I don't really know what to say about this one. It might barely make sense to some of you but to me, it's perfect clarity. I don't know what I was thinking or feeling while writing this, all I know is the aftermath of whatever that emotion was.. Was horrific. I want to scream and cry but I also just want to lay here and think about the countless possibilities my life can take in the next week or so. Once school starts again things might change, for better or for worse. Do you ever have such strong feelings for someone that you don't even know what to call it? I've never experienced love. Not really. So I don't know what it is, what it feels like. I can't keep saying I love anything if I don't know what love is. I want to feel it. I want to experience it. I've never truly been cared about. I want to feel that too. Right now I'm feeling anger and doubt. I want it to stop. I just want all of my feelings to pause so I can think about my next move. Realistically I don't have time to think I need to put the pieces together before they fall apart. I need to move on. I just need to think. My mind is drowning in the wavelengths of my future thoughts. It makes no sense. What if I'm wrong? I'm never wrong. Maybe that needs to change. Maybe my pointless rambling is the only solution I have to cope with my own severity of crazy. Words don't make sense to me, they're just there. Why am I a writer if I can't make sense of anything? Why can't I do things right? Why am I a failure? Why do I hate myself so much? Why can't I just be loved? Why does any of this matter? Why did you read this? Questions. All I have are questions upon questions. But no answers. Maybe I'm going mad.
#poetry #pointlessrambling #poem #love #hate #sadness #despair #whycantibeloved #amigoingcrazy #questions #emo #emotions #imalone #imcrazy