Self care essentials - what are yours? . @janeparenting2 and I have both talked about self care in the last couple of episodes of our podcast. Despite how often it ends up at the bottom of the to-do list it actually needs to be at the top. . The first Yes is a Yes to you. When you take care of your own needs then you are topped up with the resources you need to take care of your children. . I don’t run far and I don’t run fast! I run with my dog and either a friend or my Darling. . One thing I ask my closest friends to remind me of; is that I always feel better after a run. And the times I least want to run are when I need it most. . How can you build some movement into your day as an act of self care? It could be putting your favourite music on and dancing round the kitchen. Or it might be swimming early in the morning or going to a dance class in the evening. . Whatever it is, make time for it! . . . . .
Praise at your peril! . We have no doubt that somewhere along the way you have heard that it is important to praise your children. Like us you may have been, or still are, a very good praiser! . Praising seems to make sense until you look a bit deeper. . Join us for an exploration of the ins and outs of praise and why you may want to rethink your approach. . As always, find our podcast in the normal places or go to our website (link in bio) to listen and subscribe. . We would love to hear your feedback, questions and suggestions - this is your podcast as much as it is ours! . . .
Episode 7 - Praise at your peril! . So many parents and other adults working in supportive ways to raise children are often hugely resistant to the idea that praising children is far from recommended. . In this episode, @janeparenting2 and I look at the intricacies of Praise and why we believe it’s actually working against you and your child. . We are here to support you to have extraordinary relationships with your children and that might mean we don’t always say what you want to hear. But what we say is backed up by so much evidence and we are proud to speak boldly about it. . Follow @thejaneandbeashow to get to know us, find out when we are recording and when a new episode goes live. . Subscribe and listen on our website (link in my profile) or wherever you listen to your podcasts. . And please let us know what you think! . . . . . .
Posse alum Janel Pineda has won the prestigious @MarshallScholar award for graduate study in the United Kingdom. "It’s a dream come true," she says.
A native of Los Angeles and @DickinsonCollege grad, Janel will pursue two master’s degrees over two years: creative writing and education at @GoldsmithsUoL, and global migrations and social justice at @UofGlasgow. Read more on possefoundation.org.
Earlier today we were honored to host Mary Denyer and Diane Flynn of the Marshall Aid Commemoration Commission for a special presentation for #Marist students. They gave advice on the application, interview, and selection processes for the Marshall Scholarship. #BeAMarshall
Sometimes a simple yet profound thought drops into me when I’m not actually thinking about anything in particular. . This evening I was doing the washing up and, boom! In pops this thought with additional layers about power and fear and control. . So many parents think that to have authority you need to be authoritarian. The truth is that authority does not come from having power over someone. It comes from understanding your power in relation to someone else and standing in it with integrity. . Being a parent is an inherently powerful position. Your children are utterly dependent on you for many years. It’s easy to slip into authoritarian ways when our sense of power is at risk. . I know this because I have walked this path many times. . As we feel our influence slipping we look for the route that will put us back in a place of power. And most of the time this leads us down the authoritarian path of exerting our power over our child. . True authority walks alongside our child having power with them. . True authority is able to listen and explore and not feel threatened. . True authority is able to trust the process of childhood even when it is laden with apparent mistakes and poor choices. . Authority is rooted deeply within us. When we forget that truth we look for the external representation of authority and we find authoritarian words and actions that uproot us and leave us floundering. . There’s no shame in this. It is an out working if unresolved trauma. Our children continue to offer us an invitation to heal over and over again. . . . .
Episode 6 goes live on Friday! . Have you subscribed to our podcast yet? If not, head to wherever you access your podcasts and click on the Subscribe button. Alternatively you can subscribe via our website (link in bio). . Episode 6 is all about sleep. We talk about the importance of sleep, what happens when we don’t get the right type of sleep, how to support a healthy relationship with sleep and we answer a question from a single Mum about managing bedtimes in her home. . One thing I love about this episode is that @janeparenting2 and I had very different personal responses to the same situation during our own times as single parents. Listen to us share them so you can find the right way for you too! . Bea x . PS. Subscribe so you never miss an episode! . . . . . .
