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stephhalexis stephhalexis

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stephhalexis  steph | twenty | british Film student in Paris πŸŽ₯ πŸ“Spain exploring, creating & connecting.

https://stephhalexis.com/2017/05/20/poem-pictures-from-warsaw/

Quietening my mind. I hear emptiness and yearning for growth. My thoughts tell me to indulge in more books and words and poems because I've been neglecting the strings of letters that feed me knowledge. I am told to do yoga. My digestion and energy has been fragile but flow and connection will bring me back into balance. Then I hear ideas for stories and projects. Hints of doubt and fear begin to creep in as images of the past blur my vision but I shut them out. They no longer serve me. My mind shifts to excitement and joy for that is the fuel for my fire. I am told to go forward fearlessly, be unapologetically myself and focus my energy on the present and the positive.

Took my mum to @peoniesparis on Tuesday 🌸πŸ₯‘

"We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open."

Pastry filled Parisian picnic by the river on Monday with the lovely @caitlynhasenfratz πŸ₯πŸ“πŸ‡

Croissant shapes clouds were carried by serendipitous shifts of air in the skies. The sun warmed droplets on my skin and I watched people as they passed and people as they sat and I wondered about their current captivating contemplations. What stages were they in their life and if they were present or drifting deep through time into the past or in aspirations of the future. The water sparkled as I walked past it and I thought about mermaids swimming beneath the surfaces and how there is so much of the sea that is undiscovered and how the universe still holds so many secrets.

A morning of beach exploring, an afternoon of floating in an inflatable pink donut & an evening of packing for a week back in Paris tomorrow with my mum! 🌸 { and now just watched a mosquito suck my blood. A lovely send off } I couldn't be more grateful and excited for all the traveling I've been able to do this year and last thanks to moving back to Europe! Back in my home continent and feeling more at home than ever. Not just because of the place but because of the person I am growing into.

Stillness. Slight breeze. Sun warming skin. Salmon colored houses. Strawberries and cherries. Slippers and spilt ends. Symphonies soothing my thoughts.

I have a fear. A fear of being vulnerable, of showing my true self, my flaws, my insecurities and my struggles. I have had troubles with connections with people because I have a hard time opening up and being myself. It's lonely, isolating and exhausting too. I feel that I don't go deep enough, I float on the surface and project an exterior of contentment and an energy of ease. I am afraid of judgement and afraid of people seeing something other than projected 'perfection'. And while I strive to feel positive and happy whenever I can and want to feel relaxed with everything around me, sadness, emptiness and anxiety has to coexist too, hopefully in smaller doses, as opposites are inevitable. So right now, while I am living my dream in Paris and getting to have an incredible sunny life in Spain too with trips to another of my favorite places, London, I still often feel so trapped, isolated and struggle with anxiety, which stops me from having meaningful connections with people sometimes, stops me from creating imaginative strings of words and images and sometimes stops me from truly living my day to day life how I want it. But it's not always like that. Often life is great and my days are filled with smiles and fresh fruit and laughs and adventuring and capturing it all in beautiful ways. But then fear and anxiety creeps in and I feel paralyzed and take a break from makes me happy because there's too much going on in my head and I can't breathe. But I know it'll always pass. Anyway, this has been a long ramble but what I think I'm trying to do is just to be more honest with others and myself and that I want to say I'm working on trying to be more confident with who I am and be more okay with projecting myself to the world without fear. And what I am wanting is just more meaningful, honest connections with people and to share great memories and deep but also fun conversations and experiences so that I can look back and think, wow, I did it. I lived a life that I can be proud of and overcame fears and struggles that I thought I'd be trapped in forever.

Back home in Spain! Feeling so much more relaxed, less stressed and my creative energy is overflowing!! Watch this space for more blogposts, videos and more! 🌞

Little bathroom details in London.

Posted a new blogpost last night on stephhalexis.com of a poem I wrote, some thoughts about the last week and photos from my trip to Warsaw! Link in my bio ☺️🌸

Finding avocado toast everywhere I go! πŸ₯‘ with such a lovely almond milk rose latte!! Today at @farmgirlcafe for lunch with my dad 🌞

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