📝: On Caltrain thinking about all the things I’ve said to myself in the past...and literally I said out loud...”You’re MEAN!”
And it’s true. If people heard the things I’ve said me, they’re horrible. I’m tearing up just thinking about them and I feel angry. HOW DARE YOU, SARA? How dare you speak to yourself the way you wouldn’t ever think to speak to another human being? I am literally thee most important human I’ve got. At the end of it all, I will only fully have ME. Although, ashamed and disgusted about the words I’ve used to invalidate my existence prior to realizing I’ve got it all wrong, I’m also very thankful. Because quite honestly, nobody can ever get to me the way I’ve got to me. Now that I refuse to belittle myself and make myself feel worthless for things beyond my control or make myself feel guilty for mistakes I’ve made when I was in no mental state to do any better, I am in a much better place mentally and emotionally. Of course, I still slip up here and there but the difference now is that I recognize it and I stop myself dead in my tracks before I get lost in my head. I now give myself positive pep talks in the mirror. I give myself necessary honesty. It feels nice to have me supporting me again. Too often we blame outside influences for making us feel bad when really, a lot of the time, we are our greatest contributors to our personal pain.
Finally, my message to you is to definitely and always hold yourself accountable for things within your control but speak to yourself gently and lovingly if you’re facing an internal battle. Speak to yourself the way you’d speak to your best friend. BE your own best friend.💞