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Colors. Secrets. Meaning. #100daysOfSecrets

We all have secrets to te... keep. ✨ #100DaysOfSecrets

"My father was dying from a rare disease. He begged me, his only child, to end the pain. It was impossible for my family to agree with the idea, but I still did it. Nobody knows it except me and my dad."#100daysofsecrets

I made three additional portraits for my exhibit last October. I'm finally uploading them so everyone can see them. :)

"I can't stop falling for him... even though he lies a lot. I still smile when I think of him." #100daysofsecrets

I made three additional portraits for my exhibit last October! I'm finally uploading them so everyone can see them :)

"I feel guilty that i survived, while many others didn't make it."#100daysofsecrets
I made three additional portraits for my exhibit last October. I'm finally uploading them so everyone can see them. :)

"I sometimes feel alone even if I'm with friends. I feel like I'm just an add-on when we're together." #100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject

"I lost my smile a long time ago. Now I go everywhere hoping nobody will notice that this isn't my smile anymore." #100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject

"I can’t stand the ringing of bells. Every time I hear it, my heart beats faster. It reminds me of my mom's voice and the bells on her keys that would ring every single time she comes home. God knows what she had done to me." #100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject

"I overdo things and I constantly make myself the center of attention because I'm terrified of being forgotten." #100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject


"I feel guilty that i survived, while many others didn't make it."#100daysofsecrets
I made three additional portraits for my exhibit last October. I'm finally uploading them so everyone can see them. :)

"My father was dying from a rare disease. He begged me, his only child, to end the pain. It was impossible for my family to agree with the idea, but I still did it. Nobody knows it except me and my dad."#100daysofsecrets

I made three additional portraits for my exhibit last October. I'm finally uploading them so everyone can see them. :)

"I can't stop falling for him... even though he lies a lot. I still smile when I think of him." #100daysofsecrets

I made three additional portraits for my exhibit last October! I'm finally uploading them so everyone can see them :)

Day 51: "I have forced a girl into having sex once..."
Warning: Long Read.

One of my other deepest and darkest secrets. This one definitely tops my other most shameful thing I have ever done. And possibly one of the very few things I regret in my life.

I met this girl off a dating app, we hit it off quite well even though she was a FOB and I wasn't. She was looking for a relationship after almost 8 years of not being in one, and I was at a point where I didn't want a relationship. I was honest with this and she understood, but we continued bring friends. She hadn't slept with anyone in about 3 years, so I would occasionally joke about helping her with that. She took it well and wasn't offended or disgusted by it.

One time she decided to come over, we had dinner that I cooked and we started drinking and watching a movie. She tried to get me drunk, for some reason, and I managed to become very tipsy. This is when I started trying to coax her into sex, in which for over an hour she would say no because she's not that type of girl. But I kept insisting and wouldn't let her leave. She eventually gave in and said ok because she realized there was no other way.

I felt disgusted and ashamed of myself the next morning when I sobered up, I realized what I had done and I apologized profusely. Luckily she accepted my apologies and she took the situation very well, we are still friends now and still talk quite often. But I can't shake the fact that I forced her into sleeping with me... I am a disgusting human being...
#100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject #secrets #nomeansno #shame #disgust

Day 50: "I have ambition, but I lack motivation..."
As with many people, I have goals and dreams that I would like to achieve. Some of which, frankly, is quite reachable right now. Or at least I should have no problems beginning my journey towards those goals.

But like I said, I have been lacking alot of motivation. Even for simple goals like eating healthy and going to the gym more, or learning more to get further in my career. Even for this IG project, I have been on hiatus for a couple months due to personal reasons that just killed my motivation to do anything productive.

But I am back now, and hoping to post more, and hoping keep revealing my secrets. With this small step, I also hope will help jumpstart my motivation in life to strive closer to my ambitions.
#100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject #secrets #motivation #ambition #goals #dreams

{Day 7: favorite photo of 2017} This photo contains 100 tiny fragments of my heart that I shared earlier this year in #THE100DAYPROJECT #100daysofsecrets. But it also contains my whole heart. 🐱 Earlier today I said goodbye to this darling face. She was my best friend and the light of my life for over 16 years. I can't imagine my life without her. Yet even in grief, I will practice what I preach.
Tonight through tears I let go... let go... let go. #decemberreflections2017 #bornebackceaselessly

Thanks Kanto Journal for featuring my work! 😊 Shared some insights and struggles I encountered during the #100daysofsecrets project. Follow @kanto.journal for the full story.

#Repost @trnz.eduarte
• • •
"I burned the suicide note I wrote a month ago. Today is a good day." #100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject

Day 49: "I wanted to be an astronomer..."
I first learned about astronomy when I was about grade 6. It was the first time I learned about the stars and the sun and the solar system. I was fascinated about the constellations, the planets, and just the pure mystery of space.

