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🌸Weight gain makes you prettier🌸You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you live, you learn. You're human, not perfect. You've been hurt, but your alive. Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive-to breathe, to think, to enjoy, and to chase the things you love. Sometimes there is a sadness in our journey, but there is also lots of beauty. We must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when we hurt, for we will never know what is waiting for us just around the bend.
⏩6 Months difference. Back when cake was a challenge⏩Now it's become one of my favourite foods and anxiety, or a negative thought doesn't even come into it⏩2 Weeks until my discharge appointment⏩It wasn't an easy one and bloodyhell it took a long enough time to make it, but fighting this disorder was the best decision I ever made🆓 #recovery #edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #balancednotclean #foodblogger #motivation #transformation

I had some leftover almond pulp from milk making and used it as the base for this loaf of GUUUUUUD. No recipe yet because I have yet to taste it 🙂 But if it tastes as good as it looks...fuhhhhhh 🤤

TODAY IS THE DAY 🙌🏼👏🏼🙏🏼 I have had such exciting news BUBBLING up inside of me for weeks! So here it is 💓 I have been interning for the beautiful @jenni_schaefer since May, helping to promote her breathtakingly inspiring mental health recovery books and shedding light on a topic so near and dear to my heart - the attainment of self love, acceptance, and inner peace. TODAY I am flying to Austin, TX where I will attend the 'Mission Recovery' conference hosted by @eatingrecovery alongside Jenni, who still serves as my greatest recovery inspiration. From nearly losing my life to this illness, to now serving as a recovery ambassador alongside some of my most highly esteemed role models, I can finally say I've found purpose and complete solace in my journey. Stay tuned for LOTS of updates! So excited to share this with all of you, my beautiful warriors. I truly wouldn't be here without ya ✨

On a summer's day, 5 years ago, I was too warm to cover up my entire body with embarrassment. Instead, I wore shorts with my bare legs out and a huge jumper 4 sizes too big that I thought was too tight on me. I made it to about, half way down my road when 2 boys shouted at me - "PUT YOUR THUNDER THIGHS AWAY" and I remember quite vividly, just bursting into tears and wishing I didn't eat that icecream to cool down. I was wishing I threw all my food in the bin instead of putting it into the body that I hated so much.
5 years on, until this very day, I hadn't shown my bare legs in broad daylight. Those words stuck by me. It felt as if as they said it, they were scraping the phrase into my pale skin and every time I let my legs breathe - the pain of "thunder thighs" digging into my legs started all over again. For 5 whole years. Until this day. I'm showing my legs with pride that they are still able to take me places when once, they didn't work. I wear these shorts with a smile because for all those times I sobbed at my own, scared and naked reflection - I'm here today, growing into the luminous red rose I've always wanted to be.
The scars are there, I can still feel the pain of the words those boys spat at me. But I've washed the spit off of my face and out of my hair. It took a long time. I'm here now, wearing the legs my beautiful parents gave me and no one can tear me down anymore. 🌹
@projectheal | @projectheal_uk | @beatingeatingdisorders | @neda | @sleepinthegardn | @project1in4 | @allwomanproject | @honeylovesorg

huge thanks to @eatenlightened for sending me their new crispy marshmallow treats! the first flavor i'll be reviewing is birthday cake! macros are 3f, 50c (8g of fiber & only 9g of sugar!), and 15p!! overall i'd give this bar a 6.5/10. i enjoyed it, but you can definitely tell it's a healthier version of a rice krispie treat. i usually double the butter when i make rice krispie treats, so i'm used to them being super gooey. this one, however was slightly on the dry side. again, it wasn't terrible and i will definitely be finishing off this box, but if you're expecting it to be exactly like rice krispies, then you'll be disappointed. i still recommend trying it if you see it in stores!

