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#CantGoOn

MOST RECENT

Fly free most precious beautiful soul ever 😭❤️❤️😭. #death #persiancat #cat #cats #sad #cantgoon

This. Is. My. Song.
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This part.
This fucking part.
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Thank you, Warren.
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Please ignore this excuse for a body check.
And an excuse for a body.
I feel like my guts have been dragged and strewn across the floor. Figuratively. Now physically, too.
My exam failed.
I can't get what the psych dragged out out. I can't. Everything is spilling. Too much. Too much. There's a reason the other (more reasonable psych) said we mustn't go there. And I wasn't watching myself. I just talked. And suddenly. Boom.
Ptsd style.
All of it.
In my head.
Right now.
B/ping doesn't do shit anymore. It won't come out. It won't come out. I need to die. I need to stop feeling this. Please. How. I'm begging. I'm fucking begging. The more reasonable psych said that revelations on this level could make me do something terrible. He suggested I would hurt someone. Me. Hurt someone. I. Don't. Do. That. I can't. Fathom. That. But now. I feel. Such intense wrong. Such intense poison. Such hatred for stolen innocence and years. For a map to the most abysmal places engraved into my head throughout my childhood that was stolen in such a reprehensible way. And I'm paying the bill for it.
I don't know what to do.
But it isn't going to be pretty.
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#music #shitsfuckedup #Me #thoughts #triggerwarning #eatingdisorder #anorexia #bulimia #mentalhealth #depression #PTSD #suicidal #help #cantgoon #bp #hatred #body #bodycheck

So glad I have my boy to keep me going if it wasn’t for having him don’t think I would be here now he’s low life Dad has just sed he doesn’t care if he doesn’t see him anymore aslong as I am out he’s life sick off getting hurt over and over that’s it no more your out he’s life for good I sed he could have him every weekend and he sed no coz I need time to do stuff fuckong hell where’s my time telling he’s family I won’t let him have him for them to call me to everyone els sick don’t no how much longer I can cope with this pain 😪😪#pain#hurt#cantgoon#rundown

Been plagued with the dreaded tonsillitis for about the 172nd time in my life (okay, slight exaggeration, but not far off...). Gutted that I’m too poorly to attend my Uncle Fred’s funeral today😢 My boys at Nursery and I can can barely even get enough energy to make a cuppa☹️ #tonsillitis #poorly #rundown #chilledday #snapchat #filter #sendhelp #cantgoon #cantcope #ineedTLC #givemesympathy

Studying...studying... more studying 🤤🧐😐. #SendHelp #Studying #CantGoOn #ItsTheFinalCountdown #BalticAmber @voluspacandles

Playing shopkeeper with great gusto and selling Juju malteesers #malteesers #shoplocal #babyjuliet #imogenieinabottle #letthembelittle

You'll have to use some imagination for the audio on this one. Think of the most ridiculously annoying synthesized tune... triple the volume... understand that it's on a loop... add a 3 year old's singing over the top... enjoy for a minimum of 20 minutes. Not the most conducive working environment. The joys of working from home!
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#howannoying #loud #toys #rollmyeyes #earplugs #cantbearit #worktodo #toddlertoys #thanksforthepresent #throwitoutthewindow #workfromhome #rescueme #cantgoon #wherestheoffswitch #volumecontrol #whysoloud #irritating #gettingnothingdone #toonoisey #arrgghh

You guys can follow my vent if you wants. Im so sad (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) to answer my own question, yes I did cry today.
#crybaby #cry #tears #depressed #depression #hurt #cantgoon #broken

Thought I would be stronger..realized how weak I became..my smile may hide my sorrow.. though my eyes reveal my pain...you’re gone and I’m lost now ...didn’t want it to be this way.. so please come back and save me... come be my sun on a cloudy day #lostwithoutyou #eyesarethewindowtothesoul #cantgoon #holdingon #candid #selfie

When the world around you is falling apart and all you want to do is scream, the least you can do is appear a beautiful disaster. #beautifuldisaster #emotionaltrainwreck #shithappens #cantgoon #mustgogon #notasstrongasilook

January 9th adventures. Morning climb up Mount Maunganui 🤙 swin at Whakatane followed up with an mtb in rotorua🤘had a mean crash on the kids loop 👌#cantgoon
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#gopro #goprohero6 #goproanz #gopromtb #goprotravel #goprohike #goprooftheday #mtb #mountainbiking #mountainbikes #cycling #cyclingshots #NZ #NewZealand #mtmaunganui #travel

"My Dear"

I created you piece by piece.
I made you in my own image perfectly.
I see your face & don't regret a thing, so why would you?
There's not a thing about you I don't adore,
so I paid the price that you could never afford.
All I ask is that you trust me now & watch my plan unfold.
There is so much in store!
Hold on to me when you think you're sinking.
Run to me when it feels like you can't go on.
My dear, cry to me when life is unfair.
Your voice is the sweetest sound to my ear.
Just look to me when you can't see clearly.
Don't be afraid when you feel my spirit near.
My dear, be still & know that I am here.
I've always loved you & I always will.
I've never taken my eyes off of you.
I hold your hand in every trial that you go through.
You've never been alone.
I carry you through all the highs & the lows,
so don't let go now there's so much in store!
Hold on to me when you think you're sinking.
Run to me when it feels like you can't go on.
My dear, cry to me when life is unfair.
Your voice is the sweetest sound to my ear.
Just look to me when you can't see clearly.
Don't be afraid when you feel my spirit near.
My dear, be still & know that I am here.
I've always loved you & I always will. Be still my love.
When it's too much to bare, know that I’ll always be there.
I hear you when you call my name.
I am the answer you've been searching for.
I'll be your refuge, your shelter from the storm.
I am everything you need & more.
I loved you before you were born!
Hold on to me when you think you're sinking.
Run to me when it feels like you can't go on
My dear, cry to me when life is unfair.
Your voice is the sweetest sound to my ear.
Just look to me when you can't see clearly.
Don't be afraid when you feel my spirit near.
My dear, be still & know that I am here.
I've always loved you & I always will.

#mydear #trustmenow #watchmyplanunfold #sinking #cantgoon #unfair #sweetestsound #shelter #ialwayslovedyouandialwayswill #bab

2018 has been worse than 2017 so far but today felt like a new day as I decided to give life one last chance. Tired but feeling lighter than I have in a while. If this fails it's over #hope #hopeless #givingup #rundown #tired #sleepy #whiteblonde #tragus #piercings #lastchance #cantgoon #jacket #2018 #lifesucks #guages #pretty #beauty #love #gym #eyeshadow #helpme #failure #portland #maine

A meaningful life is not about being rich, being popular, being highly educated or being perfect... it is about being real, being humble, being strong and being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others.

Today would have been Chad's 44th birthday. Yes. My strong, fit, healthy husband passed away suddenly at only 43 years of age. He was the most incredibly humble, loving human being I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. The love he had for not only myself but also his 3 children (as he acknowledge Katie and Byron as his own) is something that majority of people could only ever dream about.

I will spend today with close family and friends at our home, swimming, eating and celebrating this amazing man who I adore with all my heart <3

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