I also remember watching The Magic School Bus episode where Ms. Frizzle takes her class into space and Arnold straight up got so angry that he decided to take off his helmet and freeze. That's part wasn't what made me want to be an astronomer more, but everything else in that episode helped peak my interest though.

But unfortunately I eventually didn't have the drive to become an astronomer. Other interests drew my attention and I kind of strayed from it. I mean I have an interest in space, but more of a hobby now I guess. Also, Pluto will always be a planet to me <3.
#100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject #secrets #astronomy #astronomer #themagicschoolbus #pluto #dreams

Day 48: "I wish I could play basketball professionally..."
If anyone knows me, they know that basketball has always been a passion of mine. My brother and my sister played, and my brother taught me everything I knew. I started playing when I was about 4 or 5 years old and I continue to play today. Granted I did stop playing competitively during high school and first year university.

I can't say that I am really good, but I can hold my own for a 5'9" Asian guy. Sometimes I wondered if I didn't stop playing for the few years and actually decided to train hard, maybe I had an opportunity to play professionally overseas. Obviously I couldn't compete in an NBA level, but maybe in Asia or Europe.

But of course, growing up Asian, that type of dream usually remained as a dream. Asian parents want that University degree. But recently I had a conversation with my mother and she said that she would have supported me if I wanted to pursue a career in sports. I'm not sure how true that really is, but if it was, I wish I knew when I was younger...
#the100daysproject #secrets #basketball #passion #nba #career #ballislife

Day 47:"I've spied on my ex-girlfriend before..."
This is definitely one of my most shameful and darkest secrets. I am absolutely disappointed in my actions and in my choices. I was not proud of who I had become, and I also did not know I could even become this way. But I will try to keep this short.

I was dating a girl that I had met through an online dating app. We went on one date, hooked up a couple times, and basically started a, what I thought was, and exclusive relationship. I am normally not a jealous boyfriend, but she definitely brought out the worst in me when I found out she lied to me and lied to other guys about me. I caught her lying because I started checking on her when she was hanging with her "guy friends". The worst part was I even went as far as sliding through a window into her place when she was gone to find evidence, which I did.

I am not proud of this, I was in a very dark place at the time because of her. I resorted into some super shady stuff to make sure I wasn't bring crazy in thinking she wasn't bring completely faithful. Though my intuition was right, my actions were absolutely unreasonable with no excuse. I will never let myself get to that place ever again, but it's scary how I got there...
#secrets #relationships #spying #trust #honesty #lies

Day 46: "I lie about my work hours..."
This isn't so much about me lying to people about what times I work, but more of that I sometimes lie about how many hours I've spent on projects to my work.

At my work, we are tasked to keep track of how many hours we have worked on projects and stuff. Basically, we keep tabs on our work day and submit to my office manager every 2 weeks. There are days where I am very unmotivated and barely do any work, but I have to put my hours down. So I lie, adding extra time on projects that I worked on during the day to account for the 7.5 hrs.

I know this is bad, and I am not proud. I am definitely working on it, to become more honest and to become more diligent at work. Sometimes I just get too distracted too easily, or even just too bored. But that's no excuse.
#100daysofsecrets #the100daysproject #secrets #honesty #work #job #career #money

Day 45: "I have never watched FRIENDS until recently..."
Yes I know, it's crazy right? But to be more accurate, I have never watched a FULL episode of Friends until recently. Before when I was younger, I would sometimes watch a little but here and there when my sister watched. But that's about it.

When I tell people, they almost get offended and tell me that I HAVE to watch it. I never really got what the hype was about, until recently. The reason why I have started watching it was because of a girl that I was seeing. She introduced a few episodes to me and we would watch together. I must say, maybe because I can relate better now, it's a really good show.

Unfortunately things with this girl didn't work out. But I decided to continue watching, starting from season 1 and slowly working through the series. Except I still have really told anyone. Chandler is definitely my favorite, his wit and comebacks remind me of me.🤣🤣
#100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject #secrets #friends #chandler #ross #phoebe #monica #joey #rachel #cherrypopped

Day 44: "I have contemplated severely injuring myself before..."
There are points in almost everyone's life where they either think that everyone is better off without them in their lives or wanted to see if anyone would care if they were gone or seriously injured. If you haven't, you are lucky, but I know indefinitely have several times.

I have never actually contemplated suicide, but I have wondered who would actually miss me, aside from family. Or if I was in a bad accident or in a coma, who would actually be affected in their lives. I could never commit suicide though, because I know it would affect way more than just myself, I couldn't do that to my family and friends.

