It’s taken me 2 and abit weeks to pluck up the courage to write this post! (Most people will think “Girl you’re being so ridiculous, it’s just a sport”) Well a sport has never really been just a sport to me. When I do something I immerse my entire being into it and it becomes my every breaking breath; which has become both my strongest and weakest quality.
Last year proceeding world championships; I promised myself that I would give competing a break until the end of 2018 where I’d do Provincials and nationals and hopefully earn my PRO Card and give myself some time to focus on my honors, thesis, health and my mind, but in February I let my mind play tricks on me again & decided to semi-commit to Arnold’s Africa because I was enticed by the Glits and glam and thrills of the shows that already happened this year. I can’t actually explain HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS SPORT - it makes me emotional. It’s my saving grace, sport has always been my saving grace from my own toxic thoughts!
BUT my body was telling me NO, whatever I did, I was unhappy in my skin, in my head, in my spirit (& when that happens, you know it’s time to Sit your ass down👇🏻) I was sooo set on Arnold’s even though I didn’t commit completely, because I felt I had titles to defend. Being so intensely competitive made me feel like I can’t let myself “give” those titles away (how stupid🙄), what I didn’t realize was that those #ACA2017 winning titles are mine, no one can take that away from me, they are still there & just because I don’t compete this year doesn’t mean those titles disappear. It’s like Ms Olympia 2017 saying she’s was never Ms Olympia because there’s a new Ms Olympia in 2018 🤷🏼♀️ She still calls herself Ms Olympia because she earned it! - maybe that’s not the exact same thing as my situation but it put things into perspective for me. I WILL compete this year and I’m STILL in pursuit of that PRO card; but for now, I rest and focus on studies because apart from being a Fitness Bikini athlete, I’m also a student, a training chef, a daughter, a girlfriend ❤️ but #illbeback 😉 ps. Thank you to my coach @laymanslament for being beyond understanding and having my best interests at heart!!