I’m so inconsistent nowadays. I’m not writing very much except in my diary to get all the annoying thoughts out of my head. And now, I have said I’m taking a break from x but I have the perfect opportunity to have him over because my partner is away most of the weekend. But I guess I’m not sure if I do want to see him. I know I’ve had some amazing times with him but I also know the aftereffects of seeing him and talking to him. It makes me pretty miserable. Soooo do I risk the miserableness for an opportunity? And will he even want to hang out since I haven’t spoken to him since Sunday... I don’t know. He’s all over the place and not very clear about anything in his own life. He seems lost honestly. But I have no clue because I have not really asked him about it or talked to him. Or asked him about his life. So I’m not being very friendly am I? I’m undecided whether it would be a good idea to see him. I will think on it this afternoon and maybe message him. The fact that I’m having this conversation I think means I do want to see him. But I don’t feel like I do in my head or my heart. I’ve actually been so much more peaceful without him these 3 days. It’s been really nice. And I kinda would want to just keep it that way. So have I answered my question? But I’m still undecided even though logically it seems better to just ignore him. It would be nice for a sign of some sort that could lead me somewhere. Though I probably shouldn’t let my life be decided by signs. Ultimately though I have the last decision. I think I want to see him. Even if it does mean a really miserable me later. Haha god I’m so uncertain. I need to be more certain of things.