#anorexia

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*30 secs transformation.

Here you see two pictures of me, same day, same very bloated me but different pose! .

First of all, I bloat A LOT!! I've noticed now that a lot of it is down to stress, anxiety etc.. It'd used to bother me a lottttt, but now I'm learning not to let it bother me so much. And realising that my worth does not depend on how my body looks! .

I've posted couple of these 30 seconds transformations pics before on here, and a little part of me didn't feel completely great with how I looked on those photos. .

But there is NOTHING about either of these photos that should make me feel 'bad' about myself.
It's my body, a body that has gone through a lot. It's the only body I have. It's the body I am learning to love and accept every single day. #mybadassbody
And I am completely okay with both of these photos! .

Don't let yourself be fooled by the pictures you see on social media + those fitness/dieticians pages!!
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Don't compare yourself with anyone in this world!
NO ONE is you and that is your power!✨ .
The body you have RIGHT NOW is perfect!🌸 .

You're worthy, you're enough, just the way you are, RIGHT NOW!💜💜💜 .

YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR BODY!! YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR BODY!!! YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR BODY!!🙌👊✨ .

Ps Life is throwing some great things but also some great challenges at me right now, so I haven't/might not be on here as much. Need to remind myself that I'm very much so in recovery process (PTSD + all the fun things that have come along with it😏) and I need to take care of myself and my own mental health a lot more right now.💖

My story isn't your typical eating disorder story. My story isn't the story that society wants to accept. My story isn't a "perfect" example of what an eating disorder is.
I don't have an incredibly sickening looking before picture and I'm not your perfect, lean but healthy looking after picture.
I wasn't diagnosed with anorexia from a young age and I haven't been battling bulimic behaviours for 10+ years. I was never admitted to hospitals or treatment centres.
My eating disorder fed off the daily activities I was passionate about, fitness.
The calorie counting, energy in vs energy out, working out everyday and most times twice a day, an extreme obsession about my body image.
My body fat % dipped so low I could have dropped dead, I had no menstrual cycle for nearly 4 years.
I NEVER thought of myself as an anorexic, I knew I had an issue when I was forcing myself to throw up after my meals, yet it took me a few years to admit I needed help.
My disorder was masked by the fitness industry. And far too many are.
So please reevaluate yourself, your goals and your habits. Know that exercise and fitness is to make you feel good not to punish yourself with!
#EDwarrior
#EDawareness
#TransformationTuesday

Transformation on a Wednesday. Yesterday I didn't post anything because I got extremely depressed and worked up about how I'm seeing myself in the mirror. I am no doubt in the hardest part of recovery right now, being extremely tired with the hormone issues and then slowly seeing myself change along with the scale going up is mentally unbearable at times. But then I remembered all of the truly outstanding people who have come into my life recently. After my last post I've received truly amazing support and kindness. That has brought me back into a more relaxed frame of mind. I'm ready to keep going and take my struggles for just what they are, bumps in the road that i WILL overcome.
#iifym #anorexia #gymlife #edsoldier #eatingdisorderrecovery #LCHF #bench #squats #eatclean #cleaneating #keto #recovery #lifting #gainz #paleo #muscle #fit #fitness #igfit #igfitness #fitlife #fitspo #nutrition #keto #flex #gym #flexibledieting #foodporn #gainingweightiscool

Igår hade jag ett långt samtal med min far. Han har, precis som jag, döljt min sjukdom i många år. Vi har aldrig pratat om den förän nu. Han stöttar mig fullt ut. Och förstår att jag behöver få bearbeta.
Efter publiceringen i Aftonbladet så har jag alltså fått en del motgångar. 95% av min släkt valt att totalt ignorera mig. Jag finns inte längre. Varför gör man såhär? Avundsjuka? Egot? Skäms man? Den bittra sanningen? Dåligt samvete?

Det har såklart varit mycket känslor här, jag fick just Anorexia eftersom jag har lite svårt att kontrollera det där med känslor. Först stolt och glad över publiceringen, sen grät i ett dygn, övergick till aggressivitet som jag fick ur mig på gymmet, blev sen motiverad till tusen, för att sen övergå till dåligt samvete. Är det kanske så, att det är jag som gjort fel, som för en gångs skull syns..? Med det sagt så vill jag även återigen tacka för ert stöd. ❤ Det har betytt så mycket när andra sviker.
Det har absolut inte varit ett lätt val att gå ut med det här. Efter så många år av tysthet, så är det en stor sten som föll av från mina axlar. Jag kan inte längre dölja mitt förflutna.
Många som tycker jag är en otroligt stark kvinna. Idag känner jag mig svagare än någonsin.
#anorexia #transformation #transformationtuesday #jagharviljan #jagtogbeslutet #träna #tränahårthållkäft #gym #girl #girls #sweden #sverige #gymrat #nocco #celsius #recovery #aftonbladet #tidningen #news #magazine #minresaräknas #gymgirl #wellness #körbarakör #celsiussverige #celsius #nocco #monster

They're so cute
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HOTLINES:
Suicide: 1-800-784-8433
Bullying: 1-800-420-1479
Self harm: 1-800-DONT-CUT, 1-800-344-HELP
Eating disorders: 1-847-831-3438
Trans suicide: 877-565-8860
Rape and Sexual assault: 1-800-656-4673
Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Grief support: 1-650-321-3438
Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678
Depression: 1-800-273-8255
Abuse: 1-800-799-7233, 1-800-787-3224
After abortion: 1-866-439-4253
Textline: 741-741
Websites: 7cups.com, imalive.org
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TAGS: #secretsociety123 #starving #struggling #borderline #iwanttodie #killme #suicide #bulimia #suicidal #depressed #sad #pain #sadness #equality #pride #respect #love #happy #recovery #hope #depression #cutting #selfharmmm #fat #ugly #anxiety #selfhate #anorexia #ana #mentalillness (Tags don't apply to me. Just spreading positivity)

how was your day?

