via #wordquotawithbec #worquotawednesday
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- I appear to be extroverted on social media. I’m not. My words can be, but I’m not (she says from beneath the cocoon of sheets in her bedroom). #becinhiding .
- Thanks for stopping by! 👋🏻

Yesterday was pi day (3.14). I made myself a Bec-safe lemon meringue pie... which is really just the meringue flavored with lemon essential oils.
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I find it interesting that it seems as though my body was aware of my reactivities long before I was, and that it tried to tell my brain. Pie crusts were just “in the way” of the pie and I rarely ate them anyway, and the pie itself was merely a vehicle by which to receive the meringue. (I don’t want to give the impression that this is actually healthy... there’s plenty of sugar.)
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I highly anticipate strong feelings from those of you who love crusts, hate meringue, and side-eye hippie oils. 😂
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#piday #doterra #foodreactivity #neuroprobs #autoimmune #cornfree #dairyfree #glutenfree #vanillafree #lotsofotherstufffree #becinhiding

“Women are image bearers.
Women are coheirs with Christ. Women are valued, worthy, powerful and needed. There is a reason the enemy has feared women and has poured his hatred into our very existence. Let him be afraid then!
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...By the power of God we will choose to rise up and be women of God bringing his kingdom in unyielding and merciful strength.” -Stasi Eldredge, Embracing God’s Dream of You.
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📸 @xyganthaphor
#internationalwomensday #becinhiding #autoimmune #neuroprobs #jklaragirl #raisingarrows #motherhoodrising

J and I were on a date at the local coffee shop playing a rousing game of chess (and by rousing I mean I totally forgot that the point is to capture the king not the queen. We’re pros, y’all). I couldn’t help overhearing the conversation a few tables a way... a conversation sprinkled with words like gluten-free & almond milk and nut bags and guar gum. Things food-reactive people know. As we were leaving I offered my can’t-eat-all-the-things solidarity and I saw someone else who had pages of test results she was sorting through in front of her. It’s funny how common struggle automatically makes you feel connected to a stranger if only for a moment. Sometimes knowing you’re not alone is the most important thing you need to know. #solidarity #foodreactivity #autoimmune #cornfree #dairyfree #glutenfree #lotsofotherstufffree #becinhiding

This was the pile of stuff that didn’t have a place in my rearranged space. I thought I’d leave it for awhile in case the kids wanted to lounge around on it, but it quickly became my prayer palette. Me and God, we do business here. I roll out of my bed and onto my knees.
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I’ve never been much of a prayer- kneeler, and I’m a firm believer in the anytime, anywhere, anything continual prayer-breaths. Believe me, I utilize them like the very air I, well, breathe. But for the time being there’s something powerful happening inside of me in presenting this purposeful posture.
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There’s this one thing that resides here. Though I pray about all-the-things, there is a specific tangible item that rests atop my quilted altar and has for weeks- a beyond my logic, outside of my control, God-sized thing that holds my affections. And so I daily bow low and offer it up high, release my impossibilities to His abilities and say, “It’s Yours. Show me how.” .
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That stuff that doesn’t seem to have a place in your space: discern it. It may need to be cleared out. Or it may be an invitation for you to let God grow the space inside to hold immeasurably more.
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#evidenceOfAble #mystoryindecor #vintafarmbohclectidustrial #thrifty #shesstillthere #warroom #vintage #heirloom #becinhiding

Happy pre-Valentine’s breakfast to myself! Y’all know it has been WORK over the past year+ since discovering my food reactivities. This is one of my favorite breakfasts. So far, @canyonglutenfree bread is the ONLY store-bought bread I have not reacted to, even though some other brands’ labels *look* Bec safe. I have to drive over an hour to get my beloved bread #smalltownprobs , but I’m grateful for it all the same! It happens to be the best tasting of what I’ve tried, too.
Paired with @applegate chicken & sage sausage, raspberries, & maple syrup, I really do love you today, breakfast. I’m learning to not hate food again.
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Even though my options are WAY limited, it is so worth it. I have had several conversations in just the last week alone that even though my health is still not “normal,” my every day average is leaps and bounds better than it used to be, now that I’m not poisoning myself so consistently. (PS- a big fat THANK YOU for not having corn derivatives or chia in your bread! Cuz otherwise I couldn’t have it!) #lovebreadagain
#cornfree #dairyfree #glutenfree #vanillafree #chiafree #lotsofotherstufffree #autoimmune #becinhiding #neuroprobs #uctd #evidenceofable

“If the voice you are listening to is not coming from the throne of grace, dethrone it.” -Elise Hurd @littlelunchmaker via @momstrugglingwell .
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Clamoring voices vie for our attention incessantly- demanding shouts, sly whispers, desperate cries and cunning melodies. Some reflect our greatest desires, still others our deepest fears. If we aren’t careful about which tune we mimic with our hums and harmonies, what we receive may not reflect where we really stand or who we truly are- operating our beliefs out of the distorted substance of delusion.
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But don’t back away from all sights and sounds for fear of the ill-willed influence. Braving deep spaces and sacred places, look to the light: the one that’s tied fast to the plumb line of truth, not a shadow cast by turning. Enter in. See. Listen. Embrace the voice appointed by the throne of grace that resonates the cavity of your chest and the marrow of your bones.
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You’re not thoroughly you apart from the Voice within you.
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Hold tight first to the relationship of the Word himself, & then to those life-givers and truth-speakers that reflect and reveal his masterpiece.
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“Therefore, let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” -Hebrews 4:16

