A few months ago I did a photo shoot in which for the first time I had my hair and makeup professionally done. In my teenage years what I wanted most in life was to become a model. The people I most admired at that time in my life where Lindsay Lohan, Mary Kate Olsen, and Nicole Richie. I starved myself to achieve a sickly frame and wouldn’t go anywhere without doing my hair or make up. Now I’m not saying anything negative about the shoot I did a couple months ago the photographer was beyond incredible and the make up artist blew my mind away she was amazing! But when I looked in the mirror at the final product that morning I didn’t recognize myself. At the time I didn’t realize how triggering this experience was for me and how much of my old bullshit was being stirred up and brought to the surface. These days I am not a person that you will find wearing much make up if any at all aside from maybe some mascara and sometimes not even that, although I have extensions and dye my hair fun colors I still prefer to let it be wild, untamed and unbrushed. .
The pictures from my shoot were gorgeous, but again I did not recognize the person I was looking at. I received so many comments in real life and on social media about how beautiful I looked which was a really awesome feeling. At the time I didn’t notice myself doing this but I began to wear more make up & I begin to spend more time on my hair. I didn’t feel beautiful unless I had mass amounts make up on, make up I was not used to wearing nor did I know how to put on so I can only imagine how foolish for these few weeks I looked 🙈 not only did I begin to wear more make up and spend more time on my hair but I also began to feel quite negatively about myself, and what’s worse I started comparing myself to those photos. Those photos became my new standard for beauty & I felt that if I did not look as perfect as I had in those pictures that I couldn’t leave the house I couldn’t bare to be seen. .
This picture that I took on my trip to the Maldives is a perfect reflection of who I am. Salt on my skin, no make up and hair full of sand 🤗 im grateful for yet another opportunity to learn & grow. .