McDonalds Monopoly is here and I'M BUZZING @mcdonalds 😛 You all know how much i've been waiting for this and I swear i'm going to go every week and make this my home💁🏼 Got a crispy garlic mayo because it was £1.99 today and medium fries🍟❤️

guten morgen.
ich habe inzwischen geduscht und bin nicht mehr so sehr getriggert.
ich bin mega müde, hab gar nicht gut geschlafen. bin total kaputt.
sogar meine mutter fragt ob was los ist weil ich so fertig aussehe.
es tut immer noch alles weh.
muss jetzt frühstücken und schau bisschen fernsehen. so müde und kaputt will ich nicht auto fahren.
was mich grade ziemlich stört ist dass meine narben so verblassen. einerseits ist es voll cool und erleichtert so ziemlich alles was mit anderen menschen zu tun hat.
aber da verschwindet meine geschichte, meine erinnerungen. ich ja gar nicht so sein, aber irgendwie bleibt da ein geschmack von 'so schlimm ging es dir ja gar nie' im mund, und das gefällt mir auch nicht. grrrr.
zudem ist mein körper richtig eklig fett wieder. ich hätte gerne wieder weniger auf den hüften. oft ist es so, dass ich mich in meinem Körper gar nicht so schlecht fühle, bin ich dann bilder von mir sehe. des geht dann gar nicht. kann sein das ich deshalb gestern so getriggert war.... ach wieso auch einfach wenns kompliziert geht oder? menno. ich kann gerade nicht mal mehr richtig schreiben..... #borderline #depression #adhd #anorexia #anxiety #ritzen #cutting #cat #ana #deb #suicidal #sleepless #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #adhs #magersucht #lonley #suicide #fat #selfharmmm #scars #tattoo

MOST RECENT

➡Day 1.
Постить завтрак в обед? Могу, умею, практикую.

Решила серьезно меняться, не хочу тонуть в яме рпп, захлебываясь всеми проблемами. Вообще я не люблю что либо делать к определенной дате, но до моего дня рождения 12 дней и я хочу за эти 12 дней подготовиться к жизни без рпп. Я хочу начать жизнь с чистого листа, чтобы не бегать очищаться после лишнего кусочка, а наслаждаться едой и... бред какой-то, но думаю вы поняли.

12:05🔶Завтрак:
•Овсяша на м/в с сахаром.
•Кофе с молоком б/с.

Ах да, еще я открыла свой профиль и поэтому, люди, которые заходят на эту стр чтобы как-то постебать потом, в реале- идите в задницу, хдд.
Хорошего всем дня.
♡♡♡
#anorexia #bulimia #eatingdisorder #recovery
#eatclean #bulimiarecovery #intuitiveeating #eattobehealthy #goodgirlseat

#lunchiiie before school was bulgur wheat, shrimps and roasted cauliflower (you have to taste this omg) || i don't often do shoutouts but guys please go follow my amazing friend @recoverinmunchkin, she's amazing but needs support right now so it would mean the WOOOORLD if you could go follow her please 💛💎

relapsing

Breakfast this morning was my old comfort food - hot buttered crumpets. I had them with some mango, pineapple and watermelon and the usual glass of green smoothie 🥞🍍🍉🍈🍹#breakfast #morning #crumpets #hotbutteredcrumpets #mango #pineapple #watermelon #melon #freshfruit #smoothie #greensmoothie

gerade die erste Gruppentherapie hinter mir. Also ich bin gerade echt mit mehr fragen aus dem Raum gegangen als in den Raum am Anfang hinein.💪🏽 die größte Frage bei mir : Wie kann man Hilfe annehmen, oder woran erkennt man die angebotene Hilfe? 🤷🏼‍♂️ gleich gibt es Mittag essen und danach werd ich erstmal ne Runde spartieren gehen. Und die Bäume genießen 🌲🌷#recovery #kampfgegenmagersucht #healthylifestyle #healthy #spring #bulemiarecovery #anorexia

Please excuse my messy room and my dirty mirror. I look so fucking fat today I can't even explain it. Like omf why. Why can't I be skinny? 😭
~ Alex

Quick cereal bar munching during a lecture break

Lunch the other day was a hummus and mango chutney sandwich w chocolate soy milk 😕 It feels so pointless eating my whole meal plan now that I'm gaining much quicker than i have to which just leaves me confused and hopeless 😩 and the talk yesterday about my social difficulties has ripped all my motivation and happiness away... I really don't know how to feel better or start fighting anymore 😕#anorexia #eatingdisorderrecovery #depression #recovery #eatingdisorder #edwarrior #edfam #edfighter #anorexiarecovery #mentalhealth #mentalillness #suicide #anxiety #socialanxiety #avoidantpersonalitydisorder #personalitydisorder #struggle #struggling #depressed #suicidal

#lunch at work was potato leek soup with bread (275/300). I dont know how i feel. I cried this morning while Standing for the school. I feel so empty and like i could cry every Moment.
I wasnt able to weight myself. Shit, the scale isnt working. I am carving sushi and only want to stay in bed. Its terrible.
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#recovery #edrecovery #ed #edrecover #recover #ana #anorexia #kickanasass #mia #bulimia #purge #binge #selfharm #ugly #fat #wanttobehealthy #weightrestored #cutting #fatty #fatwhale #fatslut #hatethisall #wanttodie #fuck #uglyfatgirl

☕️🍨 coffee maple hazelnut @nutribrex

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