#evidenceofable #becinhiding #speaklife #masterpiece #throneofgrace #shesstillthere #speaktruth
Photo location- @happyholderhome

“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Psalm 141:3 NIV . “Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.” Exodus 4:12 ESV
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Scripture that I need to keep close together.
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It’s bitter cold out there.
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#evidenceofAble #strugglewellwednesday #itssimplytuesday #becinhiding

Inadequacy has a way of stealing what’s valuable, making us forget that we ever owned what was lost.
So strange how heavy the weight of nothing is- lies of worthlessness, incapability, abandonment... pressing hard upon our chests, exhausting every effort- lifting occasionally just long enough to catch a breath, hurting all the harder when the weight drops back down.
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The irony is, the crash needs to happen. It’s the unfathomable crushing that breaks so deep to expose the marrow of our bones— that tells the truth of what we’re really made of— of Christ in me. Truth of our substance laid bare, it exposes the weakness of the lies that once held the weight of the nothing together. The force that breaks us ultimately shatters the fable fabric of the oppressor. Broken for the suffocation to fall away, broken for us to breathe again. The most threatening blow now compels weak hearts to the awareness of His strength and beat boldly: the soul of ourselves realized, in tact and healing stronger than before the necessary hurt was endured. The making is in the breaking.
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So here’s to what broke us, activating our true substance through pain, throwing off the weight that once crushed us, now crumbled into pieces by its own aggression. .
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Welcome 2018. We are ABLE. .
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Word of the year: ABLE
Verse of the year: Exodus 4:12
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I’d love to hear your themes for the year.💗
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Reading suggestions for your new year to remind you that because He’s able, you are: She’s Still There @chrystalhurst , Never Unfriended @lisajobaker , Put Your Warrior Boots On @lisawhittle , Audacious @bethmoorelpm .
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Podcasts: @momstrugglingwell , @godcenteredmom , @truthstable , The Happy Hour with @jamieivey ,@journeywomenpodcast , The Next Right Thing @emilypfreeman , @upsidedownpodcast .
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#evidenceofABLE
#wordoftheyear #verseoftheyear #becinhiding #shesstillthere #neverunfriended #vintafarmbohclectidustrial #vintage #thrifty #decoratingonabudget #apartmenttherapy #usewhatyouhave #honestmotherhood #motherhoodrising #mystoryindecor #goodwill #repurpose #estatesalefinds #yardsalefinds #strugglewellwednesday

It’s ok to stand out. Perhaps you weren’t meant to match the world around you. .
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This is no resignation of worth, nor an admonition to care less in a prideful swell of self-protection. On the contrary, care. Spend a little time where you might not fit comfortably. Let it refine your rough edges without resenting it.
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Be near awhile.
Be you, without making them try to be you, too.
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Delight in individual eccentricities. Different forms. Equally valuable.
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We may not all fit comfortably tucked in beside each other, but we work together. What enriching beauty and joy we’re robbed of by limiting ourselves solely to our like-minded basket-cases.
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#inspir18 #vintafarmbohclectidustrial #becinhiding #mystoryindecor #basketcase #shesstillthere #decoratingonabudget #thrifty #vintage #usewhatyouhave #honestmotherhood #motherhoodrising #raisingarrows

Aw ginger-snap.
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My container-loving heart really appreciates how nicely these cookies fit in the cylindrical container. ✨
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Recipe via @againstallgrain . Subbed double agave for vanilla. #cornfree #glutenfree #dairyfree #vanillafree #lotsofotherstufffree #foodrreactivity #automimmune #neuroprobs #uctd #mystoryindecor #becinhiding #iheartcontainers #vintafarmbohclectidustrial #mypracticaldecor

It’s the vintage Christmas carol cover that stirs my mind to wondering. Not to questioning, but to awe. Amidst my grandfather’s stack of hand-written memory verses, old Bible commentaries, Les Miserables, & a fretless hymn book so worn its pages fall out like leaves in autumn, this illustration of family and friends gathered round the piano in their best dress, singing songs together— I am strangely awakened to their delight. That was their “for fun.” Perhaps for musical super-talents, this is still a part of your reality. But for the most part, laypersons don’t gather round pianos anymore for the pure joy of melding song and togetherness. .
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For a moment I mourn the loss of my own ability to fully participate— for my jaw injury’s forced abandonment of my voice, for the isolation that food reactivities bring when feasts of togetherness are together but separate— a small iota of experience that the marginalized, underprivileged, and injured who have and still wonder if their strain for belonging will ever be realized into a simple, effortless joy.
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It seems so long ago and yet not really long ago at all, and it’s hard to wrap my mind around how things might change in the next few generations. I long for that simplicity and nearness of relationship. Ordinary delight. The pleasure of together where just being fits. I’m so grateful for a God who sacrificed his divinity for humanity so that we all have the opportunity for that place of true being and belonging this Christmas.
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And can I get a hallelujah for no more corsets? Cuz gathering with friends in athleisure is definitely more simplistic and joyful. .
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#mystoryindecor #cottonstemheartschristmasred #vintafarmbohclectidustrial #decoratingonabudget #shesstillthere #vintage #usewhatyouhave #foodreactivity #autoimmune #neuroprobs #uctd #becinhiding