“No matter how you see yourself, all of creation benefits from your existence” - @mattkahn1 . So mind blowing. How does that feel for you, to sit with the idea that all of creation benefits from your existence? . It reminds me of the idea that I am not a drop in the ocean but the ocean in a drop. . It leads me into a profound space of acceptance - a divine and perfect energy has woven me into the web of global consciousness and I exist for the benefit of all. . As a parent I can look upon my children, at times so frustrating yet glorious in their fierce insistence to be unique beings outside of my control, and know that all of creation benefits from their existence. Just as they are. Just as I am. Perfectly imperfect. . Who might you be with the belief that all of creation benefits from your existence? . . . . .
It’s very easy to hide behind a smile! . Hide the mess, hide the chaos, hide the inner funk and lethargy. Hide the complete break down in self care practices that would really help but can, quite frankly, f**k off! . We all do it - smile as a tool to hide what lies beneath the surface or behind the carefully crafted front. . All of this is part of the rich tapestry of being human and being present with our humanity. . I love and accept myself exactly as I am - and when I notice self-judgment I celebrate how good I am at it! I have an incredible talent for self judgment! . Ultimately all is well and everything is unfolding perfectly. . Follow me @beathetree to find out more about what has been going on behind my smile this week! . . . . .
What a week I am having! . My energy, my internal world and my external world have all been in a funk - heavy, clogged, sluggish, lethargic, intense, chaotic, cramped, and anything else that gives the experience of wading through treacle with lead boots on. . And you know what? I am softening into all of it. . Mercury is in retrograde and the full moon is amplifying and shining its light on all of these internal experiences. And, as @peacewithpda so beautifully reminded me, my external reality is a reflection of my internal reality. . And so many typos this week! . One thing has been very clear to me - when I’ve most needed all my self care practices is when I’ve resisted and rejected them and this includes asking for help. . So today I went out into the countryside for a fresh, cold and autumnal walk. I went where there was flowing water and ancient trees. A heron put on the most glorious display for me by taking off out of the water and flying from branch to branch and slowly launching itself higher and higher. . All of this is part of the rich tapestry of being human and being present with my humanity. . Ultimately all is well and everything is unfolding perfectly. . . . . .
Today @janeparenting2 and I (@beathetree) are recording Episode 7 of The Jane and Bea Show. . Who knows what it will be about - we are going with the flow! Want to throw out a guess as to where our intuition will lead us? . . . .
I am on the final stretch of my journey home from Los Angeles. I’ve been travelling for almost 24 hours so forgive me for not writing more to expand on this post. . We all have unresolved trauma. Our kids come to help us heal so that we might raise them with even less trauma. Each generation has the capacity to bring humanity closer to alignment, wholeness and connection. . . . . .
Letting go of control is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my journey to Yes Parenting. . Raising a human is an epic role and carries significant responsibility. It’s understandable we want to do everything in our power to get it right. . But when we control our children then we are no longer responding to them with understanding, compassion and kindness. We hurt our relationship with them and that hurts us too. . I still seek to control others when I feel out of control in an area of my own life. The difference, now, is that I am aware of it. I can usually catch the behaviour before I act on it. . When I notice after I’ve acted on it, I am better equipped to say “I’m sorry. I’m being controlling. It’s because I feel worried/helpless/powerless in [fill in the blank].” . This has been me this week as I prepare to fly to Los Angeles for work. There is so much outside of my control that I have noticed this desire to control others rise up in me. . And I have loved myself anyway. Just as I am. . . . . .
