Let's remember Lars... He was the sweetest boy in school for me, he just touched my heart. Dark blonde hair, a nice smile, something dreamy about him; Lars was rather quiet and shy, but very intelligent, full of knowledge. And most important: he also had my taste in music, only that he was a huge Neil Young fan and I was not.
So I fancied this boy, watched him from a distance, wondered without taking any action. There was clearly a huge attraction between us, secret looks on both sides, we were riding on the same wave, but none of us dared to say anything.
And that was it, end of the story, just another path in life that we didn't take.
I know that Lars later married a pretty girl, but who was completely different from him. They had a kid together, were rather unhappy, but they stood together. He didn't have a bad life, that's not true. But he (they) had to live through a functional and rather unfullfulling relationship. After many years, Lars called me, for the very first time actually. I knew why, but it was too late. Once again, nobody said anything, just small talk to gloss over the silence. I didn't even ask him how he found out my number.
Don't get me wrong, there can be something moving about the odd, even unhappy couplings. Which stay together besides the smoldering unfullfilment. It's a special human tenderness; in the end we're staring out of the window alone, always. So why not together one is tempted to say.
But this awkwardness in younger years, it still fucks me up. Now even more than back then.
#neilyoung #roxy #vinyl