I have a fear. A fear of being vulnerable, of showing my true self, my flaws, my insecurities and my struggles. I have had troubles with connections with people because I have a hard time opening up and being myself. It's lonely, isolating and exhausting too. I feel that I don't go deep enough, I float on the surface and project an exterior of contentment and an energy of ease. I am afraid of judgement and afraid of people seeing something other than projected 'perfection'. And while I strive to feel positive and happy whenever I can and want to feel relaxed with everything around me, sadness, emptiness and anxiety has to coexist too, hopefully in smaller doses, as opposites are inevitable. So right now, while I am living my dream in Paris and getting to have an incredible sunny life in Spain too with trips to another of my favorite places, London, I still often feel so trapped, isolated and struggle with anxiety, which stops me from having meaningful connections with people sometimes, stops me from creating imaginative strings of words and images and sometimes stops me from truly living my day to day life how I want it. But it's not always like that. Often life is great and my days are filled with smiles and fresh fruit and laughs and adventuring and capturing it all in beautiful ways. But then fear and anxiety creeps in and I feel paralyzed and take a break from makes me happy because there's too much going on in my head and I can't breathe. But I know it'll always pass. Anyway, this has been a long ramble but what I think I'm trying to do is just to be more honest with others and myself and that I want to say I'm working on trying to be more confident with who I am and be more okay with projecting myself to the world without fear. And what I am wanting is just more meaningful, honest connections with people and to share great memories and deep but also fun conversations and experiences so that I can look back and think, wow, I did it. I lived a life that I can be proud of and overcame fears and struggles that I thought I'd be trapped in forever.