Ever been told you do deserve or you don’t deserve something based on your behaviour? . It’s such a crappy feeling isn’t it? . The idea that children’s behaviour is directly proportional to how enjoyable we make their lives is ludicrous. It defines a cruel approach to raising children that is rooted in punishment and rewards. . Punishment and rewards are rooted in fear and control. . The next time you notice yourself thinking “my child doesn’t deserve to go to the park” or “my child did so well at school at today, they deserve a treat” notice what you’re actual doing is putting conditions on their happiness, joy, peace and connection. . As many of us were raised with this sort of language it can be hard to step out of it. First we step out of speaking the words. Eventually we notice we no longer think that way. . Until one day we notice a thought like this pop up. The best thing to do? Celebrate it and express gratitude! You’ve just had a powerful invitation to go deeper with your healing and experience even more joy, peace and connection with your child - YES! . There are some things that children do deserve but they’re not related to behaviour. They are related to their humanity: . • Respect • Understanding • To be heard • Unconditional love • Kindness • Forgiveness • Connection . Focus on those things and the rest will fall into place. . . . .
Be the change you want to see in your children. . This is a foundational principle of Yes Parenting. Inspired by the famous Mahatma Gandhi quote (which apparently isn’t what he actually said anyway!) I found it so much more powerful to make connections between myself and my children rather than me and the world. . There were patterns in the ways I got (and still do sometimes) irritated or cross. I saw that the things that bothered me most with my kids were actually things that bothered me with myself. . Let me give you an example. . I used to feel so frustrated by the amount of mess my kids made and their inability to clear it up. I began to see that it bothered me because I am naturally someone who creates a lot of mess while also not being very good at tidying it up. And yet I long to live in a tidy and ordered home. . As I noticed these patterns I shifted my focus from my boys and put that energy into myself first. . What would happen if I first took care of my own mess and began to learn how to keep my own areas and belongings tidy? . Lots of things started to happen and the most important is that it led to more joy, peace and connection with my children. . As I dealt with my own mess their mess bothered me less. . I realised that, even as an adult, I find tidying a challenge and making mess easy. Why should I have higher expectations of my kids than I do of myself? . I slowly began to learn how to tidy a little bit better but I realised that I actually need help with this area of my life. If I need help then clearly my kids do too. . The separateness I created by focusing on everything that was wrong with their mess and inability to tidy gradually became connection as I became more understanding, supportive and kind. . All this happened because I chose to be the change I wanted to see in my children. . . . . #gentleparenting#attachmentparenting#peacefulparenting#familyliving#bringingbackthevillage#uniteinmotherhood#motherhoodthroughinstagram#motherhoodunplugged#motherhoodrising#dailyparenting#parenting#intentionalparenting#yesparenting#discoveringyes#raisingboys#raisinggirls#normalizegentleparenting#feralfamilies#beamarshall#yesmamas
Episode 4 is out tomorrow (Friday 19th Oct). . We talk Consent and explore at what age do we need to start thinking about it when we’re raising children. . This is Part 1 of two parts we’ve dedicated to the topic of consent. The second part will be out in two weeks’ time. . Find our podcast in your podcast app or follow the link in our profile. When you SUBSCRIBE you’ll always have the latest episode delivered straight to your phone or tablet. . . . . .
If you don’t take care of your own needs you will very quickly run out of resources to meet the needs of your children. . Prioritise nourishing food, plenty of water, movement (ideally outside), rest and connection. . There will be times when we run on empty in order to find a Yes to our children. If you intentionally meet your own needs every day then you become adept at learning how to ebb and flow in the ever-changing world of raising children. . Finding a Yes to your own needs can also be understood as prioritising self care. Aside from your own needs, a really important reason to do this is to model it to your children. . Many of us push ourselves to the bottom of the pile because no one has ever modelled self care to us and we’re still waiting for permission. . It’s an amazing gift to give to your children, to show them the importance of self care. And as you raise them this way you empower them to be able to prioritise their own self care. . When we don’t meet our needs it will show up in our behaviour and our emotions. Just like it does for our kids. . . . . .
Today @janeparenting2 and I are recording Episode 5 of our podcast. We’re going to continue looking at the topic of consent. . Find our podcast in your usual podcast place or click the link in our profile. . . . . .