I am glad I have a good network of support in my life. Yeah sometimes the world seems to be against you and sometimes it's too much to handle. But just keep rolling with the punches, those who matter and care for you will roll right beside you.
#100daysofsecrets #the100daysproject #secrets #suicide #suicideprevention #18002738255

Day 43: "I blew out my tire from drinking and driving..."
This is also something I am not proud of, and also luckily nobody else was involved and nobody got injured. I absolutely do not condone doing this, I have sworn off from doing this ever again.

But awhile back, I went clubbing with some friends and got extremely drunk. My friends took my keys away and forced me to go eat with them and sat there for a couple of hours before heading home. On my way home, I wasn't exactly drunk, but I was extremely tired and sleepy. I kept dosing in and out, but luckily this was around 4 or 5 in the morning and there were no cars on the road.

I ended up falling asleep for 2 seconds, but it was enough for me to run a light, slam into a curb and blowing out my front passenger side tire. I was less than 5 mins away from home so I stupidly decided to drive on the rim home. Needless to say, the black steel rim I bought to replace it is a constant reminder to never do that ever again.
#the100dayproject #100daysofsecrets #secrets #driving #drinking #drinkinganddriving #neveragain

Day 41: "I usually get out of tickets when I get pulled over at night..."
I actually learned this through my older cousin awhile back. It has gotten me out of countless tickets when I get pulled over or hit a check stop at night.

Sometimes when I get pulled over for speeding, or accidentally running a light, or am just too tired to notice me swerving, I usually tell the cops at my window that I am just super tired and driving home from being a designated driver for my friends. They've always been much more lenient and have let me go with just a warning.

I know, I know, lying is bad, and I definitely do not condone abusing this, but it has worked for me 100% of the time. But I still need to be careful and drive smart, I am sure one day it will creep up on me and bite me in the ass...
#100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject #secrets #police #driving #lies #tickets

One of a handful of queer whispers from "100 Days of Secrets," where artist @trnz.eduarte transforms anonymous submissions into digital portraits.
Story through the link in our bio. Catch the #100DaysOfSecrets exhibit at @aspacemanila until October 10.

Day 40:"I feel crazy sometimes..."
This ties back to me letting my emotions get the best of me. Certain things bring this feeling out of me, but usually it's about relationships that make me feel crazy.

But for me, I sit and dwell over things when they don't work out the way I intended it to. Whether it's rejection, failing something, or losing a basketball game, I tend to let the low sit and stir, and I ruminate for too long.

I allow these lows to affect my day to day life when it doesn't need to. There are times where I just want to feel miserable, go through the emotions because I think it is important. But other times I just let it go too far and it makes me feel so crazy. My homie tells me all time, I need to stop letting these things bother me so much, because it is crazy how much these things do.
#100daysofsecrets #the100daychallenge #secrets #emotions #ruminate #overthinking #relationships #life

Day 39:"I often have trouble articulating my thoughts and emotions..."
Have you ever had the problem where you know how you feel or why you feel a certain way, but when asked, it becomes really hard to explain to someone why. I have that problem alot, I feel it may be connected to my sleep apnea and memory issues.

Or sometimes I have a train of thought that runs through my head, and it makes perfect sense in my mind. But when I am asked to explain or reiterate the same train of though, I have lots of trouble in doing so. It comes out all jumbled and confusing, it's very annoying. So please bare with me when reading these as I am working through this issue.

My best friend/homie has been inadvertently helping me with this, even if she doesn't even know it. Because many a times I need to explain to her how I feel due to relationship problems, and sometimes I have problems articulating my thoughts. But she is extremely patient with me, so thank you :).
#100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject #secrets #thoughtsandemotions #thoughts #emotions #articulating #relationships

Day 38/100: "I don't know how to set up walls..."
I've been told time and time again that I need to set up some walls to keep myself from getting hurt, whether it was for relationship potentials or friends. I always fall too quickly for a girl or am too trusting in people I meet, at least that's what I've been told.

My friends tell me this because I am always hurting after a relationship potential doesn't work out, or if a friend breaks my trust. I mean it is a given, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

But with that said, my friends are right. I do need to learn to set up some kind of wall to protect myself from getting hurt all the time. It would also help prevent me from getting too emotionally attached from people. But sometimes I don't want to guard up, I don't want to feel jaded. But maybe I need to learn to differentiate between being jaded and being careful...
#100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject #secrets #walls #relationships #friendships #life

Day 37: "I don't feel like I am good enough for anyone..."
This has been triggered by some recent events that made me feel this way. This may or may not be true but it sure feels like reality. This definitely ties into the fact that I actually self reflect poorly on myself, every relationship that doesn't work, I blame myself.

I sometimes look at myself I wonder why anyone would want to be with me. I don't have looks, I don't have money, my future is pretty meek, and I don't think I am capable of taking care of anyone or raise a family in the long run.

