Caitlin, 27, Derbyshire “If you can’t imagine what it feels like to live with depression, this is how i describe it; You are walking along a path, all around you are the people and things you love, ahead of you are all of your hopes and dreams, things you are working towards and looking forward to. But a thick fog descends over you and you are suddenly all alone, and you can’t see any of those good things in your life. Logically, you know they are still there, but you just cant find your way back to them. No matter how much your loved ones shout out to you, reach for you, you can’t get past the fog. It’s terrifying. It’s lonely. And it’s totally out of your control.
I have suffered from depression since my early teens, but it wasn’t until my early 20’s I recognised what it was. Since then I have been on and off medication, gone through good and bad patches, but generally managed. That is until I found myself in a job where i was being bullied by a senior member of staff, and things spiraled quickly. Looking back, I can see the warning signs; I was becoming more and more anxious, feeling homesick (something I had never experienced before), worrying about family members. I bought a new car because I was convinced mine was going to break down, and that was too much for me to deal with. My confidence took a nosedive, and I was never the most confident anyway. That only gave the bully more ammunition to say I was rubbish at my job, when in fact I was being put in situations I should never have been in, with no guidance. That on top of constant, thinly veiled comments about me, led to me being signed off work with anxiety and depression.
What followed was a long period of me trying desperately to return to work, to prove them all wrong, only to find myself deteriorating quickly each time it came closer to me going back to work. At this point I couldn’t recognise that I was being bullied by the people I worked with. I just felt like a failure. I spent days, weeks, lying on the sofa in tears. Thoughts raced round and round my head. My medication was increased until I was on the maximum dose. I spoke to..." For the full story, go to www.mhstories.com 💜