Life is hard. Life is really hard. In November, the most important person in my life was admitted into the hospital, and I spent every second at school preparing to do nothing all weekend, so I could be with my family. I turned down obligations, I ate my feelings because let's be real food is awesome and I'm awesome and we are best friends. I went to the gym once or twice a week and forced myself to do something because I felt guilty for my health choices and all the stress weight that I was gaining. I tried and tried, and I honestly just gave up for a while. Being able to spend time with my Opa was more important than prepping my food or getting to the gym. Being able to spend those last few days together was more important than dealing with homework or keeping up with my body or keeping up with friends or even just life in general. I don't regret a single bit of it. What I do know: my Opa is so proud of me in Heaven, and he is probably sitting there with Oma discussing all the things I can keep doing in order to further myself. I have to do it, I have to keep going, I have to restart each week. I have to come to terms with the fact that I'm not perfect, but I have the opportunity to take baby steps. I hope that you understand that to get to what you want, it's not pretty and it's not easy. It's hard, and you will restart 100 times before you really get it. Keep going, babe. You'll get there. I'm right there with you.