It's always the girl I like likes someone else more than me, always number 2. And they always say... "you deserve someone better than me." I hate those words so much. I understand that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and there are girls that will actually put me first. But right now... I'm not good enough...
#the100dayproject #100daysofsecrets #secrets #relationships #girls #dating #selfesteem

Day 36: "I never know when to let go..."
In relationships, I always hold on to things for a little too long, or sometimes even I let go too soon. This goes hand in hand sometimes to the fact that I don't know when to give up either.

I always hate leaving a relationship feeling like I could have tried harder or tried more. I always want to leave feeling like there was nothing more I can do to salvage the relationship. This often leads to me getting more and more hurt, and blindly dismissing that sometimes the relationship is unsalvageable. Or even blind to the fact that the other person just doesn't want to try anymore.

On the flip side, sometimes I do give up too soon. Often when the other still likes me and I still have a chance, but I just don't want to compete, so I decide to bow out. My homie says that I am not quite cut out for this type of dating... Maybe she's right...
#100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject #secrets #relationships #dating #lettinggo

Day 21 // I think I'll never find my other half. #100DaysofSecrets

The #100daysofsecrets Exhibit is open until October 10. I added a few more entries in the project. You can see all the portraits/secrets at A SPACE Greenbelt. 📸 @kevingabs

#100daysofsecrets art exhibit.

what's your mood today? #vsco #vscocam #artwork #100daysofsecrets

#100daysofsecrets #aspacetogather #thrivetayo
Exhibit runs till October 10, 2017

"Got a secret
Can you keep it?
Swear this one you'll save"
The Pierces - Secret
#100daysofsecrets #aspacetogather #thrivetayo

Day 35: "I have wanted to be a chef..."
I really enjoy cooking. Something about making something delicious out of scratch and feeding it to people for their enjoyment really makes me feel good. And everytime I'm in a store that sells kitchenware, I am like a kid in a candy store.

I had a choice between taking culinary or taking a diploma in my current field of work. Needless to say I chose what I am doing now because I thought that cooking was more of a hobby than a passion. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy what I do now, but sometimes I wonder what would happen if I chose culinary instead.

I had a dream of opening my own restaurant. In fact, I still kind of do want to do that, maybe later on in life when I get bored of my work now. But until then, I guess I'll just continue to cook for those close to me for my enjoyment :)
#100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject #secrets #cooking #culinary #chef #dreams #food #passion

Day 34: "I got scared while watching a movie during a date..."
This is like an extension to the last post... This was way back in high school where this girl that I was crushing on and I went on a date to watch a matinee movie. I don't know why but I insisted we watch The Omen, even though I hated horror films. But something about a teenage boy's eagerness to show some masculinity.

Like I mentioned, I hate movies that make you jump. And The Omen was full of those moments. One particular scene made me jump so hard I yelled out "HOLY SHIT" and I sunk into my seat. Luckily there were maybe not even 10 people in the theatre, but I heard some giggles.

The worst part was when my date turned and asked me if I was scared. Needless to say, nothing happened between her and I, but we are still friends now, kind of...😣😣
#100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject #secrets #horror #theomen #movies #films #dates

Day 33: "I am not a fan of horror films..."
I hated horror films growing up, like most kids I had a very vivid imagination. So after any horror movies, I would not be able to I sleep for a few days, at least not alone.

I always thought Asian horror films were alot more scarier than Hollywood ones, they somehow was always able to make the movies more creepier and horrifying. I was told it was because the Asian film industry had less regulation than that of Hollywood in regards to what they can show in the movies. I'm not quite sure how true that is.

I also absolutely hate movies that make you jump. They get me every time and make my heart race. I hate to admit it, but even today I do not prefer to watch a scary movie. But only if girls want to go... I swear I'm getting better... 🤣🤣
#100daysofsecrets #the100dayproject #secrets #horror #movies #films #hollywood

Colors. Secrets. Meaning. #100daysOfSecrets

Congrats sa exhibit! Exhibit is until Oct 10, 2017. Sparta na yan! #100daysofsecrets #art #aspacemanila #artthoufeelingitnowmrkrabs #lodi

"Everyone has a page in their book they don't read out loud." -Terence Eduarte #100daysofsecrets

Dropped by the #100daysofsecrets exhibit earlier. Congrats @trnz.eduarte!

"Everyone has a page in their book they don't read out loud." #100daysofsecrets
Awesome idea and show by Terence Eduarte

Our Sunday at @trnz.eduarte's #100daysofsecrets exhibit. ❤️ Of brave souls and their secrets.

#100daysofsecrets exhibit opens today ✨ congrats @trnz.eduarte!

"100 Days of Secrets" by @trnz.eduarte, an ongoing exhibit at A Space Greenbelt.

#100DaysOfSecrets #ArtExhibit #DigitalArt #artph #secrets #Makati #Manila

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