Comment "love& #34; letter by letter!
nobody asks a cheater why he cheats.
i sure as hell didn’t.
nobody asks what kind of numb his heart
must be to ruin someone who would
have bled out if it meant he would stay.
it’s pretty fucked up, isn’t it?
how your crippling self-doubt
leads you to believe this is all your fault,
but you still find yourself screaming
at him through a phone receiver,
cursing his entire being,
telling him it is in his nature:
he is manipulative and shitty and horrible.
telling him you can’t believe a world
so beautiful birthed something so awful.
but people aren’t born this way
and you know it.
you know there are factors that went into this.
maybe it was that you didn’t say you loved him
enough or that he didn’t like
the way your fingers felt in his hair.
maybe you fucked too soft or loved too gentle.
maybe his bruised self-esteem wanted
two to make up for the fact that
his heart was a void so empty.
i’m not saying this is your fault.
i’m not saying he should have done this,
that this is somehow excusable,
and i’m sure as hell not telling you to stay,
because baby, run. please.
i’m saying that sometimes hurting others
is the result of previous pain.
sometimes you are too beautiful to understand
that things weren’t as perfect as they seemed.
that neither one of you were happy.
i’m saying i was cheated on and i’m still beautiful.
i’m saying no single person determines my value.
i’m saying i’m sorry
to the person i expected to love me
even when i wouldn’t let him in fully,
the person who cheated on me.
to you, to the harsh poems,
the dark messages i wrote myself
about how much i hate you,
i don’t hate you. i mean it,
i hope she can give you
the kind of love you wanted,
because i realize now that i can’t.
this is me saying
you aren’t a horrible person for making a mistake.
you are still the person i loved at one point.
you just aren’t the person for me,
just as i wasn’t the person for you
as the smell of her lingered in your sheets. "
— i’m sorry i never asked you if you were okay (via achingchest)