You can never get used to pain. No matter how many times you've gone through the same situation, pain always finds new ways to torture you. The circumstances may be old but pain, pain is always new.
When you go to sleep and you're reminded of your past circumstances, you feel the pain build up inside. But, you don't scream cause you can't. You can't let them know that you're suffering. So you bring your mouth close to your pillow and let out a muffled cry; a cry of pain. And slowly, the tears come out. They originate in your eyes, travel through your cheeks, and die on your pillow. For a while, you observe those tiny droplets of water, and you're reminded of another sad story. You observe how as soon as your tears kiss your pillow, they're dead. And you cry again cause you hate yourself for being the cause of that.
It's nearing dawn so, you cry a little more cause you know that soon you'll have to pretend that everything's okay. You hate the fact that you have to cry yourself to sleep every night. You hate the fact that you're numb during the day but at night, everything hits you at once. You hate the fact that you have to put on a mask everyday cause the real you is studded with scars; the type of scars which are enough to scare people away. You hate the fact that no mater what happens, the pain doesn't die; if anything, it grows more violent. You hate the fact that you hate yourself cause you love the way it tortures you. You hate the fact that your brain plays games with you and you give in to it, every damn night. Soon, you fall asleep but no, the pain doesn't end here. The pain inside you gives rise to nightmares; the realistic ones. You suffer once again, but you don't open your eyes. You're afraid if you open your eyes, the nightmares will come true. So you keep your eyelids shut and suffer through the nightmares until it's time for you to wake up. What you refrain yourself from thinking is, how you secretly enjoy the way it hurts you. It feels like forever until the alarm clock blares, waking you up from another diabolical nightmare. You open your eyelids to the sun rays dancing across your room. You move towards your bathroom. (contd. below)