I don’t often share much about me. And for the last three years it’s been about Noah and our journey. But for most of my adult life I have struggled with depression and anxiety.
As a child I never struggled with weight but upon delving into the fitness world in my mid 20s, that changed. I became obsessed with how I looked. And winning competitions showed me I could do anything.
Post competing I battled the image of how I looked on stage to my everyday life. 10% body fat wasn’t realistic for me, and yet I struggled to find a balance.
In my mid thirties I became a first time mama, still battling those demons inside. Sadness and anxiety took up too much space inside me. And didn’t just go away because a baby was there. It became worse.
I was a new mom and had a newborn with an incredibly complex and rare medical condition.
The first year blurred by. Mostly filled with hospitals stays, appointments and worry and fear so deep I couldn’t focus on any of the good moments. I regret that.
Things got really hard when we were faced with a choice to have a major life altering and incredibly invasive brain surgery for Noah. And over the next two years I put on 40 pounds. Stress, no sleep, the vicious cycle didn’t stop.
A lot has changed in the last two years. Noah didn’t have surgery. He is 14 months seizure free and living his best life. I’m not living mine.
I know deep inside that I need to make ME a priority. That the longer I don’t the harder it will be. The saying take care and love yourself before you can others is true. And if others can see goodness in me then maybe I can too.
Everyone is battling something and everyone has a story. I hope that you make you a priority and I promise to make me a priority too. For Noah and my family. But mostly for me. 💕
#thisis40 #motherhoodunplugged #motherhoodthroughinstagram #confessions #noahsjourney #myjourney #truth 📷: @idlewildphotoco