I’ve been at the doctors today.. And my doctor is worried about me because I don’t really sleep and look like a walking zombie.. So now my doctor is giving me sleeping pills.. I fucking hate taking pills.. But I’m also losing my mind over all the sleepless nights..
– Ashley Makenzie, overthinking. . . so i got a bad grade on something i worked very hard for, and the suicidal thoughts won't stop coming.. I've never been a nerd just hard-working and i know this is dumb but really wanna kms right now 🌜💔
So I know I said I'd try to post it later in the day but I ended up just kind of trapping myself in my mind for a few days. So, the biggest reason I was gone for so long is because my power ended up getting shut off for around a month. During that time I had minimal contact with people and my phone ended up breaking because I could only charge it in the car. Right now I'm using my phone that I had back in Junior year of high school and it's slow as hell and a pain to use. Anyway, while my power was out I realized a lot of things including the people who actually care about me from all the people I know in real life. I also ended up isolating myself from most other people because of the realization that I only really matter to a handful of people. To those people I can't express how grateful I am to have you in my life and hopefully you all know who you are. Also to everyone here who sticks with me through everything I can't thank any of you enough either. I'm trying not to have anymore long absences with no excuses and I'll do my best to keep to that. Anyway, another thing that happened while I was gone was that I broke down and self harmed again and my mom noticed my cuts and said if I ever end up self harming again she's going to send me away to a mental hospital. The sad thing is, sometimes I consider breaking again just so I can go and maybe get help even though I know that it's probably not the best option. Each day I don't self harm my urges get worse and I have to try my best to ignore them. Life just isn't the best nowadays and most of the time I feel numb and empty with small lapses of happiness and joy in-between. I just want things to get better or end at this point and I don't really care which comes first. -N . . . . . . . . . . #depressed#depression#depressedquotes#imsad#relapse#suicidal#suicide#selfharm#imhere#relapse#anxietyquotes#anxious#anxiety#fear#scared#dead#stress#sadness#support#badthoughts#panicattacks#antideppresants#crying#tumblr#aesthetic#sadnessquotes#sadness#lonely#loner #alone#selfhate#itllbeokay