Yoo mes crevettes 🍤🤗 La 🍑 ? 😜
Moi super! Un peu fatiguée mais je me porte bien 👍 Niveau temps ça se rafraîchie, il fait toujours chaud mais on a perdu 10°C ! D'un sens c'est pas plus mal mais Bon c'est dommage ! Quoi que c'est quand même cool pour le brevet parce que Waw pour le bac vous avez eu du courage 😱💪🏻 Brefouille minute météo finito, passons à la journée ! Donc comme d'habitude un jeudi de cours avec anglais, français, SVT où on a fait des sujets de quoi Bien se rassurer 👍, Histoire et maths AVC pareil des sujets et genre j'ai trouvé Ca hyper simple et rapide à faire, en espérant que ce sera le cas là semaine prochaine, parce que ça y est, J-7 😱🔥👊🏻 Me tarde pour en avoir fini parce que là Ca me prends la tête et je sens le stress qui vient me faire un petit coucou! Jamais il ne me lâchera celui ci !👊🏻😂
En rentrant j'ai pris le temps d'apprendre 3chapitres d'histoires (j'avais prévu 4 mais bon tant pis !). Il m'en reste 7 que je compte apprendre Demain étant donné que je n'aurai pas cours de l'aprem! 📚
À part ça j'ai rien fais de spec', insta, snap puis là je vais aller me laver, relire toutes mes leçons déjà apprises, puis je vous posterai sûrement mon post qui est écrit enfin mais je vous préviens vraiment long!
Sinon Demain y'a un goûter en allemand Juste avant le midi.. raaah j'aurai préféré genre dans l'aprem mais Bon je vais tenter de me la jouer normal sans prise de tête en espérant que ça se passe bien 😊 De toute façon j'ai déjà peur pour Samedi... et si la chaleur m'a joué des tours? Et le stress? Ohlala je préfère pas penser au pire 😱👊🏻 Alors je me tais 🙊
Photo 👉🏼 #lunch 👉🏼 salade sodebo 🥗 avec jambon emmental, œuf, tomates, salades et pâtes 😍
Suivie de mr freeze et d'abricots 👌🏻

Également mon #goutgout 👉🏼 tartine de nut' avec 2 granolas 😍 et un bol croustillant 👌🏻

Et, une petite évolution de Moi 🙈💪🏻❤️
Je vous laisse le temps passe vite et j'ai hyper envie de pipi mdr 😂 Bisous les filles ❤️😘
#anorexique #anorexiemental #anorexiarecovery #trytorecover #inrecovery #frenchrecovery #realrecovery #sebattre

Options orange hot chocolate and 3 m&s double chocolate mini bites for afternoon snack ❤️ #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #ed #edfamily #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #strongnotskinny

Dinner is baked chicken, grated sweet potato and cauliflower with an unpictured chocolate milk! 😋🥛🍫🍠 I've been doing so well with milk lately :) liquid cals are still hard but I'm proud of my progression 💪 the appointment was alright although I had a huge lunch before so idk how that affected it 😬 have a lovely evening angels!! ❤️😘 xxx #prorecovery #minniemaud #edfam #ednos #edfood #edarmy #edrecovery #anawho #anabitch #anawarrior #anarecovery #recoveryisworthit #recoveryispossible #recoverywarrior #recoveryarmy #anorexia #anorexianervosa #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #eattolive #eattogrow #eattogain #edfamily #anafamily #goodbyeed #edcommunity #beated #fuckana #happypoints

