We are in our fourth year of marriage & oh how the tides have changed. Our first Valentines together was full of un met expectation & unrealistic ideals of romance. We were coming off of a not so mutual break up prior to engagement, both shells of broken people trying to find satisfaction in one another. We argued the entire day, I couldn’t believe he hadn’t made dinner reservations...and I was disappointed. .
Each year I’ve seen growth, we’ve spent Valentine’s Day from Boulder Colorado to New York City. We’ve chased glamour & culturally accurate portraits of V day and we’ve never “hit the mark” of our expectations. .
This year was different, though. It was better. I let go of that and just treasured every moment—the making of a homemade fort with mismatched curtains from apartments before (oh if those curtains could talk of our seasons past), $3 Aldi wine, first attempts at Pinterest worthy charcuterie boards, sloppy chocolate covered strawberries, and 99 cent burgers from Hardee’s (ok don’t judge the last ha!). All of it.
And I see now that the problem previous years was that I made the day about ME. How I felt, what I wanted, what he did for me, and the Instagram worthy posts to show what “life behind the scenes” looks like for us etc. .
When I focused on what I lacked, or the way my desires weren’t met, I sucked the whole purpose of love out of the day. .
See, when I look in the Bible and consider the words God uses to describe love, I see words like: sacrifice, patience, compassion, obedience, unity, action, faithfulness, and forgiveness. .
Words I don’t find? dinner reservations, candy & flowers, romantic trips & cocktail dresses, or boyfriends, or the search for the “perfect spouse” or even feelings. .
Look, those things are nice and have a place. But joy isn’t found in them. .
So here’s a little secret I’ve learned that has resulted in not only a better V day, but also a marriage more focused on sanctification rather than circumstances.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. .
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