Thanksgiving was a success. Now onto Christmas!

Happy Thanksgiving and make sure to count your blessings this holiday and give love to those dearest to you who have always supported you. I have quite a few people in my life who do, day in and day out. ❤

It's almost Christmas and I probably won't get all my Christmas shopping done in time so that's not fun, but other than that I'm really excited. Also Gotham season three is out and that's just the coolest my dudes. But have this semi-oldish picture of me. Sorry I haven't been writing really long captions lately, I've been kind of busy. I'll try to bust out a few in the next few days. It's cool when people tell me they read my captions and that they appreciate what I have to say, because while I do like makeup and fashion, first and foremost I am a writer so when you pay attention to that I really love it. Thanks guys.

I got to draw a pretty mermaid I saw today from memory, painting with a yellow sharpie can be really stressful. #myart #drawing #mermaid #pinkhair #flowernipples #tattoos #pretty #artistsoninstagram #sea

Go leave a comment on my Sarahah and tell me how you think/feel for me and I'll respond on my story. (linked in bio) Also; let me know if I should make a separate account where I'll post up close shots of my makeup, my routine, some looks I've done, etc. ❤

I got told I look like Alicia Silverstone from Clueless and I think I reached my final form. Also tomorrow is last day before break and I already have people making plans with me I'm excited. :)

Be a Veronica in a world full of Heathers. 📸☇

So, the sun is shining and it's really nice out, and I was pretty happy but for some reason I feel so lonely lately. Like lonely as in, I have so much to accomplish and do and so many things I want to enjoy but nobody really gets it, you know? I'll do my hundreds of IXLs and some annoying assignments I gotta complete, but it's like everything's so bland and I just can't do it. I can't do all these things I want to do and I can't do all these assignments I need to do. I can't tell people what I want to tell them without eyerolls and wow I just realized how lonely this feels. I'm lonely. I feel lonely. Not to mention I have this weight on my shoulders and I feel like I've ruined my life. I'm not gonna be able to accomplish anything. I'm not gonna be able to do anything. I'm not gonna be able to be a writer and I'm not gonna be able to get into a good college and I'm not gonna be able to do me. I'm not. Because I've messed up, because I feel like I've ruined everything. And I'm so exhausted. I'm exhausted and I feel like a failure. And there's not a thing I can do about it.

"Can't you see, I only want the ones who never see me?" //
Hey, what's up, back at it again with the Melanie Martinez lyrics. This is actually one of my favorite lines from her songs as wow does it hit home with me. It's weird. Sometimes I'm like "hey, what's wrong with me, why can't I like people that actually I don't know, I have a chance with?" Well apparently with my luck I have chances with no one as I am the lucky winner of not being liked. Whatever, I'll get over it, it's fine. Sometimes it just sucks because I don't really know what's wrong with me or why things don't work out in my favor, but it's like the less someone knows me the less they like me. And I can be liked for the fact I'm nice to people or that I do my best to help others, but the people who do like me aren't worth my time and will end up losing me. I just don't really get it. Maybe I'm just fourteen and this is a small town, but it's not like this is an impossible dating pool to choose from and it's not like every other fourteen year old can't find a relationship. I'm kind of just sad about it, or more so put off because I am really wondering what repels so many people away from me.

An art trade from the artist @tay.does.more.art and did a fabulous job with their character’s style! So, I did my version of their character and added some good touches to surpass my limits. It took me 3-5 days just to finish ONE project. #art #arte #arts #arty #art🎨 #artistsoninstagram #artist #artsy #artwork #artis #artwork🎨 #artistic #medibang #medibangpaint #anime #animegirl #arttrade #pinkhair #detailed #digital #digitalart #digitalpainting

"If they need you temporarily, ignore them permanently." // Man, have I dealt with people like this a time or two. More like its a daily occurrence, actually, but I'm kind of used to people at this time in my life using me and leaving. Using me as entertainment until soemone better comes along, using me for emotional support, or even just using every fiber of my being until there's nothing left. And that's exhausting. But I've learned to forget about them. To move on. Once upon a time, I liked someone who lead me to believe they did too, and then when someone better came along they decided they didn't need to like me anymore. And that hurts. So discard those who discard you. It's the only way to avoid losing yourself. You may tell yourself to be the better person, to be kinder and offer a hand, but if that means hurting yourself in the process, it's not worth it. You're worth more. And so am I.

Today's gonna be a good day. Space buns and hoop earrings? Heck yeah.

I'm excited for Christmas, but I'm not excited for all the days leading up to it. Sadness isn't rad.

I was so disappointed before but if I'm being honest it doesn't really matter, because even if in fact this isn't anything more, and part of me wants to believe it is, I'm just happy you're in my life. Because I don't think people realize what loving some one really is, it's not wanting to make them yours it's just wanting them to be themselves, to be as they are, from a distance or not.

What's frustrating is the fact you really got my hopes up - that wasn't sparring my feelings. That was wanting to keep this going, to keep me hopeful for something I was lead to believe would happen, but it didn't. And you knew that from the start. I just wanted some honesty, you know? I expected honesty. And it's sad because I didn't get it. But I deserved it. I deserved to be told that I was more than worth you. I am worth a lot more than some attention that I may have showed you. I am worth more than just a smile or a simple hello and I am worth more than the immediate rejection you showed me each time I tried for more tnan that. I'm worth more. And you missed out big time.

So that's it? That's what it's gonna be like. I just wish I could forget this ever happened. I just wish people could appreciate the things I do for them and the lengths I got to all just so that they can be happy, and what happens for me? I just feel kind of used and I don't know why. It's not anyone in particular it's just like, I've come to this realization that everything I put in won't come back out. In fact it's just opened up gate ways for people to walk on my self esteem, and that's really sad. It's really disappointing.

What's sad is when you have those thoughts like, "What if this is my whole? What if this it?" And you realize how much you really dislike where you're at. This point at which you stare your situation dead in the face and the only thing you're scared of is the fact that it might continue. I'm okay with some rainy days but when every day I'm getting soaked, then when am I gonna enjoy the sunshine? Every once and a while things are only slightly cloudy? That's not a way I want to live. If I'm gonna spend my whole life worried about everything, consistently having my feelings trampled, and the idea of being trapped like this for ever might just be too much for me. I just miss it. I miss it when it wasn't like this.

Kind of really tired of wanting to talk to people, but never knowing what to talk about so they get the wrong impression of me. But then like once I'm comfortable with them, I talk way too much because I have so much to tell them because I feel accepted, and their opinion of me totally changes. Kind of tired of people getting bored of me or annoyed by me, as if there's no in between.

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