Every once in a while it's important to step back and take a very honest look at where you are. What progress have you made? Where do you still need to push? I've been avoiding doing just that for a long time. Every once in a while I would reflect on a piece of my life, a single symptom or ritual, but it's been a very long time since I looked at the whole picture. On Monday I did just that and it broke me. And I'm still broken. We're coming up on a year (aug20) since I really, REALLY committed to recovery and weight restoration and I'm not where I wanted to be. And it really hurts. Sure, I've gained weight and people no longer gawk at my underweight body or worry for my health, but is that really the only important thing? I didn't break free of my mental chains, I tied them down to something else. I tied them down to a ritual that would allow me to eat and gain weight with the very least amount of anxiety possible (which is still a lot of anxiety). I still can't casually go out with my friends on a whim because god forbid I don't eat the right thing at the right time. I still avoid family functions. I still can't have a guy over on a weeknight because I need to do X or Y in order to quell the anxiety about being sedentary all day at work. I still desperately look forward to nightsnack because it's when I finally let my brain stop for a minute of peace. It's not a life. I'm not living a life. And I'm terrified that it never will be. And I'm ashamed that people call me an inspiration when I feel like such a fraud. I want to change, and these past few days of silence have consisted of me desperately trying to recommit and refocus on my mental recovery. I believe I can be better, because I have to believe. #edfree #edfamily #edrecovery #edsurvivor #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recover #realcovery #recoveryispossible #realrecovery #prorecovery #positiverecovery #edfighter #beatana #beatanorexia #recovery #eatingdisorder #foodisfuel #healthynotskinny #anorexianervosa #minniemaud #homeodynamictreatment


Sono giorni così strani. E’ come se qualcuno volesse mandarmi dei segnali. Ieri sera sono stata invitata alla festa di compleanno di una mia compagna di università, che mi ha trascurato e usato così tante volte che ho perso il conto. Ha fatto tutti gli anni la festa; io sono stata invitata solo il primo anno e ieri per l’appunto. Vi chiederete, forse abbiamo riallacciato i rapporti? No… semplicemente le ho fatto copiare tutto lo scritto dell’ultimo esame, e le sono stata accanto durante il suo solito lungo, asfissiante e pesante panico da preparazione. Ho deciso di andare consapevole che sarebbe stata l’ennesima serata in cui io mi sarei sentita fortemente di troppo, sola, esclusa. Come è andata? Mi sono sentita esattamente così, a disagio nell’ascoltare racconti sulla loro vita, a disagio nel mio corpo, in questo sorriso grasso, invisibile, collaterale. Ma solo per una mezz’oretta iniziale. Poi, l’unica persona con la quale io abbia più o meno mantenuto un contatto, che è allo stesso tempo fragile ma stordita, sensibile e solitaria, mi ha raccontato di tutti i problemi di incomprensione che sta avendo con il suo ragazzo. Ne aveva tanto bisogno, lo leggevo di suoi occhi, quindi ci siamo messe in disparte e l’ho ascoltata. Mi ha detto che in università si è sempre sentita diversa, di troppo, incompresa, sola, che è consapevole che i rapporti che ha costruito sono solo facciata. “Tu non ti senti mai così?” “Sempre, profondamente sempre” le ho risposto. E le ho ricordato la solitudine che ha visto in me in questi anni, della sofferenza che ho provato nel sentirmi sempre e comunque rifiutata, delle infinite mancanze e dei gesti unilaterali. E…si è messa a piangere. Davanti a tutti, davanti a me, con gli occhi lucidi, dicendomi che si sente profondamente in colpa per come lei in primis mi ha trattato. “Ho seguito la massa, avevo bisogno anche io di essere accettata e ti ho messo da parte troppe volte”. Si, anche lei mi hai fatto del male. Ad essere sincera ero convinta che vivesse un po’ tra le nuvole, smarrita, inconsapevole. Ma vedere quelle lacrime, per me è stato come se i pezzi del puzzle andassero al loro posto. ⬇️⬇️

