🍎🍯L'shana Tova to my fellow tribe members.🍯🍎 I reflect on where I was on this holy day last year. I used the holiday as an excuse to skip class so I could isolate in bed all day. I used Yom Kippur as a justification for proliferating my eating disorder. I weighed in at my lowest that day and snapchatted the scale with the caption "The Fast Life". I glamorized my addiction as a means of justification. The Yom Kippur before that, I skipped class and smoked weed all day alone in bed.
There's a prayer in Judaism said each morning
מוֹדֶה אֲנִי לְפָנֶיךָ מֶלֶךְ חַי וְקַיָּם, שֶׁהֶחֱזַרְתָּ בִּי נִשְׁמָתִי בְּחֶמְלָה. רַבָּה אֱמוּנָתֶךָ
It translates to "I am thankful before You, living and enduring King, for you have mercifully restored my soul within me. Great is Your faithfulness." It is basically thanking G-d for giving me life another day.
Each day I woke up and wished I hadn't. Each night I went to bed hoping I wouldn't wake up. I hated this prayer, I couldn't understand it.
This year is going to be different. My outlook on life has changed and for the first time since I can remember, I am happy to be alive. I am grateful for the life G-d has given me. If you finished reading this, thank you, you the real MVP. I wish all my friends and family a sweet new year filled with happiness. ✡🇮🇱 #roshhashana #jewishgirls #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #depression #yomkippur #5778 #addiction #modehani #amyisraelchai