Nothing is ever going to be the way it should be again. Arthur should be sitting up and smiling and trying to roll over but instead we have his ashes in our bedroom and chickens in our backyard. We are going to spend the rest of our lives thinking, "Arthur should be here." We're lucky to have the support of a few people who suffered the loss of a child 20+ years ago and the common thing they say is that they still think about their child every day. Every single day, forever. -
Last week, this thought knocked me on my butt and was accompanied by a lot of other very sad thoughts about the future. This week, or at least today, I'm feeling more optimistic. Even though this isn't the way our lives should be, there may still be some joy ahead. Again with the chickens, but they shouldn't be here. We would not have gotten chickens if we brought home a healthy baby. They are here and they bring us joy, so that's something.
I don't expect the optimism to last very long at this point, but I'll try and notice the flashes of it as it comes and hope that it becomes more frequent with time.
#infantloss #childloss #griefsabitch #lifeafterloss #bereavedparents #bereavedmother #backyardchickens #urbanchickens