Friday introductions, Christmas card edition! (Okay, so this isn’t the actual card, but it’s ON the card, so it’s almost the same thing 😉. Merry Christmas to you).
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1. Usually, it appears as though I’m on top of things, as most of our cards get sent out at the first of the month.
2. It is clear to a few that I’m NOT entirely on top of things, as inevitably a few cards don’t straggle out until just before Christmas... and sometimes after. 🙈
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3. The holidays make me realize how much of a homebody I’m becoming. I used to crave the busy. Now my body just can’t take it. I’m pretty sure it’s part autoimmune, part just “getting old,” and partly that the sanctification of my priorities and desires have changed significantly over the years.
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4. I print addresses on envelopes. The thought of hand-writing overwhelms me with stress.
5. Yet one of my favorite cards to receive each year is from @tdltucker and it’s as much about appreciating the gorgeous handwriting on the envelope as it is about what’s on the inside.
6. I’m very fluid with the concept of “traditions” because I never want traditions to become joy-sucking obligations. One tradition we have is reading Unwrapping the Greatest Gift by @annvoskamp for advent. This year we haven’t really stuck with the hanging the coordinating ornaments part. And that’s cool. The reading is wonder enough. (It’s so good). The kids are going to decorate Happy Birthday Jesus cakes this year, but we may not do that every year. I’m MOST excited about a big annual commitment that doesn’t exist this year, allowing our little family Christmas and resting in Jesus himself to be a priority rather than an afterthought to all the doing. 🙌🏻 It’s refreshing.
7. My @xyganthaphor took this pic of us while we were visiting them in Virginia. We miss them so much it aches, and it’s such a blessing to have the gift of friends to ache for. 💗💗💗 (And those you can boss and say, “Hey, I still don’t have a Christmas card picture. Take some of us please. K thanks 😇).
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What about you? Do you enjoy giving/ getting cards? What traditions or non-traditions have been your favorite?.
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#fridayintroductions #christmascards #tradition #becinhiding

Corn free, dairy free, gluten free, vanilla free & delicious! Bec safe Christmas cookies for the win! 🙌🏻 I’m a year into the whole knowledge of can’t-eat-all-the-things, and I still don’t like to cook any more than I did before. 😒 But I do like to eat.😊 So out of necessity I’ve become better at knowing how to adapt things. 👩🏻‍🍳@myletteredfaith posted a Christmas cookie recipe a bit ago, and I used that as my base ingredients from which to sub Bec-safe things. And it actually worked! 😱 And there was much rejoicing. #autoimmune #neuroprobs #foodintollerance #cornfree #dairyfree #glutenfree #vanillafree #lotsofotherstufffree #becinhiding #kidsinthekitchen #nationalcookieday

Thanksgiving prep! I am determined to be able to eat more this year. Last year I learned about my food reactivities just before Thanksgiving, and it was definitely a challenge. Honestly eating with people is still hard, but I am much better equipped a year in (even if i will still stare longingly at the buttery mashed potatoes, anything with cheese, and most of the desserts. 🎻 Pitty party over. 😜) .
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The kids made @raddishkids Cranberry chocolate crumb bars. We modified the recipe to make it Bec-safe (corn, gluten, dairy and vanilla free). Here is what we switched out:
- rice and tapioca flour blend
- corn free baking powder - palm shortening (for butter)
- Westsoy milk - agave, doubled (for vanilla)
- arrowroot starch (for corn starch)
- Baker’s brand GERMAN chocolate, chopped (for white choc... it’s made from soy not dairy and no vanilla 🙌🏻. But just the German variety.) #autoimmune #foodintolerance #becinhiding #cornfree #dairyfree #glutenfree #vanillafree #lotsofotherstufffree #raddishkids #homeschoollife #honestmotherhood #homeschoolhappened #raisingarrows #kidsinthekitchen

Seasons of ease
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Seasons of darkness
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Scars held deep inside, life goes on around it
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Heartwood developed off center in response to difficult external circumstances .
Strength unseen from the outside laid vulnerably bare, exposing weakness stuck so closely together .
Separated they would not be so beautiful. They would not stand. It’s the steadfast mingling of frailty and fortitude that forge the lovely and worthwhile thing.
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How telling would it be, a cross section of me?
One thing I know: I continue to grow.
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#greatisthyfaithfulness #mystoryindecor #shesstillthere #becinhiding #honestmotherhood #motherhoodrising

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