#throwback to yesterday's #nightsnack which was a lebepur brownie bar 🍫
this is a new flavor of these bars but sadly I find it very hard to find them in stores ...this one tastes exactly like a brownie should taste in my opinion and good to satisfy sweet cravings in the evening 😌
and reached my snack minimum 👏🏻 I hope you all had a good day yesterday, mine was full but today I have only 4 periods of school 🙊 maybe I should use the free time to bake something after not doing this for like ages 💁
I ordered a new cookbook on amazon some days ago but they haven't delivered it yet 🙁 but on my amazon prime it says that the parcel got delivered yesterday and should be at mine 🤷‍♀️ I don't know what to do now so I hope I'll get my order today and my parcel hasn't got lost 🙃
I also have some To-Do things on my list for today but nothing special or important so it will be a relaxed day. Let's ignore the fact that I have two exams next week in my foreign languages and should practice a lot of grammar 😂
Stay strong and always keep going ❤️
#magersucht #thisorhospital #recovery #realrecovery #recoveryishard #recoveryproblems #recoveryisworthit #Ana #anorexie #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexianervosarecovery #anorexiarecovery #ed #edfam #edfamily #eattobeat #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #essstörung #beatit #beatana #vegan #veganrecovery

Bonjour ! J'ai longuement hésité à mettre cette photo car je la trouve pas très belle. Mais après réflexion, la perfection n'existe pas !
Au petit dej porridge chocolat 🍫 banane 🍌 beurre de cacahuète 🥜. Encore 1 journee et c'est le week end courage 🙌🏽
#anorexiarecovery #anarecovery #anawarrior #anafighter #edfamily #edwarrior #edsoldier #edrecovery #edfighter #fitness #fitfrenchies #fitnessgirl #stayfit #fitnessmotivation #fitnessmotivation #fitfam #fitnotskinny #fitmotivation #healthyfood #healthybreakfast #healthyrecipes #healthygirl #healthynothungry #healthynotskinny #strongnotsick #strongnotskinny #notskinny #banane #beurredecacahuete

Had an early afternoon tea off the ward with mum! She and I got our favourite yoghurts AND a coffee. Feeling (stupidly) guilty but hey ho. Being discharged on wednesday next week.

It's okay to have days when you miss your eating disorder. It's okay to grieve your ED. It's okay that I don't want recovery today, or yesterday, or really this whole week but I'm giving it my best shot anyway. Hoping and trying to trust that my motivation will come along with the action of committing to recovery. I am trying my hardest, and that's all I can do. Man, this shit is exhausting. And excruciatingly painful at times...but I don't really have a choice.
#bulimiarecovery #anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #inpatient #weightrestoration #eatingdisorderrecovery

frozen bean and corn enchiladas for dinner. these were actually pretty tasty. having a hard time with my emotions today, and it seems like i have a long way to go fixing all these bpd-related problems, but i believe i can do it! #edwarrior #edrecovery #edrecoveryfood #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #bpd #food

Einen wunderschönen guten Morgen ihr lieben. Ja, long time no see. 🙈 Es ist jetzt mittlerweile schon mehr als eine Woche her, dass ich das letzte mal etwas gepostet habe und ich muss gestehen, diese kleine Pause habe ich wirklich gebraucht. Die vergangene Woche war verdammt anstrengend; ich habe mich mit einigen verbotenen Lebensmitteln auseinander gesetzt, wurde mit Situationen konfrontiert denen ich normalerweise aus dem Weg gehe und habe glaube ich endlich erkannt, wofür die Krankheit für mich steht, wofür ich sie brauche. Einerseits bin ich unheimlich froh, das erkannt zu haben, andererseits fällt mir noch nicht ein, wie mich aus dieser Denkweise befreien kann. Und das macht es mir als ungeduldigen, leicht perfektionistischen Menschen sehr schwer 🙈 Hier bekomme ich immer zuhören, dass ich mich Ängsten "einfach" stellen muss; Dinge machen muss um die eingefahrenen Denkmuster Stück für Stück zu lösen. Manchmal klappt das gut, manchmal überhaupt nicht. Ich muss mich einfach immer wieder daran erinnern, was auf mich alles wartet, wenn ich mich nach und nach von den Ketten der Krankheit löse. Aber das klappt, da bin ich recht optimistisch 😉
Für mich geht es dieses Wochenende mal nach Hause und Angst und Freude habe ich beide im Gepäck 😉 Aber das gehört dazu und ich freu mich, vor meiner Abreise vorher nochmal den "Alltag" üben zu können. Und vielleicht kann ich ja auch hier wieder ein paar Minischritte aus der Komfortzone machen 😊
Ich wünsche euch allen einen ganz tollen Start ins Wochenende 💕
#staystrong #sophielottacommunity #lifehappensoutsideyourcomfortzone #alleswirdgut #loveyourself #fittriocommunity #teambodylove #recovery #ziele #selbstliebe #recoveryisworthit #immerpositivdenken #anorexiarecovery #prorecovery #motivation #quote #quoteoftheday #lebenswert #zitat #healing #derwegistdasziel #zitate #aufgebenistnicht #eatingdisorderrecovery #edrecovery #powergirlmovement #quotes

