Do you know what I hate about this disease the most?! It’s the BD - Body Drama
It’s constant and never ending. It your own body against you.
It’s the shame, the embarrassment and the lack of anonymity.
There’s some ups but the lows are so low.
Embarrassment and shame come in a variety of ways. The shitting of your pants or passing out at work.
Lack of anonymity because everyone knows you’re that person who’s always sick, always calling in sick or always looks like the living dead.
Today I passed out at my desk. I work in a hospital. My colleagues had to call a Code Blue MET on me. Everyone was watching. Everyone saw. They saw me lay down on my back, legs up and being assessed and cannulated. For some reason the cannulating somehow felt so personal. So dramatic.
They wheeled me down to ED and passed the morgue. I said to the MET team through many many embarrassed tears, that it would have been easier to just wheel me straight into there.
I cried. I’m so embarrassed. I’m ashamed. I’m ashamed that I’m “that” girl. I want people to like me for me and know me as the kind woman that helps others - not the one who needs help all the time.
I’m ok now. I had really low potassium levels and a really heavy period so my body just essentially went “fuck this shit, I’m tapping out”....... I’m home and in bed resting now. Hubby flew home immediately and I’ll be resting up.
Huge thank you to my colleagues for not just leaving me to die on the floor 😂😂 and thank you to my amazing neighbor for coming to the rescue with my kiddies until daddy got home.
Silver lining - you all get to hear me whinge, bitch and moan and I know there’s no where else that anyone will understand more than you and me.
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