It's been a few rollercoaster days. As much as I try to stay on top of things there are those rare moments where irrationality takes over. My self awareness is still there observing from the sideline, like a calm collected researcher who seem to know that this game needs to be played out. It also knows the match will end, the seasons will come and go. Zooming out it will observe you spending far more time off the playing field than on. We all have moments of weakness and most of us have the ability to recompose ourselves in a timely manner. We see a greater picture and strive towards a better tomorrow. For me it's no different. The only thing I regret is how I can tear down people in that process. I have no problem with self sacrifice though, in fact I often find it to be perfectly ok. I think myself strong enough to handle everything life will hammer me with and if I can take the hit for others too then it will all be worth it. I echo my mantra "I have been through worse than this, I have faced both my own death and the death of those closest to me. This...this is nothing." And although that might alleviate some temporary agony, I think it has been driving me to take on far greater tasks than I can handle. It's a rope pulling match between intellectual stubbornness and the need to throw in the towel. (I apologize for the astonishingly persistent sport analogies). Some words of encouragement at the end: rest assured...I'm constantly fighting and it makes me exhausted, but I take comfort in the fact that that's my will to live.