Buongiorno🌞! Ieri sera sono sparita perché sono andata a mangiare dai miei zii👨‍👩‍👧... È stata una decisione difficile perché non avevo mangiato "cibi-sicuri" a pranzo😳 (anzi...) e soprattutto perché mia zia aveva fatto solo roba con formaggio o salumi🤐, e sí, due volte al giorno mi pesa😔... Comunque ho deciso di NON prendermi la mia roba💪 e alla fine è andato tutto bene👐. Ho riepiegato sulla fesa di pollo che aveva zio in frigo💘 e per il resto ho mangiato quello che c'era in tavola senza fare la diversa🙅. Sono fiera di me👊. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A parte questo, la colazione di oggi é inguardabile🙈 ma B U O N I S S I M A😍😍😍!!!! ho sperimentato un #pancake🌾 ghiacciato❄ ripeno di #yogurtgreco🍥💕 aromatizzato alla #vaniglia🌸, poi #mela🍏 Golden giga, #noci🌰🐿 e #thé🍵 freddo ai #fruttirossi🍓🍇! No cioè una bomba💥! Brutto ma buonissimo😻🔝! Ora mi sbrigo che ho l'orale di un'amica alle 8🗣, poi gelatino🍦 per merenda e pranzo fuori🍽... Ce la posso fare👊! A dopo😘! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#colazione #fitfood #healthyfood #foodporn #foodblogger #cibosano #fitrecipes #chefmood #anafighter #anoressiaitalia #anorexiarecovery #fuckana #pancakeghiacciato #yogurtgreco #vaniglia #flavdrops #noci #mela

Let's all just appreciate for a min the epic-ness of this cake 😍 .
There's so much food here atm you can't even imagine (maybe ile take a photo later). On a negative note I'm all sorts of struggling not to relapse ed or self harm wise. And on two more negative notes I'm sick of hearing bout pep at work talking bout dieting/calories/how much weight they have to lose for our mid year function or in general/ how bad they are for eating X & y. It makes me feel so guilty everytime about my fatness & what they must think of me. Even as I type this pep are talking bout the topic!! I guess it's just a general thing in society, but I hate it. Also on another complan-y note I'm so so over having nightmares, I've had constant nightmares for yearssss, but recently they are getting to me. The other day I was trying to scream in my dream at pep to help me but I couldn't scream properly. Then last night ((TW)): a guy was trying to rape me, and he suddenly injected me with something & I was panicking because I didn't know what it was.

- Smoothiebowl nectarine, cornflakes de maïs bio, amandes & citron🍴- Malgré les températures estivales en baisse, hop un Smoothiebowl bien frais, fruité. Le bonheur tout simplement !
C'est parti pour l'ouverture du magasin dès 9h. J'espère on aura Internet, j'ai trop de demandes en attente 😱

Sinon hier soir, gros craquage j'ai tout réservé sur un coup de tête, les transports et l'hébergement pour une nouvelle capitale...🌏 Plus qu'à partir et profiter à nouveau ! 😎

Bonne journée à tous 😘

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