I really just wish I had some better before pictures... like of my entire body... but I made sure there was no documentation. It was a really dark time, and I don’t just mean when I was obese. I mean my entire past was dark. I didn’t know how unhappy I was and had been until I found myself. Until I found that I loved myself. Until I found that it is OKAY TO LOVE YOURSELF. Even if you’re heavier than what you’d like to be. Even if your hair doesn’t fall just like hers or if you have stretch marks on your ass or acne on your face. None of those “flaws” have to define us. Instead of broadcasting your flaws, in a manor of disgust and hate for yourself, embrace the parts of you that your loved ones see as beautiful. Hold onto those parts, and fucking run with them. .
Just think, let’s just say we all have approximately 85 years on this planet. In these 85 years do you want to spend your time wishing you could change? hoping to be different than what you are? praying for a body like that or a face like hers...? do you want to dwell on all of the things you want to be but never could, because you were too busy telling yourself you can’t? .
We are creatures of habit, creatures of learned behaviors... my entire childhood I was told I was a stupid child, with no motivation, no aspirations and no where to go in life.. THANKS YA ASSHOLE (to my ex step father) I believed him. Every fucking word. I ate it up. My mind knew no better.. it knew no other alternative. I thought he had to be right, so I fucking gave up. I failed school put no effort towards having a social life and I tired to kill myself with over the counter headache medicine... I was 12 years old. Thank goddess I was so ignorant about drugs. I was 12 years old and I was trying kill myself because I had been taught to hate who I was, to loathe the skin I was in, to ignore my mind when it was quietly say “He’s wrong! We are worthy!”
I didn’t know it was possible to love myself. I didn’t think it was possible. But I’m fucking awesome, I have amounted to an amazing person, mother and wife. And IM JUST GETTIN STARTED BITCHES! .
But 12 years ago there was no light at the end of the tunnel.